Wednesday Random Thoughts
1. The last few days I’ve been making fun of Indiana Hoosier coach Mike Davis for the fact that he missed Saturday’s game with the flu. Well today I’m here to say that I’m writing random thoughts with a severe case of the flu. I may have even skipped them had I not been making fun of Davis earlier in the week. But the bottom-line is that if you’re going to talk the talk then you better walk the walk. Nobody will ever say a severe case of the flu kept El Presidente down. So here goes nothing. In honor of Valentines Day yesterday I’d like to discuss those little heart shaped candies that have slogans on them like “you’re hot”. What’s the deal with these things? They suck right? I think it’s about time whoever makes those things comes up with a new formula. And the weird thing about them is I’ll just keep on eating them even though I don’t like them. Maybe that’s what the problem is.
2. LLEYTON Hewitt (Australian Tennis Player) failed to turn up to an intellectually handicapped fundraiser held in his honor last week because he was busy on the golf course, it emerged yesterday. Hewitt was to have been the star guest at the auction cruise to help intellectually disabled athletes make their way to Special Olympics World Games in China next year, but pulled out just 24 hours, citing a sore foot. As the cruise sailed around Sydney Harbor on Friday, the guest of honor was playing 18 holes at Terrey Hills golf course with former tennis ace Pat Rafter.
First of all you’ve got to be some sort of scumbag to blow off a bunch of mentally retarded kids for a round of golf. And second of all you got to be some sort of idiot to think that the “sore foot” excuse is going to fly. It’s not like they were asking you to run a marathon. At least do me a favor and put some time into the planning and execution of the plan. I think you owe the kids that much. I know when I used to skip work at The Yankee Group to go golfing I’d show up in a suit and tie and make sure everybody saw me before I’d hit the links.
3. Speaking of hatching schemes, nobody has anything on this next guy. A man staged his own disappearance in the Bighorn Mountains after losing $40,000 on a Super Bowl bet, police said Monday.
Marvin Hackworth, 46, of Gillette, was reported missing on Feb. 6, the day after the Super Bowl, according to the Big Horn County Sheriff's Office.Search and rescue teams spent two days looking for him in the rugged Bighorn Mountains in north-central Wyoming where he had told his wife he was headed to "clear his head" after losing the money, the sheriff's office said in a statement. On Friday, police received a call from a person identifying herself as Hackworth's daughter, saying she had received a voice mail message from her father saying he was OK, police said. Police traced the call to Chadron, Neb., which is about 200 miles from Gillette, and they found Hackworth. Turns out Hackworth had stashed a new pick up truck in the mountains before the Super Bowl in order to "disappear for a while" in case he lost the bet, police said."Hackworth said he knew he had to do something, because he was getting in so deep financially due to gambling losses. If he won on the Super Bowl game, it would have all worked out, but if he lost, he had everything in place now to disappear," Big Horn County Sheriff Dave Mattis told the Northern Wyoming Daily News.
If I had a nickel for every time I placed a bet where if it won “it would have all worked out” I’d be a rich man. And yes I think when you stage your own death it’s safe to say you have a gambling problem. Trust me I know.
4. There was a story on the Inside Track yesterday about a couple who was trying to break the Guinness Book World record for the world’s longest blind date. Keith Santarelli, 28, an MIT grad student, and Tara Fortunato were set up by Kiss 108 and Date.com. My favorite part of the story was when Keith Santerelli said despite the bad rap MIT guys get, he doesn’t have any problem scoring dates. “It’s like it’s a disease, not a school,” he joked.
I got a newsflash for MIT Face. Guys who don’t have any problems getting dates don’t have Date.com set them up for the world’s longest blind date. And they don’t have the chick they met on the blind date say she promised to take her best friend on the trip to Miami which is the reward if they break the record, 2 seconds into the date. Apparently MIT guys aren’t that smart after all.
