NEWARK, Ohio (WSAZ) -- A man from central Ohio was cited for allegedly crashing a motorized barstool while driving drunk.It happened earlier this month in Newark. According to a news release from the Newark Police Department, a 28-year-old man was driving a motorized barstool on a public street when he somehow got into an accident. Officers say he was drunk. Police say the man claimed the barstool could reach speeds of 38 miles per hour, but that he was only going 20 miles per hour at the time of the crash.The driver was cited for operating a vehicle while intoxicated (OVI) and driving under suspension.

I’m so jealous after reading this story I can’t even tell you.    Seriously this guy totally just stole all my thunder.   I mean if anybody should have gotten arrested for driving a motorized barstool while drunk with a suspended license it should have been me.   It’s a fucking no brainer!  Can you imagine how much free publicity this would have generated for the Stool?  It probably would have been on the front page of both the Globe and Herald and maybe even Dlisted.    I can see the headline now; "Does This Look Like the Face Of the Playboy CEO of The Stool Who Got Busted For Driving A Motorized Barstool While Drunk?”   It’s so ironic that I bet the BBC would have probably picked this shit up and we would have tripled our fucking readership numbers.    But no this fool from Ohio had to go and beat me to the punch.   Fuck him.    I own the Stool not him.   Asshole.