John Tavares Is A Real Dickhead If He Doesn't Listen To Joe Pavelski's Grandmother
Alright so I normally don’t dabble in the world of breaking news but I do have a little scoop here for everybody–John Tavares, formerly of the New York Islanders, is set to become an unrestricted free agent on Sunday July 1st, 2018. I have it confirmed by 3 separate sources, all close to the situation so don’t even think to question this report. And with Tavares set to hit the open market on Sunday, his list is down to 6 teams. In no specific order, those teams are the San Jose Sharks, Dallas Stars, New York Islanders, Toronto Maple Leafs, Boston Bruins and Tampa Bay Lightning. Now I’m a little confused as to how the frickin’ heck the Lightning still think they’re in the mix here after signing JT Miller to a 5-year, $5.25M AAV contract yesterday. Kind of a bizarre move to lock up a 3rd line winger long term in the middle of meeting with a guy like John Tavares, especially when it’s not like the Lightning have the greatest cap situation in the world now but whatever. Those are the 6 teams who are in the mix and Joe Pavelski’s grandma, Mary Ann, has casted her vote.
Look at that sweet old lady! Looks like the type of lady who could meet you one time and always offer you a warm meal and a place to sleep for the rest of your life. You’d have to be a real son of a bitch to cross her. If Grandma Pavelski wants John Tavares to sign with the Sharks this summer, then John Tavares better damn well sign his ass with the Sharks this summer. You gonna side with some bagel slingin’ jabroni over Meemaw Pavs? If you side with Smelly Borrelli over Grandma Pavelski, you’re a sick bastard. And there’s really no coming back from that type of karma. Not signing with the Sharks would set John Tavares up for a career of mediocrity. 1st and 2nd round exits until the day he retires. Do the right thing here, John. There’s really only one choice for you to make.