5. Sticking with schools that have smart dorks attending them; enjoy this picture of from a Duke vs. Maryland game.
6. Our favorite FSU Chick got her own column on SI Com. Apparently Sports Illustrated outbid the Stool for her services. We maxed out our bidding at 0 dollars which would have put her at the top of the pay scale.
7. Yesterday we had Lingerie Bowl photos. We up the ante today with video footage of the event. It’s probably not safe for work but definitely worth watching. We have a couple world class asses in it.
8. Did people see those Chinese Figure Skaters who crashed during their routine and left the ice because the chick was injured only to return 2 hours later and continue the program like nothing ever happened and went on to win the Silver Medal? What the hell was that? That may have been the strangest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. It’s like a boxer getting knocked down and walking into the locker room for an hour to regain his senses and then continuing the fight. Or a Nascar Driver crashing his car and the race halting until he got a brand new one to continue in. It’s insanity and if I’m ever called into court to argue why the Olympics are a joke this would be exhibit A. Exhibit B may be the fact that Bode Miller doesn’t seem to care if he wins or loses. You play to win the game.
9. 24 Guy’s recap from Monday’s episode…
Leadership was the major theme of last nights "24". We are a quarter of the way through the day and its obvious there are issues at the top, both in the White House and at CTU. President Logan, to the surprise of no one who watched last year, clearly isn't up to the job. On top of the terrible acting, he is so odd looking, with the weak chin, the thin lips and the fact he has bags under only one of his eyes, that it forces me to look away from the TV when they show those disturbing close-ups of him. When he is alone in the room with Embryo, whose head is getting larger by the minute, I feel like I'm watching the bar scene from Star Wars. It also drives me nuts when, shortly after making a critical decision, such as releasing nerve gas in the mall, he completely puts it out of his mind, and five minutes later, on his way to meet w/ Walt's wife, he mentions it so matter of factly to Embryo, it's comical.( "So, how is CTU coming along with that whole hunt for the nerve gas thing", like he is asking about the weather, or the score of the National's game.) I'm begging the producers of the show to kill him off ,or at the very least, have him go hunting with his Vice-President. (Speaking of an administration lacking leadership)
Things at CTU aren't much better. Rudy, looking like he just went through a week of two-a-day's, quickly cleans himself up, all remnants of the beating magically wiped away, and gets updated on situation from Buchanan. They head to the conference room in time to hear Jack mumble into the phone, agreeing to meet Erwich's people in a parking garage. Bill is apparently calling the shots at this point as he gives Jack the okay to go undercover and meet w/ the terrorists. (When Celine objects, Bill explains his masterful plan, "Jack will figure it out, he has to". Nice) At this point Jack and Curtis have an awkward bonding moment while going over their strategy. Curtis, nervous for Jacks safety, gives him a pre-Valentines day gift. (The latest in CTU ear wear, pointing out that it even has a new battery). Jack, a little embarrassed he didn't get Curtis anything, changes the subject quickly and says he is going to" play it soft so they think I'm scared" when meeting with the terrorists, to which Curtis reply's " I've got your back". Jack, very uncomfortable at this point, thanks Curtis, who then looks deeply into Jacks eyes and says “God, I wish I knew how to quit you".
Jack is in the garage as the blue van pulls up and he watches as Johnny Damon and Jorge Posada get out. They forcefully demand that Jack to install the new chip. Chloe, back at CTU, talking in Jacks ear piece, walks him through the procedure. I'm not sure why they needed her, as the process literally consisted of " open the back, remove the old chip, clear your throat or something, throw it away, put the new chip in, close the back up again". I have a more difficult time changing the batteries in my TV remote. (It was nice to see Chloe get some camera time this week though. I've missed her beautiful, angelic face. I would much rather have seen her wrestling for coconuts on the beach with Cara, but this was better than nothing). Of course, Jack, for his troubles, gets hit over the head and thrown into the back of the van so they can take the canisters for a field test. (Jack seems excited to hear they are going to the mall so he can at least pick out something nice for Curtis). It's very funny when they put their HVAC Tech jackets on over their clothes and head into the mall. Even though they are in Southern California and its prolly 75 degrees out, it looks like the "March of the Penguins" as Jack has on more layers ( a shirt, a hoodie and two jackets) then Admiral Perry wore on his last vacation. When the surveillance cameras show them in the mall they look, well, they look like uncomfortably warm terrorists. (Btw, if you haven't seen " March of the Penguins" yet, I highly recommend it. It is hilarious. It's really funny to hear Morgan Freeman ,sounding like Red from Shawshank, narrating while the baby penguins get picked off one by one as they desperately try to reach Zihuatanejo.)
