Random Thoughts

Oh shit.....Oh shit.....Oh shit.....Switch!!!!

(Picture is unfortunately of a non related hazing incident)

So yesterday I wrote a quick blurb about the Curry College Lacrosse season getting canceled for hazing.  None of the articles actually mentioned what happened though.  Enter the Stool.  I asked for anybody who knew anything about what happened to come forward and I got 3 emails yesterday which all pretty much echoed the same thing so I’d be stunned if it’s not accurate.     So assuming this is true the question becomes did these guys deserve to get their season shitcanned?

Reader Email

Story 1

Prez...honored to see my team on the site. I am and a huge stool fan. I can tell you the story but believe a free t-shirt should be in the deal. With that here you go.....We arrived at "The Mansion" we were told to get into the diapers and wait for further instruction, we then went to a room and we finished 3 30's, during all of this we got pulled out of the room and were written on. After we finished the 30's, we were brought upstairs, after everyone was there we individually were brought downstairs to "walk the plank" which had razor sharp glass under the plank. We soon found out that it was just everyones favorite, Cape Cod Potato Chips. The kid who ratted out to Daddy was actually in tears when it was his turn to walk the plank and so they pulled the blindfold off just to show him. Next we had to go back to the room we started in, then individually brought upstairs to do a wiffle ball bat (The wise prez i would suspect that you know what that means but for all of you who dont, fill a wiffle ball bat with beer and chug) Then after that we had to run downstairs to play roulette, 3 cups, 2 vodka and 1 water thats it.........now a lot lead up to this pussy ass bitch being a rat and telling daddy. He didnt get to do stuff with the team and someone took his shoes which had his keys in it and he cried like a baby in his room and then called daddy who called the school, A 4th string player ended my lacrosse season, fuck that........

 Story 2

 Pres,

My girlfriend's roommate's boyfriend (true story) was on the Curry lacrosse team a few years back and we were talking about the scandal last night. He talked to a few players who are currently on the team and said there was nothing crazy, out of control hazing going on but just the jumping on glass (really Doritos) trick from Old School and a few weird drinking games. The reason this whole story was leaked was because the Seniors picked on one specific Freshman "harshly". They stole his jersey, so he couldn't play in a pre-season game, stole his cleats, pushed, punched and kicked him and that whole thing. I guess the kid finally had enough and told his parents, who then reported it to the school. Have fun with this one.

- JGTruth

Ok based on these two accounts which are almost identical it sounds like the reason the season was cancelled was because a freshman was getting picked on the entire season, cried to daddy and boom next thing you know it was sayonara 2-5 lax season.    Seems like bullshit to me.   I mean if the kid couldn’t hack it why not just quit?  Isn’t that a better option than being a puss bag about it?  I mean obviously this kid has to quit now anyway right or maybe even transfer?   So what good does this do besides making everybody hate your ass even more?     Anyway time to vote.

Vote 1 for Curry College had no choice but to cancel the season and 10 for this a bullshit move by the administration

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I was on the fence on whether to post this video until the "Oooh, Bubba put it away!" line. I just couldn't ignore something that awesome. And yes I'm totally using that for the next month whenever somebody does something good. Ooooh Bubba put it away!

- Thanks to Tim for the tip

LAKELAND, Fla. — Cito Gaston blasted the Rocket on Thursday, saying he believes an allegation that Roger Clemens played a role in his 1997 firing as Toronto Blue Jays manager. "I wouldn't doubt that," Gaston told Toronto beat writers... "He's an asshole himself, a complete asshole. I'd say that loud, right in his face. It's all about him, nobody else but him." Author Jeff Pearlman made the allegation in his new book "The Rocket That Fell to Earth".... Gaston... said Clemens worked to undermine his authority, once questioning a decision to leave Pat Hentgen in a game behind his back and in front of the team. "He wouldn't (confront me)," said Gaston, who added that he wished Clemens had come to him with the complaint. "One of us would have had an ass whuppin' that day. "It might have been me, but he still would have known I was there." Gaston later brought up the incident with his ace pitcher and said Clemens responded by saying: "'What do you want to do - about staying here or leaving?'. That's what he said, 'do you want to stay or do you want to leave?'," said Gaston. "I said, 'What do you mean, what are you talking about?' So he's a bitter old man, I don't have much to say about old Roger."

I don't know Jeff Pearlman from Jeff Probst, but is there any way this isn't going to be a great book? For some reason I just never tire of "Roger Clemens is an asshole" stories. I could read them all day long. It's like listening to U2. I still like the classic old ones but I can't wait for new stuff to come out. Every sportswriter in America should come out with a "Roger Clemens sucks" book. It should be a section at Barnes & Noble. "You're looking for 'Roger Clemens is a Big, Fat, Moneygrubbing Asswipe'? Right down this aisle, past 'Self Help' in the 'Clemens Douchebag' section just before you get to 'Travel'..." It's funny how his Boston and New York asshattery has been well documented, but we're still finding out details of what went on during his time in Toronto. Somehow during all the time Peter Gammons or Craig Mustard or a dozen others were fawning about how Roger felt disrespected by Dan Duquette and he's so proud that he took his "legendary workout regimen" to Toronto to be closer to his family in Texas, we never heard how he was going behind his manager's back to get him fired. Classic Roger. And I'm now the biggest Cito Gaston fan in Massachusetts.

