Surviving Barstool | Ep. 3 Premieres Wednesday (11/29) at 8PM ETWATCH EP. 2 NOW

5 Foot 5 Dude Is Obsessed With Wanting To Dunk A Basketball And Maybe A Little Too Obsessed

I should start off by saying that I’ve always wanted to dunk a basketball.  That’s pretty obvious.  Who doesn’t?    But after awhile I realized I was too fat, couldn’t jump and, most importantly, super unathletic.  And at some point you just get over.  You come to terms with it and you say to yourself that it’s never going to happen and you move on.  Or you do what every white kid in America does and you simply lower the hoop a little so you can dunk.  That’s what this guy should have done from the start.  It would’ve saved him a whole lot of time.  On day one he could’ve lowered the hoop, thrown down a windmill dunk and then done something else with his life.  Just like that.  Done.  It’s so much easier.  Lower it a few feet and like magic you transform from a guy who couldn’t dunk at all into the love child of Vince Carter and Dominique Wilkins.  You’re doing 360s, you’re throwing down tomahawk dunks and having dunk contests with your other vertically challenged friends.  It’s the best day ever.  And the best part is that you don’t have to commit time and effort to it.

Some of my favorite quotes from this guy:

“Ya know how I got my first dunk?  An accident.  The ball bounced off the rim and I caught it and I put it back in and grabbed the rim (crazy look).  And guess what?  I didn’t dunk for three more weeks after that.”

So wait.  You accomplished dunking a basketball (albeit by accident) but then still continued to keep trying to dunk because one wasn’t good enough?  Sounds greedy to me.  If I ever dunked on a 10 foot hoop (never gonna happen) even by accident I’d never pick up a basketball again.  That’d be my walk off.  I’d be satisfied.

“I had to do so much running and jumping and lifting just to put a little basketball inside of a cylinder that’s 10 feet off the ground.  And it’s still worth 2 points”

This really gets to the crux of the issue.  The thing that you’re trying to accomplish is artificial.  A hoop is 10 feet because somebody decided it should be 10 feet.  You’re doing all of this work to accomplish something that is truly meaningless.  Take my advice above, lower the rim and turn the basketball court into a dunk show.

“Anything is possible”

“I have the chance to tell that kid who’s in Iowa right now sitting in from of his computer and he finds out that I’m the same height as him and for one split second he may think “I can do it”

That’s a real quote from that video and I take back everything I said before.  Now I want to dunk a basketball because I’m fairly certain he’s talking directly to me.  I’m taller than 5’5 (I’m 5’11) so it should be a little easier for me.  I will have to drop about 40 pounds first.


PS- That dude is straight up jacked.  No homo but totally homo.

h/t drake