Finding Beauty in the Chaos: Counting Down the 10 Best Natural Disasters
(EDITORS NOTE: This is our intern for the summer Jake the Bulldog. I asked him for a nickname and he was called the Bulldog in youth football, so until we can do better it’s Jake the Bulldog. He is a 20-year-old rising junior at Hillsdale and killed the intern interviews (See below. He’s the one who can say stuff backwards). To get a sense of his humor I asked him to write about whatever he wanted and he picked natural disasters. Our audience is often slow to judgement, but don’t be afraid to let him know what you think. -RONE)
THE 10 BEST NATURAL DISASTERS (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)
In lieu of the eruption of the Kilauea volcano, now in its fourth week of eruptions on the Big Island in Hawaii, we will be counting down the 10 best natural disasters.
#10 Sandstorms in Sahara, Morocco
Look at this boy right here, an absolute unit to say the least. Picture this: you’re getting ready to mount a camel and go for a leisurely jaunt through the Sahara, as one does. You take your eyes off her glorious humps for just a moment (you fondly named her Matilda after your favorite Danny DeVito production), and you spot a giant wave of sand barreling toward you. There’s no point in trying to escape, because the sheer girth of the sandstorm is too monstrous for any chance to flee. You are stuck in that perfect moment between Matilda and a wave of sand, nothing to do but gaze in wonder. The literal calm before the storm.
#9 Frozen Chicago
Living up to its “Windy City” nickname, Chicago famously freezes in the winter. Contrary to popular belief, there is actually quite a bit of infrastructure in Chicago. Metal tends to get cold during the winter, causing most of the city to freeze if not properly maintained. One of the best parts about Chicago freezing is we get to enjoy watching the Bears slide around on Soldier Field for at least six weeks while their fans remain optimistic that next year will be the year they can finish with more than 6 wins.
#8 Arizona Lightning Storms
These are amazing for multiple reasons. First of all, in this one picture pulled off the internet it does not appear that there are any humans near where the lightning is striking. Because I have not seen evidence to point elsewhere, I am going to assume that no one in Arizona has ever been struck by lightning. Second, lightning is quite the visual spectacle. Shoutout to Harry Potter for having one of these boys on his forehead since the age of one. A real style icon.
#7 Supercells in Colorado
These are formed by rotating thunder storms and can sometimes form tornadoes. Even before the the tornadoes form, these are still relatively dangerous, so steer clear. However, if you are feeling adventurous, go ahead and chase a supercell because you will be sure to capture some exquisite photos if your camera doesn’t get swept up in the storm. Please don’t confuse these with sleeper cells, a secretive group of spies or terrorist agents that remain inactive within a target population until ordered to act.
#6 Avalanches
Who doesn’t love a giant pile of snow barreling down a mountain right at your face? Avalanches are great fun for the whole family! In 1996, the first year that the Colorado Avalanche relocated from Quebec, the Avs won the Stanley Cup Finals. Avalanches in Colorado have quite the history of winning, whether on the ice or in a fight against your quaint log cabin in the Rockies.
#5 Kilauea Eruptions
This volcano has been erupting for the past four weeks and is the most active volcano in Hawaii. Obviously hot lava is extremely dangerous, however not all people know that magma is stored in the earth’s crust, while lava is magma that has reached the surface. This past Monday, the official USGS Volcanoes Twitter account had to discourage a foolish child that thought it would be a great idea to roast marshmallows over flowing lava. Many people are saying this is the most important Twitter interaction of this week.
#4 Tornadoes in Kansas
Everyone loves a good tornado. There’s something about a vortex over the flat land of the Great Plains that makes for a great photo. Who has the better spin move: Dwight Freeney or a tornado ripping through the Great Plains? It’s hard to tell, but either will have devastating effects on the opposition.
#3 Chaiten Volcano in Chile
This is quite literally the perfect storm of events. An eruption inside of a thunderstorm is equal parts beautiful and frightening. This photo is from the May 2008 eruption, which resulted in the city to be covered in ashes for a few months. Some would say that the despair of these few Chileans is worth a spectacular photo. I am compassionate, so I would not, but some would.
#2 Storm in Foz do Douro, Portugal
Absolutely gorgeous waves on cascading over a lighthouse. This makes for an amazing photo, but we need to address lighthouses. What is the point of a lighthouse these days? I understand that they used to aid in navigation when the storms were acting in an unforgiving manner, but nowadays we can use the GPS on our iPhone to navigate, so it’s about time to make lighthouses another thing that millennials have killed. Either way, this is an amazing photo.
#1 Stormy Daniels
There is nothing quite like reinvigorating your career due to having sex with the president like 7 years ago. Sending the country into a frenzy, having conservatives rethink their alignment with the Republican Party, and causing the president to appeal to literally every male in America, Stormy Daniels proved herself to be a real national treasure at the beginning of 2018.