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- A Kansas City mother and another woman are accused of providing alcohol to several girls during a birthday party that ended with two teens being taken to a hospital.  Prosecutors say 43-year-old Karen Christine Downs and 25-year-old Kelsee Guest are charged with first-degree child endangerment for allegedly providing liquor and beer to 13- and 14-year-old girls at a February party. Downs is accused of offering $10 to whoever could chug a glass of vodka the fastest, while Guest allegedly poured shots for the girls, prosecutors said.  Two girls who attended the party, ages 13 and 14, passed out and were taken to a hospital. One of the girls had a blood alcohol content of .218, nearly three times the legal limit, prosecutors said.  Officers said they found 60 to 70 empty beer bottles and several empty bottles of bourbon, vodka, and whiskey scattered throughout the basement of the residence.  According to the girls’ statements, Downs offered shots to the girls, but told the girls they could not tell their parents about it. When they ran out of alcohol, Guest asked the girls if they had money to buy another bottle of vodka, court documents show. Downs, Guest, and one of the girls bought more vodka, prosecutors said. One of the girls said she had beer and 9 or 10 shots of vodka.

Okay first things first.  I’m calling bullshit on the girl/narc who said she had 9 or 10 shots of vodka.     Honey if that were true you’d either be dead or have 3 dicks in you so cut the shit.   Now as far as the rest of this story goes if the mother is guilty of anything it’s just being bad party host.   Seriously how did she not invite any boys to this party? I mean what's the point of getting chicks drunk if they can't wolf down some cock? Not to mention the fact that every good parent knows that if you run out of alcohol at your kid’s birthday party you don’t ask the guests for money.  You got out and buy it yourself.    It’s not only bad party management, but it's flat out bad parenting.  So much for leading by example huh?

Reader Email

El Pres,

The Do and I were at Mohegan Sun to see Lewis Black. Two rows in front of us sat this Gem. The show was great, but I think I laughed more at this woman’s hair. Just thought I’d chime in with this one.

Smallz

Woman huh?  To quote Lee Corso…not so fast my friend.   Because I have this so called “woman” checking in as a man.   So I’ll keep this short and sweet because I’m exhausted.

Vote 1 for this hair belongs to a lady and 10 for a dude.

Philly.com - Feeding picky eaters can be a pain. Just ask Lyndel Toppin's fiancée, whose middle finger was almost chopped off when Toppin allegedly attacked her with a kitchen knife, according to Upper Darby police.The reason for the assault, cops say, was a poorly made meatball sandwich. Specifically, the cheese placement was all wrong, which infuriated Toppin. "That was the catalyst," Toppin grabbed a knife from the other room and slashed her finger, causing a deep laceration, she told police at Delaware County Memorial Hospital, where she received 23 stitches to close the gash. Also, instead of chomping on the meatball sub that she'd made him, Toppin wrapped his teeth around his girlfriend's left wrist and refused to let go, the criminal complaint says."It was a barbaric attack," Chitwood said.

With most stories like this there is usually something going on behind the scenes.   Maybe the fiancee cheated or there are some ongoing issues that we don’t know about.   But I don’t think that’s the case here.   You just can’t screw up a meatball sub and expect to get away with it.    Especially when you’re not even married yet.   I mean if this bitch is already getting lazy with her cheese placement imagine what she’ll be like in 5 years?    I don’t even want to think about it.   So this guy had no choice but to nip this in the bud.   I mean what’s the point of bitches even existing if they can’t cook, clean and fuck right?   Barbaric indeed!

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So I just got a call from MLB. I have no fucking idea how they got my cell phone number Woody. Anyway they wanted me to take down the above ad on our website which was promoting beer and sliders because it used the phrase "Opening Day" in it. Are you fucking serious? Opening Day? I mean don't they have better shit to do then worry about this? Now the guy who called me was nice enough. He said he loved the Stool, blah, blah, blah and the reason he didn't send an email or letter was because he knew he'd be killed. So for that I give him credit. But come on! "Opening Day"? Are we really talking about Opening Day? I wonder if this guy brags about his job at bars and shit? "Hey honey I bagged some blog that was using the term opening day to sell beer and burgers. Now suck my dick" Who knows? Maybe it works?

LA - A charter boat crew member choked to death after swallowing a bait fish as a joke in front of elementary schoolchildren during a field trip to the Port of Long Beach, authorities said Wednesday. Jeff Twaddle, 54, of Huntington Beach, "was trying to be lighthearted when he put this thing in his mouth" on Friday, said Long Beach Fire Department Chief Frank Hayes. "But it became an airway obstruction, and he lost consciousness and went into full cardiac arrest."

