The Red Sox Score The Most Runs In Team History In A Road Playoff Game, Drive In 16 Runs On 18 Hits, Brock Holt Hits For The Cycle, Nathan Eovaldi Dominates His Former Team, Yankees Suffer Their Worst Loss In Postseason History, And The Red Sox Take A 2-1 Series Lead

I mean, what a game. I don’t even know where to start. Actually, no. Let’s start with Luis Severino not knowing what time first pitch was, which made him late to his bullpen to warm up for a motherfucking playoff game. That’s tough. A real head-scratcher, some might say. That’s information that you absolutely need. If only that information were readily available somewhere. Like, literally anywhere.

I don’t even know how to break this game down, so let’s just jump all over the map — Brock Holt hit for the cycle, becoming the first player in baseball history to accomplish that feat in the playoffs. Holt would end up going 4-for-6 with 5 RBI, 3 runs scored, two gigantic balls, and one massive cock. A decent night, given what was on the line. Andrew Benintendi put this game out of reach REAL early with a bases loaded, bases-clearing double in the fourth inning to make it 7-0. Yankee fans can no longer run with the “Mookie Betts has zero postseason RBI” chirp, because he drove in a pair of runs. JD Martinez did the same. It was just quite the evening.

More? More, you say? Well, the sixteen runs that Boston scored were the most runs ever scored by the Red Sox in a road playoff game in team history. The fifteen-run deficit also registered as the worst playoff loss in Yankees history. How have we gone this far without talking about Nathan Eovaldi? I mean, my God. The balls on this guy. Seven innings, one run on five hits, NO WALKS (love that), and five strikeouts. Dude was painting corners with a hundred miles an hour. Good fuckin’ luck with that, pal.

By the way, when asked on Sunday what his prediction was for Eovaldi in Game 3, Alex Cora said seven innings and one run. That’s MY motherfuckin’ manager. If Dave Dombrowski wasn’t waiting at Eovaldi’s locker after this game with a blank check and two hookers, then he isn’t doing his job.

The Red Sox now face the challenge of playing the Yankees at Yankee Stadium, while the Bronx Bombers are facing elimination. Maybe they’ll try the whole being really loud thing again in Game 4. I would imagine that’s the plan. But the Red Sox have also discovered the blueprint on how to make sure that it’s so quiet that fans are literally falling asleep in the stands — lay down the hammer of God and never let up.

The Red Sox beat the Yankees so badly that New York had a position player closing out the game. We will find out once and for all what the Yankees are made of on Tuesday night. After a beating like that, some teams lay down and die, and some teams use it as motivation to fight back. Rick Porcello has a complete game, one-hitter against the Yankees this season, which was part of a four-game sweep at Fenway Park. He is the man chosen by Cora to finish the job. Finish what you started. The ALCS is just one game away.

Final score: Red Sox SIXTEEN, Yankees 1