Jack, Johnny and Jorge reach the HVAC unit and after disposing of the security guard (I love Jack's wincing look whenever an innocent bystander gets killed) get ready to release the gas. Jack, after hearing the indecision back at CTU (I guess Rudy is now back in charge), refuses to give the correct arming code. Bill: "Alpha -Kilo-Charlie" Jack: "Echo -Bravo- Charlie" Bill: "Alpha-Kilo- Charlie" Jack : "Echo-Bravo- Charlie". It was like watching Tony Dungy trying to send in a play to Peyton Manning. All that was missing was Jack raising his leg up and down while changing the call. Rudy, recognizing an audible when he hears one, does his best Jack imitation, screaming “give him the correct code, NOW!". Jack, of course, does the right thing and is once again hit in the head as the terrorists figure another way to release the gas. Playing possum, he kills Johnny Damon with a scissors kick ( somewhere in Tampa, Bubba Crosby and Bernie Williams are seen high-fiving) , and manages to shut down the canister by randomly pulling a few wires. (Lesson here: It's much easier to disable nerve gas than a nuke)
Racing through the mall, Jack stops briefly at the Patek Phillippe counter and asks to see a gold watch he thinks would contrast nicely against Curtis' deep chocolate skin tones, before heading towards the food court to shut the ventilation system down before the gas can be spread. He does this in plenty of time, but still notices diners laying on the ground, with green foam coming out of their mouths. Looking up, he sees the Taco Bell sign and knows that the new "Crunch Wrap Supreme" was most likely the culprit. He rushes a little girl outside, injects her with an epipen and declares her “good to go". (Seriously, has anyone ever had one of those "Crunch Wrap Supreme" things? It looks like a big piece of matzah bread. What is the point of wrapping another shell around a taco? It's like Wendy's putting another bun around it's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger. It's ridiculous. I'd rather starve than eat at a Taco Bell)
The hour ends with Jack and Curtis following Jorge back to the warehouse. Rudy tells them to set up a perimeter, but obviously it doesn't extend far enough to see Erwich, who is across the street watching as they break in. Jorge, does the honorable thing in praise of Allah, or whoever Russian terrorists worship, (Vladislav Tretiak maybe?), and shoots himself, while all Jack can do is watch another potential torture victim fall to the wayside. DAMMITT!
10. Final random thought of the day. I hate to rain on 24 guy’s parade and maybe it’s just the flu talking but 24 has not been good this season. It may have officially jumped the shark.
Reader Email
Email #1
Prez,
Could NBC cut the sh** and just show one event from start to finish. I can't take it anymore. Are they that desperate for ratings that they have to tease you with every single friggin event that happened that day and then string you along with five minute clips of each event before the grand crescendo at the end of the night when they have the highlights of the winners. Please stop the madness, I need some finality in my Olympic viewing.
CMAC
Your first mistake is watching the Olympics.
Email #2
Dunkenstein, I'm guessing that you are not a vegetarian. Your comment that the hunter now knows what it feels like is a little hypocritical if this is so. Every time you eat meat you cause the killing of a cow, a chicken, etc. in order to feed you. Just because you didn't actually do the killing doesn't absolve you- you cause the killing, probably by decapitation. Just as a world leader who orders his men to kill someone, he didn't kill anyone, but he caused the killing. I am not a vegetarian, I don't care about killing some animals to eat, hunting or beef slaughtering, but it's hypocritical to say what you said unless you would find it fair for someone to try and cut your head off every time you ate a burger. Matt, Dallas- you are 100% on about Nova and UCONN.
