Editor’s Note: Deep Thoughts With Big Ev the Double Vodka Don back for its second installment. Looks like we gotta get this guy an author name.
It’s a marvelous Friday in the big apple. The city of dreams. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and I’m wearing a silky smooth shirt with flowers and palm trees on it. What could be better? I’ll tell you what could be better, if ALL the interns actually participated in Hawaiian Friday. It amazes me that with 20 interns we only have four wearing Hawaiian shirts today. I REPEAT, ONLY FOUR. Talk about selfishness. Who the fuck wears a t-shirt to work on a Friday?! Complete psychopaths that’s who.
When you work for a company as progressive as this one, who allows you to express yourself freely through clothing (within reason), it disgusts me with this lack luster effort from us as a group. Does anyone want to work here full time?! It’s just a bad look from us as an organization. We’re supposed to be a team. Working together to achieve the common goal of helping take this company TO THE MOON. How the hell is anyone supposed to do that wearing a t-shirt. Suffocating our chests and not letting our chest hair breath on a Friday. It’s just disgraceful. On top of all of that Erika Nardini, our Queen and CEO, shouted us out on Forbes today and this is how we repay her? By not wearing Hawaiian shirts? Are you kidding me? I’m sick to my stomach.
I am taking it upon myself to lead this group of young people to the promise land. I can’t sit back and watch the demise of the team any longer. Would the Yankees show up to a home game without pinstripes on? Not a chance in hell. So call me Derek Jeter because the captain is here to save the day. I’m diving in the stands head first coming up with a bloody face if I have to. I don’t care if I have to clean out my closet and bring a Hawaiian shirt for each and every intern to wear. Whatever it takes to bring this team a championship, or even better……. full time jobs.