Thursday Random Thoughts
1. 
Ok, here is the question everybody is asking. How much to streak with a chicken taped to your dick at Fenway? Just a few issues ago I said you’d need to pay me $15,000 to do a straight streak. The chicken adds 5 grand for a total of $20,000 for a chicken dick streak.
2. "That's why he's the best."
Chris Berman on Peyton Manning after he hit a stationary target during the Pro Bowl Skills Competition.
And this my friends is why ESPN is a joke.
3. This link of the day is hilarious. I’m not sure if it is safe for work or not though. On the one hand there are naked breasts but one the other hand they are displayed in a somewhat scientific manner. I’m also sure there is some type of psych experiment that can be done which examines your personality based on which kind of bra you look at first.
4. This Charles Rodgers story comes courtesy of Barstool heart throb Pete Manzo.
"I just got text message from my buddy who's in Miami. Charles Rodgers is making out in the hotel pool right now...he keeps telling people he works for Ford." ...."He showed up with his woman at like 6pm and kept saying 'Damn!! I gotta get me in that pool.' Anyway, he jumped into the pool with his woman and started PDAing for half an hour. Then his woman left and he just floated jaround the pool for an hour in the dark on a boogie board like he was 8 years old."
I love how he Rodgers says he works at Ford! It’s better to say that than the Lions because they are such a disgrace.
5. Tonight is the last regular season game of Bubble Hockey at the Sports Depot and your last chance to qualify for the tournament of champions and take out the Prez. Be there or be square. Puck drops at 8pm.
6. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed with my boy Taylor Hix last night on American Idol. He is picking bad songs. The guy can still flat out perform, but it’s tough when the song just doesn’t fit and last night didn’t fit. My recommendation for him next week would be something along the lines of “There ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone” It’s a brilliant choice. And he better get his shit together because Chris Daughtry is running away with the competition. He is flat out a million times better than everybody else. Randy had the perfect analogy when he said Chris could be in the studio with Audioslave or Incubus. He really could. The only thing that can stop Chris Daughtry from winning is if the 11 year old girl vote swings the ballet. But he has to be considered the favorite right now. He is on a different level from everybody else. Taylor Hix may be able to catch him with his unique performance style, but nobody can sing with Daughtry. As a side note, I hope to god David Radford gets eliminated. His tough guy routine for when the judges were ripping him to shreds did nothing for me. And can we please stop with the slow songs! This was the worst round of American Idol ever.
Reader Email
Email #1
Regarding that guy who emailed you yesterday about misspelling the Wonderlich test. It's spelled Wonderlich genius. Not only does Donald Judd call you out for spelling wonderlic wrong which is pretty lame to begin with but for once on a spelling question you were right and he was wrong. It IS spelled wonderlic and Donald Judd is a frigging douche bag. What a cock.
Frank Costanza
Wow, that’s unreal. It takes a special type of jerk to email me about misspelling somebody’s last name and a world class idiot to be wrong about it! That’s unreal. It just goes to show that you don’t Mess with Texas and El Pres.
Email #2
Presidente -
I normally reserve any emails I send to you to ridicule you for egregious errors you make because I am the type of guy who gets his kicks by pointing out other's shortcomings. That being said, email #7 on today's random thoughts made me question just what type of knuckleheads I associate myself with in reading your publication. Donald Judd says 'the real question is what it makes you' (referring to your misspelling Wonderlich and Vince Young being as smart as a pile of steaming horse dung). The real question Donald Judd is "when was the last time you got laid you no talent assclown?"
People who leave quotes that aren't witty or clever at the bottom of emails to Barstool Sports are effing suck pots.
PS - Doesn't Wonderlich sound like some sort of Nazi torture device?
"That's how I roll, Broseph"
KT
I love it.
Email #3
El Presidente! It is I, Ron Mexico back for another email installment. I know people have been writing in about Vince Young’s Wonderlic test and it’s getting old, but I really feel the need to chime in on this one. He got a 6.
Scoring a 10 is generously considered “literate”. Now let’s review, he got a 6, which is less than 10, meaning he is illiterate. I would drop serious money to see Vince, Jacques Lemaire, and Fantasia compete in a “See Spot Run Readathon”. It would go on for days! I began to think, this is a guy who went to high school and college, he can’t possibly be that DUMB. So maybe he is, as Homer Simpson would say, “Stupid alright. Stupid like a FOX!”. Maybe he threw the Wonderlic test! He knows he isn’t going #1 and who in their right mind would want to play for the Saints?! People are now ranking him behind Bush, Leinart, Cutler and others. Why not drop, jump in the limelight with a middle of the pack “contender”, get the team to the playoffs while Leinart and Cutler are getting sacked 11 times a game. It makes him come out smelling like a rose and then EVERYONE will say how in the world did these teams pass on Vince Young! It’s either that or he is a retard with off the charts retard strength and speed.
Interesting theory.
