Paul Manafort Deserves To Be In Jail

Sorry to trigger you with that headline but facts are facts: for buying that jacket Paul Manafort deserves to be locked up and have the key not thrown away, but hung just out of his reach because there can be no despair without hope. Yeah, I’ve seen Batman. Whatever.

Paul, baby, you really thought you could pull that jacket off? I don’t even care about the price, $15k for an ostrich coat is ash tray money, but heavens what is going through a 60+ year old man’s head as he tries that on? That looks like a faux leather jacket you bought at Abercrombie when you were in 5th grade because it resembled the poor person’s version of something Travis Barker would wear (he said, citing a very specific story that totally didn’t happen). For goodness sake, it’s got drawstrings and probably a hood! You were born in the 40s, Paul. Even Bieber would look at that and think, “Eh, I’m not so sure I can pull off a jacket with weird bumps that make it look like Killmonger’s chest.” That jacket looks like something strictly worn by people who think Polo Blue is the fanciest fragrance in all the world. It’s one of the worst midlife crisis purchases I’ve ever seen.

And look, I realize this is a ridiculous message coming from a guy who wears hipster cowboy hats and distressed jeans, but guess what? I pull that shit off and look fantastic in it. Ask a very select few people whose opinions I choose to remember while I block out the incessant mean tweets of the majority, they’ll tell you.

The point is that Paul Manafort should be in jail for his fashion sense. Lock him up!