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Hey If You're The Asshole Thieves Who Stole A 660 Pound Lion Last Night, Give It Back

47 lion

Mirror- Police are hunting thieves with nerves of steel after they knocked out a 47-stone lion, bundled it into a truck and roared off. They put their lives into the possible jaws of death as they used dart guns to sedate the nine-year-old King of the Jungle and stole him from an animal sanctuary in Brazil. Police were hunting the “mane” suspects, three men and a woman, who were mistaken for environmentalists dropping off an abandoned animal. Oswaldo Garcia,who had been caring for the missing lion in the sanctuary on the outskirts of Monte Azul Paulista city, near Sao Paulo, since 2009, said: “The main entrance and the cage door were smashed open. “Whoever took Rawell knew what they were doing. Stealing a lion, especially one his size, is not easy. “All I want is his safe return so he can lead the dignified life he enjoyed here. “He was like a son to me. He was very docile.”

Hey asshole thieves, not cool.  Not cool at all.  Pelting a lion full of sedative darts and then hauling him off to who knows where.  Super duper ballsy, but still not cool.  Did you read those quotes from the lion’s caregiver, Oswaldo?  Oswaldo is absolutely heartbroken and I can’t say I blame him.  Talking about how the lion is like a son to him and what not.  Sad as shit.  You can’t just steal a guy’s lion and expect it not to take an emotional toll on everyone.  What the hell are these thieves going to do with a 660 pound lion anyway?  Other than whatever the fuck they want I guess.  Sky’s the limit I suppose.  Do you sell it?  Do you become a complete and total badass and train it to be like a dog?  Having a pet lion would be pretty dope now that I think about it.  You heard Oswaldo.  He said the lion is docile.  I don’t know how you read that but I read that as saying you can ride around on the lion’s back like a horse and chase down antelope together.  Which goes without saying would be the coolest thing in the world.

PS- I’m still mad at the thieves but this story just goes to show how incredibly dominant humans are on the food chain.  Like oh, lions are the King of Jungle?  Sooooo scary.  We’ll just pelt you with a few tranquilizer darts and do whatever the fuck we want.  All I’m saying is, humans FTW.  Forever and always.