Random Thoughts

Well in case you didn't notice Green Death was pretty much the biggest story in the universe today. It was on NBC, PTI, Fox and just about every other major news outlet in the country. And you want to know how many people credited the Stool for single handily breaking the shit out of this story?Zero. But I don't even fucking care because that's just how the Internet works. Sometimes you get credit for shit and sometimes you don't. So just buy a tshirt and we'll call it even.

Introducing Catherine from Boston.   Well it’s about time we had a knock you on your ass blond.   And to be honest she probably had a million more hot photos that I could have posted but ever since coffee gate last night I can barely see anything on my computer so it was hard to tell.  Either way this chick must get whatever she wants whenever she wants.   Not too many blonds rolling around Boston that look like this.

Do you know any blazing hot smokeshows?   Send them to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com or better yet bring them to our Cover Model of the Year Party at Liquor Store on Thursday so people can eye fuck the shit out of them out.

Click for more of Catherine

This picture is all over the web, and I'd be derelict in my duty piloting the plane while El Pres is out doing his paper route (and driving carefully we hope) if I didn't post it. So far no one knows who this is in the picture with Tim Tebow... whether it's his girlfriend or a bar employee or just some random girl who jumped in to get her picture taken with him. All we know is that she has a much better future than he does. Whoever she is she can't have read a scouting report because if she did she'd know she's wasting her talent. That he'll never make it in the pros and she's way too good for him. That the run-option offense he's been running in Gainesville won't prepare him for greatness as well as her white-bra-under-the-black-top look has prepared her.

The only question is: which girl in a photo with Tebow looks better, this chick or the one from last year. I'll concede the +1 rack on the girl below, but I think Blonde With the Key Around Her Neck has a better upside and is a stronger overall prospect. Vote "1" for Blonde and "10" for Boobs.

And I'll throw in this chick for laughs, even though she's obviously outclassed:

NY Post - ALEX Rodriguez soaked up the love in Aspen this weekend, but he didn't exactly give it back. The Yankees slugger was partying at the Caribou Club, enjoying the attention of "several cougars," a source said, when he went to the bathroom. A male source added, "When he was done, he walked out of his stall, went up to the sink, primped himself in the mirror and walked out -- without washing his hands. Nasty." A-Rod then went back to the adoration of the ladies, but left by himself.

El Pres is right. ARod is doing this stuff on purpose now. He's accepted that his negative public image is irreversible and embraced his inner a-hole and now he's just playing it up like a wrestling heel. It's the only explanation that makes sense. He's got to know that America can tolerate 'roids, choking in the clutch, cheating on your wife, the ball slap incident, soliciting prostitutes, even hooking up with a wretched penis koozie like Madonna. But a decent society will shun a guy who doesn't wash his hands after he takes a dump. It's tough enough out there without having to worry if the next door knob you pull on has ARod's fecal matter all over it. And cougars are plenty dangerous already with their menopause and Xanax addictions and herpes without wondering if ARod spread E Coli all over them too. And you have to love how he came out of the stall after wiping his ass, didn't have time to hit the soap but he was able to run his bacteria-laden fingers through his hair. Nice. To all those guys sitting in the 3rd base boxes this year, if Rodriguez tosses you a ball, just let it drop.

VANCOUVER — One morning last September, Melanie Leavey's six-year-old daughter, Savannah, insisted on wearing a Halloween cat costume instead of normal clothes.... It wasn't until February, almost six months later, that Savannah finally decided to put the cat costume to rest..."I tried all the mainstream parenting guru advice, but nothing worked," she says. So, Ms. Leavey began to practise consensual living, a set of principles designed to help family members understand each other's feelings and meet one another's needs... In the consensual living model, father doesn't know best. Neither does mom. Instead, parents and children are equal partners in family life... Founded in 2006 by a group of families in North Carolina, consensual living is gaining ground in alternative parenting communities... and they consider parenting based on punishment and reward structures to be "coercive." In contrast, "consensual" parenting is non-hierarchical... Recently, the principles of consensual living have helped her cope with her son's hitting stage, she says. When Kiernen strikes another child, Ms. Keller asks him what he's feeling and whether he'd like to express his anger or frustration in another way, such as using words or hitting a pillow...she and her husband, Josh, do not force Kiernen to say he's sorry.

