These Two Artists Living In A Hipster Hamster Wheel Are Kicking Humanity Square In The Dick

GOTHAMIST – As promised, artists Ward Shelley and Alex Schweder moved into an old boiler room in Williamsburg on Friday night, where they’ll be staying through March 9th. It would be the world’s most boring story, were it not for the fact that their home for the next eight days and nights is a gigantic, three-story hamster wheel. It’s part performance art, part installation/sculpture, all Brooklyn-circa-2014.

I’m not saying I’m contributing a lot to society at this moment. I wake up, blog, attempt to sling pasta, rub one out, blog more, do the nightly Seinfeld/Jeopardy!/sports routine, rub some more out, then sleep. Wash, rinse and repeat. Actually took me awhile to realize the last time I was outside (Sunday, I think). Safe to say I’m not exactly going to be splitting the atom or curing Polio anytime soon. But these douche nuggets are not only contributing nothing to society but are detracting from mankind’s progress. Performance art my dick. If this is considered “art” then I’m going to live stream the next deuce that’s taken to the Met and call it “Dropped Heat: A Chipotle Inspired Piece”. Maybe Lord Of The Douche Shia Labeouf could swing by and substitute for the toilet. Right up his alley. Get the fuck out of here with this.

Hopefully someone forgets to feed them for a week or so and they’re found dead trying to escape through one of those pipes to nowhere. Little do they know the only hamster-based art that is acceptable is country is the construction of Tube City: