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This blog cums in handy

Morning… I don’t do many reactionary blogs, but I heard this story on 1010WINS on the way in this morning, and it intrigued me.

A screening team at Berlin’s Schonefeld Airport mistook an Ann Summers vibrator for a hand grenade and ordered an evacuation of part of the terminal.

The owner of the offending luggage was reported to be a 31-year-old man who said he had bought the vibrator for his girlfriend. He was allowed to continue his journey with the sex toy still in his luggage.

I love the “it’s not mine”-defense that this sonofabitch went right to once security pulled him aside.  I’ve used the same defense with my parents when they found pot in my closet in the early 80’s, and then again with my wife when she found porn in my closet in the late 90’s… Because we’ve all had a friend at one time or another ask us to hold his weed and/or Traci Lords DVD’s.

When I worked at CITI, if someone was traveling and had any type of carry-on near his desk, we’d have an intern fetch a cucumber and aluminum foil from a bodega and then tuck the metal wrapped cuke deep into his luggage.  Whenever airport security would find it, it was easy enough to explain as a prank, especially pre-9/11.  But in a day and age where people bomb first and ask questions later, I imagine it is much more difficult to explain away a male prostate massager (“It’s not mine!”) that is shaped like a hand grenade.

What great free advertisement for Ann Summers though, right?  I just hit up her Male Toys Line, more specifically her “Moregasm” collection, and I bookmarked a couple of fleshlights for Father’s Day next year… Because “sometimes your hand just won’t do.”

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This brings me to a rare point of contention between the bride and I.  We were sitting at a bar last night, and she asked, “Why does your writing include so many allusions towards masturbation?… I know it’s funny to talk about, but don’t you think guys will get tired of reading about it?”

I had to explain to her that guys get sick of their jobs, their hobbies, and even their families, but beating off is something most guys pick up around 10 years old, and it’s often the last thing they do on their deathbed, so I think it’s got some legs.

You know what a guy says the first time he beats off?… “Whoa.  That was awesome.”

You know what a guy says the last time he beats off?… “Whoa.  That was awesome.”

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I remember in college, we used to leave a sock on our doorknob to let roommates know we were busy in our room having sex with the other sock.

Bottom line- Most guys don’t hug their kids every day, but they hug their dick like clockwork.  And thanks to 1010WINS, I now know some guys do it in Germany with a vibrating grenade lodged in their asshole.

Take a report.

-Large

Advertisement:  Go to annsummers.gov and use promo code: Large beats off  to get 2% off any grenade-shaped prostate massager.