The Attempt to Have the World's Largest Orgy Comes Up Way Short

Source – Earlier this month, events group Menage Life’s sex festival fell short of its lofty, sweaty goal: to have the world’s largest orgy.

While there’s no official world record, a Menage Life rep told Las Vegas Weekly that Japan allegedly nabbed the record for world’s largest romp at 500 people in 2006.

Sadly, Menage Life only drew in 375 people, reports Men’s Health.

At least festivalgoers still had a great time.

“We were still able to host a pretty amazing event, considering the circumstances,” a party rep says in a statement. …

Planners initially anticipated more than 1,000 participants, but they faced a series of logistical issues, including a last-minute venue switch.

Enough of this Participation Trophy culture excuse making and “we all still had a great time” platitudes. Hate to break this to you Menage Life, but there’s still some of us in this country who want results. Who expect you to set goals and then meet or exceed them. If you ain’t first, you’re last. Wake up in morning and piss excellence. Preferably on a partner who gave you consent and their pre-selected safety word. Orgy Like a Champion Today.

There’s no shame in not achieving your goal. Especially if you aim high enough. As the Norman Vincent Peale said, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you’ll miss you’ll land among the stars. Which isn’t correct from an astronomical point of view. But I think it fits pretty nicely with trying to have 1,000 weirdos show up to a hotel to have anonymous sex with each other. Just own the failure. Don’t make excuses. That’s how America does it. We don’t whine about “logisitical issues.” That’s not how we tamed the wildnerness. Built the Transcontinental Railroad. Landed on the moon. Figured out how to bake mini hot dogs inside pizza crust. You know what had a “last-minute venue switch”? The U.S.S. Arizona. It was switched to the bottom of Pearl Harbor. But that didn’t stop us from beating the Japanese at their own game, the way Menage Life should’ve done.

So pull yourself up by your assless chaps, straighten out your zipper mask, figure out where you went wrong and do better next time. Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.