USA Today Says That Pickleball Is The Fastest Growing Sport. Now I Want To Fight USA Today
Ummmmmm excuse me. What in the hecking fuck did you just say?
That’s what I thought you said. Well alright then. Did I wake up this morning thinking that I needed to kick the entire USA Today editorial staff’s asses? No I did not. But sometimes that’s just blog life. Because I’m going to find every single person who was involved with the creation of this headline and punch them in the throat, then kick them square in the dick. Because there can only be one fastest growing sport in the country. That sport, of course, is lacrosse.
Now do I think there’s a chance that pickleball is a bigger sport in prisons right now than lacrosse is? Yeah I mean, I can definitely see it. I feel like the only crime that most lacrosse guys would get jammed up for would be either tax evasion or some sort of insider trading. And even then, most of the dads are lawyers so it’s not like they’d be seeing any real jail time. So lax might not be the most popular sport amongst inmates. But that’s not what this headline says. The headline reads, “Pickleball, the country’s fastest growing sport”. And that, my friends, is just a flat out lie.
Is the Pickleball all-star game going to be broadcasted on ESPN2 tomorrow night? No. Are the pickleball world championships going to be broadcasted on ESPN2 and ESPNU next month? They sure as shit are not. Does pickleball have its own podcast on Barstool Sports [dot] com? At least not that I’m aware of. But lacrosse does. And you can check it out right here.
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So you bitches tell me. Is pickleball really the fastest growing sport in America? Or are the bastards at USA Today a bunch of lying pricks who report nothing but fake news. Because to me, it would appear that lacrosse is not only the Sport of the Future, but it is also lapping the competition. Now buy a shirt.