If Cheney eats whatever he kills than I have no problem with it. This includes the old guy he shot. Men were designed to eat meat, but not kill animals just for the hell of it.
Email #3
Prez,
The Stool is looking sharp with its new randomthoughts format! Watching UConn drop one to Nova last night was tough; I can’t believe they hit 6 3-pointers in a row…ugh. I’m glad to be a Big East fan though, I get to see all these good teams and I feel like it gives me a real advantage when its time to pick the brackets in March. Just curious, what are your other 2 teams right now for the Final 4? Duke and West Virgina/Gonzaga?
Brian in NYC
Thanks for the kudos on the format. The reason for the switch is because it lets us put pictures in the emails now. As far as my top 4 teams I have UConn, Villanova, Memphis and Texas with West Virginia being the wildcard. I just love the way WV is set up for the tournament. I think they’re a perfect fit to make a run to the final four.
Email #4
Hey Prez -
Re: Michelle Kwan and "America's Love Affair" with her, I was joking with my wife that if there ever was a white, blond, teen-aged figure skater who was kidnapped - the whole country would literally shut down. Every man, woman and child would be required by some secret law to drop whatever they are doing and start roaming the streets calling her name out. What's up with TV telling me who I can and can't be infatuated with? And why then are they not giving Tera Patrick the air time she deserves?
Thanks,
- Andy
Who the hell is Tera Patrick? Is she in the Olympics?
Email #5
Where and when did you learn how to shovel?
DAD
I learned it from Mom when you used to sit inside complaining about your knee that you injured 20 years ago playing kickball.
Email #6
"If El Presidente has one Achilles heel it’s that I get sick at the drop of a hat. It’s like Sampson with his hair."
Huh? Dave, these two sentences don't make any sense. And you're mixing Greek mythology with the Old Testament. Please stop. -T
I’m like Don King. I can say whatever I want and make it make sense.
Email #7
Dear El Presidente,
I just love the new dandified design of RT: grey background curved at the corners with a mauve "Reader Email" bar (also curved). Don't forget our Sunday brunch at Stephanie's on Newbury!
Toodles,
Lil Jon Maldives
Do you want more pictures of ass in there or not?
Email #8
Pres-
Have you read the Page 2, Delonte West's perfect Valentines Day date thing?
Crazy. Sounds exactly like what my boy Timma from Arlington is probably doing today.
D from Canton
Here is the Delonte’s dream date. I was waiting for it to include plastic surgery to get that thing off his face.
Email #9
Hey Pres,
I see you were ripping on A-Rod again today (2/14/06) in Random Thoughts. I am a Yankees fan and have been for years and can't understand why everybody makes such a big deal about him. Sure, he's a bit strange and makes an absurd amount of money and plays for the "Evil Empire" but otherwise he seems like a pretty harmless dude. Are people in Boston just jealous that he doesn't play there or what?
Also, I've never been a big Johnny Damon fan but I guess he should help at the top of the order for the Yankees at least for a couple years. I just think it's hilarious that he ditched the Red Sox for the Yankees after he talked such a big game last summer about how he would never leave the Red Sox to play for the enemy. Oh, and one other thing, I'm so disappointed that Nomar didn't sign a deal with the Yankees this winter like I thought he would and should have. Do you think your love for Nomar would have come to an end at that point or would it have risen above your hatred for the Yankees, just curious?
Steve
To my defense I hated Arod before he became a Yankee. I think he’s a slimy used car salesman and hate him for the way he forced his way out of Texas and tried to steal Nomar’s job from under him. I hate how everything he says is bullshit. He is an absolute worm. And frankly I don’t know what I would have done if Nomar signed with the Yankees. I sort of knew it would never happen because Nomar has too much respect