As a father of two, this "consensual living" model is an answer to my prayers. Raising kids is difficult, frustrating, thankless and altogether too much responsibility for my liking. But that was under my old coercive, punishment and reward structures. All that teaching kids limits, right from wrong and holding them accountable for their actions was to blame. And it was exhausting. Now I can kick back and let my kids decide how they should live. If they want to stay up all night, play Nintendo Wii 12 hours a day and watch Spongbob the other 12, hey, that's their call. If they want to eat Frosted Flakes for dinner and wash them down with maple syrup, who am I to stand in their way? If my little one wants to wear his Halloween costume for six months or walk around bollocky, who cares about 5,000 years of human civilization? That's just mainstream parenting guru advice. Plus, keeping your kids in line and telling them what they can and cannot do takes way too much effort. From now on I'm letting them ride on the roof of the car and have real guns and stay home from school whenever they want and all those things I always said "no" to while I sit my ass on the couch and drink scotch and live the stress-free life I've always wanted. And if one of my boys "feelings" should happen to make him want to bitch slap little Kiernan Keller, I won't stand in his way. After all, I'm not part of the hierarchy any more, I'm just an equal partner.

Reader Email

El Presidente,

What's going on?  This is a clip of some guy I know from Melrose who is having a blast while mowing the lawn last week in Panama City, FL.  What do you think? Is this lame or not?  One thing I do know is that this lawn is well maintained!  Make sure you watch til the end

 New Jersey has the guidos with the tight white shirts and blow out hair cuts who love to techno dance and we got the muscle heads from Melrose with the Garnett shirt doing the lawnmower dance.  I guess it all comes out in the wash.  But you know what?  As shocking as this sounds I actually don’t mind this routine.  I mean it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever seen somebody do.   But the big question is what does this Masshole have shaved into the back of his head?    That’s the X factor. Please tell me it's his high school football number. I'm begging for it to be that.   But until I know what it is I’m afraid I’ll have to refrain from voting.

Vote 1 for Lame and 10 for not lame.    Anything over a 6 gets this guy a free shirt and yes I’ll cut off the sleeves before I send it.

Click Here For the Answer

Comcast - Word out of Waltham today is that Celtics forward Kevin Garnett will be shutdown for foreseeable future.  A date for KG returning to practice, or games for that matter, is unknown. Danny Ainge will join Michael Holley on "Celtics Now" Wednesday at 6pm to talk about the latest developments.

I've had a very bad feeling about KG's knee for a long time now. I mean did people see when he first injured this? First of all it was a non contact injury which is always the worst. But they were talking about him coming back in the 2nd half. How do you go from that to being out for like 2 months with an injury that nobody even knows what it is. So is another couple weeks really going to make that big of a difference here? Obviously something is fucked up. Yeah I still think we can defend our title without him, but it's not a guaranteed championship like it would be with him in the lineup. And the shame of it is, is that you know it's killing him on the inside unlike that fraud Andrew Bynum who isn't even really hurt and is skipping games just so he can party at the Playboy Mansion. Typical LA pussies.

(Way to rehab pussy)

So how is Shawn Johnson's year going so far? She's fast become America's favorite jailbait. She had Bruno get so Creepy Old Man on her that Tom Bergeron had to step in and remind weirdo that she's not even age of consent yet (click here for the video and go to the 1:50 mark). Oh, yeah, and she had the little matter of the stalker whom cops stopped heading toward her house with a bunch of loaded guns, duct tape and love letters. So in the midst of such a string of bad luck, it should come as no surprise that she'd find herself minding her own business, waiting to get her score while her partner, Mark Ballas would be standing behind her with a massive, raging, concealed weapon in his pants. I'd like to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and say that not even the skeeviest old man could get a boner on national TV like this. That maybe it was just the pleats in the pants and that he needs to take them back to the pants store, but I can't. That's a hard-on. I'm convinced. But I'll put it up to the Barstool forensics team. Is this an erection or an illusion? Vote "1" for "That's a wrinkle in Ballas' pants and "10" for "He's just glad to see her."

(PS. Yes, I saw this on Deadspin)

Dude, what the fuck? 24 hours ago Sarah Jean Underwood was one of the best guess that ass contestants in the history of the Stool and was putting the "S" in Slut and now look at her. She looks like my kid sister that I want to give a noogie to and I don't even have a kid sister. Fucking chicks. Such weird ass creatures. And don't give me this make up mumbo jumbo either. This transformation is a little bit more intense than simple cosmetics.

What the hell is the matter with Sean Avery? If you're going to be the most hated man in hockey, you've got to live up to it. And that means getting into a fight even when you don't want to. Even when you know you're going to end up spitting bloody chicklets afterward. Backing down from a brawl is for 50 goal scorers and Lady Byng Trophy winners, not universally reviled dicks. He had to know when he made that "sloppy seconds" crap that he was going to have to drop the stick and gloves sometimes and butter somebody's necktie. Instead he goes all passive resistance on David Clarkson like he's Gandhi or Martin Luther King. I mean, just look at that body language. It's like something out of an Animal Planet show when a babboon bows down before the alpha male of the herd and lets him take his food and bang his mate. The merciful thing for Clarkson to do would've been to kill him on the spot. It's much crueler to let Avery live with the shame of getting ragdolled like this.

