Back to School | New T-Shirts, Hoodies, Hats, Crewnecks, Jackets and MoreSHOP NOW

I'll Never Lick The Testicles Of A Downed Moose


I understand the desire to hunt. There’s something joyful about harvesting meat for your entire family during the winter months. Hell, places all over the country opened bow season today. That being said, there is so reason to lick the testicles of the animal you killed.

In my day, people put a little blood across their forehead but never offered to go sack to mouth because the animal offered you its life. If thats the way you hunt, I will not go hunting with you. Simple as that. I’m on a 36-year streak of a testicle-free mouth and I plan on keeping it that way unless Frank Sinatra comes back from the dead. If you would like to offer me moose meat, I will take it because it’s delicious.

While you are hunting, please practice weapon safety rules. Maybe you have a few minutes left in the office, here’s some hunting mishaps to get you through the last couple of minutes.