Ray Lewis Nearly Bored Us To Death With His Not-22 Minute Speech

We all knew Ray Lewis was going to get up there and preach. We all knew he was going to go on a tangent about something even the Lord can’t understand. And we all knew his “22-minute” speech would never see the light of day.

Of course it wasn’t going to be 22 minutes! The moment I saw him walk on stage WEARING A WIRELESS MIC, I knew it was over.

You can’t talk about bringing prayer back into schools, and how it would end school violence and sex trafficking, in 22 minutes. Not if you also want to talk about Michael Phelps, a swimmer not a football player, and how you would both do “ANYTHING FOR BALTIMORE.” (Hmm… I don’t think Ray Lewis should be talking about how he would do “anything” for Baltimore because some people might interpret “anything” to include killing. But that’s just my opinion.)

And speaking of Baltimore, you certainly can’t complete a speech in 22 minutes if you plan on saying “Baltimore” 9 times in 12 seconds, like a hundred times.

Or if you plan on making time to disgrace your teenage kids when you tell the world you still kiss them on the mouth (shoutout Tom Brady).

All of that, coupled with pacing back and forth across the stage and incomprehensible ramblings, took 33 minutes and change. But you know what? It doesn’t even matter because that was Ray Lewis’s time to shine. That was the moment he played for his entire career. That was the moment his very own bust that looks absolutely nothing like him in any way shape or form would go into the history books, to be remembered forever.