Warning: This video contains things that might make you upset (if seeing tigers do what they need to do to survive is something that makes you upset).
Shoutout Smithsonian Magazine and their subsequent website for providing this elite, elite video to get us fired the fuck up on this lovely Monday morning.
If we’re talking big cats, Tigers are firmly planted at the top of the mountain. They pretty much combine all of the skills of every other big cat in the world, making them the planet’s benchmark for being a masterful killing machine. Basically if you put every big cat through the NFL combine, Tigers are your fucking Jadaveon Clowney; your Saquan Barkley and Rob Gronkowski. They’re the guys who are gonna put up huge numbers in every drill you put ‘em through. Cheetahs might take the 40 but they’re built like weak little girls so what else do you expect? You don’t kill a fucking red deer buck by running a 4.2 40-yard dash in a pair of gym shorts.
The skill needed to hunt like this beast of an animal in the video above is earned on the playing field. Look at the way she bounds through the forest like she’s Ray Lewis avoiding blockers and teammates to fill the B gap on a 2nd and short. She’s got enough speed to keep up with her prey, and enough field vision to take a good route, cut the weakest one off and deliver a decisive blow, essentially ripping this thing’s fucking throat out and then just holding it in it’s mouth while it squeals and ultimately suffocates and/or bleeds to death.
If you’re looking for a cute and cuddly angle, she was really out on the prowl for some red meat because she has two (2) adorable yet hungry cubs back at home to feed. Sure, watching some Asian deer get tackled and it’s throat ripped out is good if you’re trying to get fired up to do some desk work or if you need the adrenaline to demolish an old kitchen in your house you just bought so you can install a new convection oven and a countertop island and one of those refrigerators that have all the different doors for various types of food and drink, but everyone knows cute plays. This is me acknowledging that.
For me, this video is all about blood lust. If that’s not a metaphor for something in every one of our lives, then I guess I don’t really know what a metaphor is. Let’s attack this week like we’ve got a family of cute ass tiger cubs to feed, and mama’s teat ain’t cutting it anymore, because a tiger’s gotta eat, folks. A tiger’s gotta eat.