Back to School | New T-Shirts, Hoodies, Hats, Crewnecks, Jackets and MoreSHOP NOW

How To Get People To Go To Church: Post a Sign Saying "Forgiveness is Swallowing When You'd Rather Spit"

Religion these days is pretty weird. If you’re openly vocal about your lord and savior I tend to walk on the opposite side of the street as you. My brain is more concerned about Aaron Judge home runs and what’s going to happen in Game of Thrones rather than wondering how I’m going to please God with my actions. I was raised both Jewish and Catholic and had a “fake” Bar Mitzvah only to please my dying grandfather, who passed away two weeks before the big day. I could really care less about either side. That all being said, I think I’d go to this church. There’s nothing like some blowjob humor to increase attendance.

I mean I NEED to see what women are showing up to the Sunday Mass after the church posts a sign saying “Forgiveness is Swallowing When You’d Rather Spit.” I also need to see who this priest is because he definitely fucks. This is sign comes from an Australian church called the Anglican Church of the Holy Spirit. According to an article Australian News, a spokesman of the church attempted to clarify the sign,

“You don’t open your mouth and yell at somebody, you close your mouth and swallow,” they said, confused as to why someone wouldn’t understand. If you want to say something, keep your mouth closed for a bit. Swallow it, don’t spit it out.”

I’m just picturing in my head a bunch of Isla Fishers from Wedding Crashers in attendance and I’m get riled up.

I’ll see everyone on Sunday!