Denver Got Over Losing The Super Bowl By Turning To Porn, As is Tradition

Don't try uploading the Game to Pornhub because we don't allow rape.

— Pornhub Katie (@Pornhub) February 3, 2014

Gawker Just like Christmas Day and Thanksgiving, porn viewership was down significantly during the Super Bowl, especially in Denver and Seattle, where the number of viewers on PornHub dropped 51% and 61%. Across the country, porn watching was down about 32% during the game. The excitement leading up to the Super Bowl also led to a noticeable drop, with 11% and 18% decreases in Denver and Seattle and a six percent drop across the country. That’s a lot less porn! Post-game, the numbers went back up everywhere except Seattle and Washington, where—because everyone was out celebrating instead of masturbating—the numbers were 17.2% and 11.3 percent lower than usual. Sad residents of Denver and Colorado as a whole took solace in their porn, though, cranking their numbers up 10.8% and 7.6% over average. Post-game porn watching was up about four percent country-wide.

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Denver post-Super Bowl porn selection was probably the most vile stuff ever. I bet the people over at PornHub can’t even share what the most watched videos are because it would somehow have a negative backlash on them. Just imagine after 100 buffalo wings, the poor savages of Denver finding the most degrading video possible to wreck themselves to before having to wake up all disheveled for work this morning. That city needs a big air freshener right now.