Email #4
Prez,
What a tool that guy is to some obscure quote to end his email. Also, the NFL test is spelled “wonderlic”, so he managed to make an ass out of himself in consecutive sentences. Anyway, I found this truncated and old version of the test on espn.com: http://espn.go.com/page2/s/closer/020228test.html
It’s only like 15 questions and most are real easy so I think the tough part is the time limit, or maybe football players are just idiots. Although one of these questions I could have spent an hour on without getting the answer. Enjoy,
Brian in NYC.
I love piling on this guy.
Email #5
El Prez-
Please tell the Mr. know-it-all that wonderlic is spelled both ways. If he doesn’t believe it, have him Google it. Their site is currently down because of the Vince Young story. He might want to spend more time checking his facts rather than nit picking emails and coming up with lame statements to attach to his name.
Hunk Azerbaijan
This is turning into a WWF match where all the wrestlers come out of the locker room and beat the snot out of somebody and it takes like an hour until the police or other wrestlers show up to break it up.
Email #6
EP,
Not for nothing, but you spelled Wonderlic right the other day. That douche who tried to call you out and spelled it "Wonderlich" is wrong.
That's all,
JF
I will print every one of these emails regardless if they say the same exact thing.
Email #7
Tell dork-boy Donald Judd it is Wonderlic.
http://www.wonderlic.com/default.asp
The Southern Dandy
Hey, isn’t the Southern Dandy my nickname?
Email #8
Hey Frank Gaydos, or Donald Judd, whoever the heck you are you clown...the test is not the "Wonderlich" as you so incorrectly corrected in random thoughts. The test goes by either Wonderlic (which you thought was
wrong) or Wunderlich...not the foolish combination you tried to pass off. So, rather than try and make El Pres look foolish, why don't you (in the spirit of
Zoolander) Wonderlic my balls.
Hansel
That was a chair to the head.
Email #9
'El Presidente' - I am sorry you have fallen victim to the Weymouth Police. Actually, all cops on the South Shore pretty much suck. The First Lady should have warned you before the move. However, Rt. 18 through Bridgewater is even worse. It's like a gauntlet. As much as I love the South Shore, I never encountered cops like that when I lived in Beverly.
-Jenn, Friend of the First Lady
Until I moved to Abington I probably had been pulled over less than 5 times in my life. Now I’m lucky to make it through a week only getting pulled over 5 times on RT 18. I got pulled over last week because the cops didn’t like the color of my Astrovan.
Email #10
quick story involving those scrubs at the hasty pudding club. last year at or around this same time, my friends and i went to a harvard hockey game(my buddies brother plays for the team.) afterwards, we somehow met up with some kids who took us to a party at the hasty pudding club house. The place was amazing, there was tons alligator stuff in honor of teddy roosevelt being a member, and the table they played beer pong looked like it was made from fine mahogany.
basically everyone there thought they were the cats pajamas and was all dressed up so i decided to lighten things up by taking my pants off in the living room area, when that failed to get a rise out of these stiffs, i took it upon myself to perform and upperdecker in the bathroom of this house. for those who dont no what an upperdecker is, its when you take the top off of the toilet, not the seat and shit in there as opposed to the bowl. for the rest of the night the bathroom reaked of shit, but no one knew where it was coming from. later, i heard that they had to spend a good chunk of change to repair the piping because the toilet wasnt working correctly, and they couldnt figure out the problem. it was just my way of sticking it to tha man.- Vaughan from
ATOWN
This was a great example of a good story that went bad because there were no capital letters or puncutation for that matter. This looks like vintage early work of Ed From Easton.
Email #11
El Presidente,
1. Can you explain David Wells' situation to me? What makes him want to go back to the West Coast? I understand the allure, a born and raised San Diegan, but the guy bailed on the Padres to join the Sox, and signed a two year contract so to make more money through incentives. He has in my mind no bargaining power. 2. I am a fan of the March Madness office pool, but have you ever played the version where you get points based on the seeding? i.e.normal rules, in the first round, if #5 Florida loses to #12 Bucknell, and you have Bucknell, you get 1 point, vs. this version, you get 12. It would make more underdog picks. 3. I know in Tahoe they have named ski runs after Americans from that region who won gold in skiing. I figure Loon should name the bar located halfway up the mountain in honor of Bode Miller. 4. I don't know if Manny showed up today, but will be checked Boston Dirt Dogs after sending this out. I can totally see him screwing off the team and still playing for Team Dominica.
Little Jon Maldives
I don’t like wacky scoring systems for my NCAA pools. As far as David Wells goes, I think the simple answer is that he is an asshole. Nothing makes sense with him.
Email #12
I interned for George Regan at Regan Comm after my junior year at the Heights. I used to have to drive him and his buddies around all day. The guy is absolutely flaming gay. Glad to see he took one in the poop chute, figuratively this time.
BNoles
Wow, I hope we can’t get in trouble for what other people say. In fact I’d like to add that clause right now. “Barstool Sports is not held responsible for what other people say.”