So I'm supposed to be in court right now fighting a ticket but I said fuck it. The Stoolies need me to blog so I'm going to fucking blog. I don't have time for this fighting the man bullshit. At least not today. Now what this means is that I got to drive perfect for the next year or else I'm screwed. But anybody who knows anything about me knows that I drive best when my back is against the wall. I'm going to be obeying the rules of the road like you fucking read about. Speed limit is 55. Mark me down for 54. Hand signals, blinkers, windshield wipers.....you name it, I'm using it.

PS - Cue the phone call from my mother....

FREDERICK COUNTY, MD - A father in Frederick County is under arrest for allegedly threatening to burn his daughter's house down. Troopers say Michael Shoemaker broke into his daughter's home on Charles Street in Walkersville. They say his 17-year-old son was with him and stole a dog from the home. When troopers responded, they say the grandfather showed up and began threatening them. Troopers tell NBC25 the family seemed angry about the death of a baby three months ago. The state police investigated the death at the time, but have not filed any charges.

I fully appreciate the depth of the Shoemaker's profound loss, and I can see how the loss of a loved one would make Michael go all Broken Arrow here. I'm pretty certain the Kubler-Ross Seven Stages of Grief model are: Denial, Anger, Crazy Hair, Bargaining, Dognapping, Overalls, and Arson. So Grandpappy Shoemaker can get down off his high horse. Him and his expensive, fancy, city boy plaid flannel shirts. What the big deal if Michael did burn down Casa de Shoemaker? What would it cost to replace? 150 bucks, tops? I think the family should drop the charges against Michael so they can begin the healing process and he and his daughter can get down to the business of making another baby right away.

NEWARK, Ohio (WSAZ) -- A man from central Ohio was cited for allegedly crashing a motorized barstool while driving drunk.It happened earlier this month in Newark. According to a news release from the Newark Police Department, a 28-year-old man was driving a motorized barstool on a public street when he somehow got into an accident. Officers say he was drunk. Police say the man claimed the barstool could reach speeds of 38 miles per hour, but that he was only going 20 miles per hour at the time of the crash.The driver was cited for operating a vehicle while intoxicated (OVI) and driving under suspension.

I’m so jealous after reading this story I can’t even tell you.    Seriously this guy totally just stole all my thunder.   I mean if anybody should have gotten arrested for driving a motorized barstool while drunk with a suspended license it should have been me.   It’s a fucking no brainer!  Can you imagine how much free publicity this would have generated for the Stool?  It probably would have been on the front page of both the Globe and Herald and maybe even Dlisted.    I can see the headline now; "Does This Look Like the Face Of the Playboy CEO of The Stool Who Got Busted For Driving A Motorized Barstool While Drunk?”   It’s so ironic that I bet the BBC would have probably picked this shit up and we would have tripled our fucking readership numbers.    But no this fool from Ohio had to go and beat me to the punch.   Fuck him.    I own the Stool not him.   Asshole.

The inspiring thing about this 27-year-old Colombian is that she was fat when she was younger and got fucking picked on unmercifully by the other children. Let this be a lesson to overweight women everywhere: Revenge is a dish best served in a thong...

More of Ana here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com

Tonight has sucked.   It has just been one of those fucked up nights where nothing goes right.   I was getting ready to blog about how Gisele said she gave birth to Tom Brady’s baby and how she’s the real mother blah, blah, blah but I just don’t have it in me.    I’m a beaten man.   It’s 1am in the morning.   My office/apartment is a fucking mess.   I spilled an old coffee on my laptop and broke the screen a couple hours ago.   My other computer is so fucking old that it gave me a migraine headache because the words were smushed together.    I borrowed the First Lady’s computer while she was sleeping and when I turned it on I saw she just bought a ton of shit from BCBG on my credit card.   I’ve been holding in a dump for like 4 hours because all the shirt boxes make it like the Baton Death March trying to get in there.   I have to be in court tomorrow at 11am to fight a ticket so I don’t lose my license again.   The latest smokeshow is taunting me with her ass. I’m trying to launch a new website that I paid 10K for which keeps breaking.   And on top of all that I feel fat.    So sorry but I’m not going to have that Gisele blog ready for tomorrow morning.  Maybe if I decide to skip court I’ll get to it when I wake up.  But right now I’m tired and I’m going to bed despite the fact I know there are still lots of blogs to be written.   Twitter that motherfuckers