I've been struggling with this story for hours now. Not that I'm above laughing at someone else's death, mind you. The death rate is still 100% and not all of us get to check out by yelling "FreeeeDOM!" while the whole village weeps. If I meet my demise like one of the hundreds each year who get killed by having a vending machine fall on them, I fully expect people will get a good chuckle over it. But I'm not so sure Jeff Twaddle qualifies. I admit that choking on a bait fish is pretty funny, but he was doing it to make a bunch of kids laugh, not to win a bet or impress his idiot buddies in a bar. Still you've got to appreciate it for the irony. A professional fisherman choking on the very bait fish he's used to kill hundreds of fish is the stuff an ichthylogical O. Henry would've come up with. To a fish, it's probably like one of those stories you hear about a terrorist blowing himself up making bombs or something. I guess in the end this is more tragic than funny. But Twaddle didn't die in vain. A coward dies a milliong deaths, but a man who'll put a fish in his mouth to entertain a bunch of elementary school kids dies but once. Still, this is sad. If a prop comic were going to die young, why couldn't it have been Carrot Top?

Best Documentary Ever! I've been sitting on this thing since Tuesday because I figured I'd be tired from our party and would need a great time killer. And this fit the bill. Seriously I thought I died and went to heaven when I started watching this. From the opening "whoosh" on the Hurricane's voicemail to the final bell it's 100% pure adrenaline. I can't tell you how many times I've looked to find some of these quotes on youtube. So sit back and enjoy the ride.

1. "If you don't respect me and what I'm doing then you have a big dump in your pants"

2. This is for my grandfathers, my grandmothers, my father, my mother, Curly, my 3 brothers, last but not least Snubby!.......whoa, whoa whoa, 1 more...Last, but not least MEDFIELD!!!!

That speech is probably the greatest speech in the history of sports. Everything is perfect about it. The fact his face is so close the camera. The fact he gave a shout out to Curly and Snubby. The fact he ripped the microphone away from Jim Gray and gave a last shout out to Medfield. If Picasso was a boxer this is what his speech would have sounded like.

As a side note, I still remember a story from a buddy of mine who saw Hurricane Peter McNeeley a couple years after he got knocked out by a slice of pizza stuck in traffic on 128. It was the type of traffic where you go back and forth with the car next to you like 100 times. And every time they passed McNeeley he would start bobbing and weaving. He did it for like two hours straight. Whoooosh....

Denver - After weeks of contention, McJaygate ended happily, at least for Broncos officials on the top floor of Dove Valley. Denver shipped disgruntled quarterback Jay Cutler to the Chicago Bears on Thursday in a blockbuster trade, putting an end to the acrimonious saga between new coach Josh McDaniels and his unhappy quarterback. The Broncos received quarterback Kyle Orton, two first-round picks and a third-round pick in exchange for Cutler and a fifth-round pick... However, Cutler may have an issue with Bears offensive coordinator Ron Turner. Coming out of high school, Cutler thought he had a scholarship to the University of Illinois, where Turner was the head coach. Cutler has said Turner pulled the scholarship late in the recruiting process, resulting in his going to Vanderbilt. The Bears were Cutler's favorite NFL team while he was growing up in Santa Claus, Ind.

For openers, there was no reason to include that last bit about Cutler growing up as a Bears fan, other than I'm fascinated to learn there's actually a place called Santa Claus, Ind. You'd think a guy who grew up there would be jolly instead of a self-serious little pissant like Cutler. That aside, good for Josh McDaniels that he got back at Cutler by sending him to probably the worst situation in the NFL for him personally. Not only does he already have a grudge against the OC of the Bears, but he has absolutely no weapons around him. I mean, who's Chicago's best offensive player? Brandon Lloyd? The Olin Kreutz, the center? Be careful what you wish for, Jay.

But the real reason I'm blogging this is that THIS is exactly the kind of deal I expected the Patriots to get for Matt Cassel. This is, or should be, the going rate for a proven QB coming into his prime. Cutler might be a dink, but guys with his numbers don't become available every day, so when they do, you've got to pay dearly. It's a supply & demand thing. The Belichick bashers (I tip a glance at Dennis & Callahan) are using this trade as evidence that The Hooded One dropped the ball on the Cassel trade. But that presupposes one of two things. Either teams offered a deal like this to the Pats and Belichick decided he'd rather take less, or that they wanted to make a better offer than Kansas City did, but Belichick never asked them. The first scenario is ridiculous and the second is preposterous. The only explanation that makes sense is the one we've known for weeks now: The best concrete offer Belichick had was the deal he made. Tampa came in with something along the lines of "Well, if we can work out a deal with Denver they might give up the 12th pick in the draft that is if they're willing and if they're interested in Cassel blah blah blah..." and Belichick couldn't sit around waiting for all those planets to align while Cassel ate up $14 million of cap space. So he pulled the trigger on the best deal he had, period.

So the Cassel deal wasn't a failing of Belichick, it was a failing of 30 other GMs in football. How is it that Jerry Angelo would give up 2-1st and his starting QB for a moody, selfish, coach killing diva, but not for Cassel who's won the Offensive Player of the Week every 8th start in his career? If I owned the Bears, you couldn't walk in my office today from all the heads I'd be rolling.

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