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Tim Tebow Will Have Surgery To Fix A Broken Bone In His Hand And Is Likely Out For The Season

And there you have it folks. Not even God’s favorite player could survive the 2018 Mets season, baseball’s version of 40 days and 40 nights being stuck in the desert with the devil. If God somehow didn’t hate the Mets before today, he sure as shit does now.

I am admittedly torn on this news. On one hand, I love Tim Tebow and feel absolutely terrible for him. After being clowned for trying to chase his dreams and making Minor League Baseball of all things a sideshow, Tebow actually started to show some progress. He had just made his first All-Star game, batted .301 in June, was hitting .340 in July, and was doing it all for a team named the Rumble Ponies. If you weren’t rooting for Tim Tebow to potentially to more crazy Tim Tebow miracles, you need to take a long, hard look in the mirror. Then it all just ends in the blink of an eye with shit luck. There will be no miracle or joy in Metsville once again.

On the other hand, this completely fucks the Wilpons, which makes me happy. Anybody with a brain knows that with the Mets being in the shitter and no fan with a brain wanting to spend money to visit Citi Field in September, Tebow could have been a huge box office draw for those bankrupt bozos. Now it looks like that won’t be the case. Which sucks for Tim, but also sucks for Fred and Jeff.

*Thinks about it for a minute*

Shit, this means the Mets are definitely going to move every player on the trading block for cash considerations now that the Wilpons’ September nest egg is gone. Asdrubal Cabrera can be picked up for a crisp $20 bill. Jacob deGrom will be sent to the first team whose owner Venmos the Wilpons personal account. And Rob Manfred will not do a goddamn thing about a team in a big market cheaping out once again in a sport where being in a big market can still be a real advantage. Fuck everything.

But get well Tim!