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From Deadspin

“Meanwhile, Portnoy is stuck cranking out videos in which he eats pizza on the street”

Laura Wagner

“It’s not enough to be successful others must fail.”  It’s actually insane how much smarter I am than everybody else. The fact the beautiful and sexy Laura Wagner thought I was just eating pizza for the hell of it is laugh out loud funny. Dave Portnoy always has a plan. Pizza is the gateway to the brain and now I own pizza and I own brains. Meanwhile Laura Wagner is still trying figuring out the license plate of the car that just ran her over. Newflash Laura. It wasn’t a car.  It was half Mack Truck half Lamborghini. Good luck stopping that. Checkmate Pageviews.

PS – The offer to go on a date still stands.