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Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher

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MichiganVan Buren Township school officials are investigating an elementary teacher who operates and performs for an X-rated internet porn site with her husband.

Linda Janack … is a longtime reading teacher, and other teachers said she has a sterling reputation in terms of her work duties.

But at night, Janack works on a site called Hot For Teachers. Van Buren Township school officials confirmed they are looking into parent complaints about Janack’s internet porn activities. …

Janack’s husband, Scott, spoke to Local 4 on the phone Wednesday. He refused to allow the conversation to be recorded, but he confirmed he and his wife have a website. He said he hopes more people will go to it and see it.

Scott Janack refused to comment on whether his wife will be teaching this fall and said they are in talks with the school district about the situation.

I’m sorry. Before anything else, please understand that I am sorry. I’ve let you down. Being a part of Barstool is more than a job to me, it’s a responsibility. A sacred trust. One I do not take lightly. And when I can’t deliver up to my own, exacting standards I’m disappointed in myself. More than you could ever be. So I apologize to the Stoolies sincerely and hope you’ll find it in your collect heart to forgive me.

I simply cannot find Linda Janack’s website. And believe me, I’ve spent more time and burned more calories looking than you can imagine. I’ve searched every iteration of “Hot For Teachers.” With every known web address suffix short of “dot gov.” I’ve tried every social media platform. And so many different adult sites my PC probably has more viruses than the refrigerated test tubes at the Center for Disease Control. And I’ve turned up nothing. I wanted nothing more out of this day than to present you with the NSFW link this Teacher Sex Scandal is crying out for. But instead I spent the whole morning dodging links to the Van Halen song.

I could blame Scott Janack for doing such a monumentally suckass job at promoting the site where his reading teacher wife rides the bone train. I could point fingers at the very news outlets who spoke to him but did not publish the address. But I won’t. The buck stops here. Success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan. No excuses, Thornton. Grade Sex Scandal Teachers Like a Champion Today. But like the great relief pitchers, all I can do is put this bad inning behind me and move on. The next time a teacher trashes her career to get laid on camera and her husband posts the videos online for strangers to masturbate to, I’ll find it. That is my solemn vow to you, I swear.

The Grades:
Looks: Linda is your classic amateur swinger porn wife. The dirty blonde hair. Fake boobs. Getting older but keeping it together with spin classes and Zumba. She’s got to learn that as you get older, you can’t be looking down at the camera; always up. But still. Damn, those videos must be a treasure trove. But there I go again, apologizing when I need to focus on the job at hand.
Grade: B

Moral Compass/Bad Judgment: You have to admire the sheer, ballsy audacity of the Janacks. Linda works at an elementary school, so unlike her fellow teachers, sex with her students is out of the question. (Dear God, please let it be out of the question. So she performs this brilliant flanking maneuver, doing an end-around on all of them to take her deranged, career-killing horniness right to the masses. While Scott goes to the media in order to promote the sight and jump starting her new career. It’s genius. The only reason it’s not an “A” is because he did such a pisspoor job of it.
Grade: B+

Intangibles: I’d give anything to have this reading teacher grade my writing on this blog. If you’re reading this, Mrs. Janack, you can find my email below. Also please send a link to your site. Extra credit is very much available.
Grade: B

Overall: B

Do you have someone you want to see graded? Tweet her to me @jerrythornton1 or email me at jerry@barstoolsports.com. Your service to the betterment of mankind will be its own reward.