Smitty Is Completely Obsessed With Me And I Don't Blame Him At All
It’s actually crazy how high I have set the bar for myself. It sucks. If I leave my desk for 3 seconds, Smitty stalks me around. If I have to attend a funeral, Smitty stalks me around. He is completely obsessed with every move I make, every step I take. And I don’t blame him at all. He has finally found something he is good at- stalking me and then blogging about it. Being completely obsessed with me has saved his life. 6 months ago he was in tears in front of me, 3 steps away from quitting Barstool because he hates it here and nobody respects him because he hasn’t shown an ounce of work ethic in 5 year, I talked him out of quitting, and then he realized he could just blog about me. Kinda brilliant I guess? I mean even before this, he would always tweet about me and make videos about me, and I rolled with the punches the best I could. The dude would stalk me around the office on Snapchat, it was so weird. But it was all he had then, and now I’m still all he has now. That’s what is so funny about this whole Click Bait Smit thing, and he knows it all too well, he needs me to succeed. If he’s not obsessed with me, he has nothing. His relevance has always 100% depended on me. I’m his currency he needs to survive. So he spends his days digging for something to possibly blog about me. He didn’t work for 3 years and nobody cared. Dave just laughed about it. The guy didn’t even blog when his beloved Eagles won the Super Bowl. Nobody cared. If I don’t blog for a day though, people notice. If I’m not at work, people notice. I’ve set the bar too high. Dammit.
Smitty’s big thing now is Twitch. Streaming video games. And I think it’s great. Twitch is huge and we need someone on it. “Ad deals, ad deals, ad deals” is all I hear about now. Ad deals to pay my salary, as he puts it. Even wrote it in his pre-stream blog yesterday, and then….didn’t stream. Nothing. And why have there only been 6 days of streaming in all of October? We’re on October 24th and he’s only streamed 6 days. And guess what? Nobody cares. I mean I know the advertiser he is fucking over cares. Shouldn’t run your beak about ad deals and then not do the ad deal, but that’s not my business.
The irony truly is he didn’t do a lick of work before this whole thing. I’ve legit saved his career multiple times in 6 months now- first by talking him out of quitting, and then by making him actually work for the first time in years. I should get a raise just for motivating him to work. It’s actually nuts that he’s finally working, nobody saw this coming and I’m proud of him for it. I mean he’s the “Eagles blogger” and wrote a grand total of 26 blogs on weekends all of 2017. They won the freaking Super Bowl and he had 26 weekend blogs all year. For comparison I did 108. As of October 7th he was 15th in pageviews in 2018, I was 3rd. So thankfully he’s working now, it’s great for the company when people do their jobs. Hopefully the streaming will pick up again shortly so I don’t have to worry about him peeking in through my windows at night to take a video of me.
I suppose it’ll keep going because I’m all he has. He’ll continue to twist and lie and be so completely obsessed with me that it’s scary at this point, and I’ll keep doing what I do, and I suppose nothing will change. Speaking honestly, the whole thing is crazy. He would take shots at me forever and tell me it’s just jokes it’s just jokes, I would take shots at him and he has proceeded to lose his mind. Dude straight up can’t handle a joke. He likes to call me a hypocrite and he makes valid points on a few of them, but him picking and choosing when something is a joke and when it’s not is the most hypocritical of all. Handle a joke well one time for me Adam!
I haven’t responded to 95% of this because I just let the guy do his job as he sees fit, which is to be creepily obsessed with me. To be honest I wish he had a little more talent in his bones, but maybe he is just resigned to the fact he needs me to succeed? Everything he tried in the past failed, so now he just sits on my shoulders and calls himself tall. Do I find it weird on a human level? Absolutely yes. Would anyone with actual talent around here act like this? Like, imagine Big Cat having time to stalk me. But if that’s what keeps his lights on, I’m glad I can be here for him.