Random Thoughts
If The Stool Breaks A Story And Nobody Hears It Does It Make Any Noise?
Well in case you didn't notice Green Death was pretty much the biggest story in the universe today. It was on NBC, PTI, Fox and just about every other major news outlet in the country. And you want to know how many people credited the Stool for single handily breaking the shit out of this story?Zero. But I don't even fucking care because that's just how the Internet works. Sometimes you get credit for shit and sometimes you don't. So just buy a tshirt and we'll call it even.
Barstool Local Smokeshow of the Day (Catherine)
Introducing Catherine from Boston. Well it’s about time we had a knock you on your ass blond. And to be honest she probably had a million more hot photos that I could have posted but ever since coffee gate last night I can barely see anything on my computer so it was hard to tell. Either way this chick must get whatever she wants whenever she wants. Not too many blonds rolling around Boston that look like this.
Do you know any blazing hot smokeshows? Send them to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com or better yet bring them to our Cover Model of the Year Party at Liquor Store on Thursday so people can eye fuck the shit out of them out.
Girls in Tim Tebow Pictures: Who Ya Got?
This picture is all over the web, and I'd be derelict in my duty piloting the plane while El Pres is out doing his paper route (and driving carefully we hope) if I didn't post it. So far no one knows who this is in the picture with Tim Tebow... whether it's his girlfriend or a bar employee or just some random girl who jumped in to get her picture taken with him. All we know is that she has a much better future than he does. Whoever she is she can't have read a scouting report because if she did she'd know she's wasting her talent. That he'll never make it in the pros and she's way too good for him. That the run-option offense he's been running in Gainesville won't prepare him for greatness as well as her white-bra-under-the-black-top look has prepared her.
The only question is: which girl in a photo with Tebow looks better, this chick or the one from last year. I'll concede the +1 rack on the girl below, but I think Blonde With the Key Around Her Neck has a better upside and is a stronger overall prospect. Vote "1" for Blonde and "10" for Boobs.
And I'll throw in this chick for laughs, even though she's obviously outclassed:
ARod Gets Blown Off by a Bunch of Cougars Due to His Lack of Hygiene
NY Post - ALEX Rodriguez soaked up the love in Aspen this weekend, but he didn't exactly give it back. The Yankees slugger was partying at the Caribou Club, enjoying the attention of "several cougars," a source said, when he went to the bathroom. A male source added, "When he was done, he walked out of his stall, went up to the sink, primped himself in the mirror and walked out -- without washing his hands. Nasty." A-Rod then went back to the adoration of the ladies, but left by himself.
El Pres is right. ARod is doing this stuff on purpose now. He's accepted that 
his negative public image is irreversible and embraced his inner a-hole and now he's just playing it up like a wrestling heel. It's the only explanation that makes sense. He's got to know that America can tolerate 'roids, choking in the clutch, cheating on your wife, the ball slap incident, soliciting prostitutes, even hooking up with a wretched penis koozie like Madonna. But a decent society will shun a guy who doesn't wash his hands after he takes a dump. It's tough enough out there without having to worry if the next door knob you pull on has ARod's fecal matter all over it. And cougars are plenty dangerous already with their menopause and Xanax addictions and herpes without wondering if ARod spread E Coli all over them too. And you have to love how he came out of the stall after wiping his ass, didn't have time to hit the soap but he was able to run his bacteria-laden fingers through his hair. Nice. To all those guys sitting in the 3rd base boxes this year, if Rodriguez tosses you a ball, just let it drop.
Parents Group Promotes "Consensual Living" With Your Kids
VANCOUVER — One morning last September, Melanie Leavey's six-year-old daughter, Savannah, insisted on wearing a Halloween cat costume instead of normal clothes.... It wasn't until February, almost six months later, that Savannah finally decided to put the cat costume to rest..."I tried all the mainstream parenting guru advice, but nothing worked," she says. So, Ms. Leavey began to practise consensual living, a set of principles designed to help family members understand each other's feelings and meet one another's needs... In the consensual living model, father doesn't know best. Neither does mom. Instead, parents and children are equal partners in family life... Founded in 2006 by a group of families in North Carolina, consensual living is gaining ground in alternative parenting communities... and they consider parenting based on punishment and reward structures to be "coercive." In contrast, "consensual" parenting is non-hierarchical... Recently, the principles of consensual living have helped her cope with her son's hitting stage, she says. When Kiernen strikes another child, Ms. Keller asks him what he's feeling and whether he'd like to express his anger or frustration in another way, such as using words or hitting a pillow...she and her husband, Josh, do not force Kiernen to say he's sorry.
As a father of two, this "consensual living" model is an answer to my prayers. Raising kids is difficult, frustrating, thankless and altogether too much responsibility for my liking. But that was under my old coercive, punishment and reward structures. All that teaching kids limits, right from wrong and holding them accountable for their actions was to blame. And it was exhausting. Now I can kick back and let my kids decide how they should live. If they want to stay up all night, play Nintendo Wii 12 hours a day and watch Spongbob the other 12, hey, that's their call. If they want to eat Frosted Flakes for dinner and wash them down with maple syrup, who am I to stand in their way? If my little one wants to wear his Halloween costume for six months or walk around bollocky, who cares about 5,000 years of human civilization? That's just mainstream parenting guru advice. Plus, keeping your kids in line and telling them what they can and cannot do takes way too much effort. From now on I'm letting them ride on the roof of the car and have real guns and stay home from school whenever they want and all those things I always said "no" to while I sit my ass on the couch and drink scotch and live the stress-free life I've always wanted. And if one of my boys "feelings" should happen to make him want to bitch slap little Kiernan Keller, I won't stand in his way. After all, I'm not part of the hierarchy any more, I'm just an equal partner.
Reader Email – Is This Masshole On Spring Break Lame?
Reader Email
El Presidente,
What's going on? This is a clip of some guy I know from Melrose who is having a blast while mowing the lawn last week in Panama City, FL. What do you think? Is this lame or not? One thing I do know is that this lawn is well maintained! Make sure you watch til the end
New Jersey has the guidos with the tight white shirts and blow out hair cuts who love to techno dance and we got the muscle heads from Melrose with the Garnett shirt doing the lawnmower dance. I guess it all comes out in the wash. But you know what? As shocking as this sounds I actually don’t mind this routine. I mean it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever seen somebody do. But the big question is what does this Masshole have shaved into the back of his head? That’s the X factor. Please tell me it's his high school football number. I'm begging for it to be that. But until I know what it is I’m afraid I’ll have to refrain from voting.
Vote 1 for Lame and 10 for not lame. Anything over a 6 gets this guy a free shirt and yes I’ll cut off the sleeves before I send it.
Breaking News: "KG Shut Down For Forseeable Future"
Comcast - Word out of Waltham today is that Celtics forward Kevin Garnett will be shutdown for foreseeable future. A date for KG returning to practice, or games for that matter, is unknown. Danny Ainge will join Michael Holley on "Celtics Now" Wednesday at 6pm to talk about the latest developments.
I've had a very bad feeling about KG's knee for a long time now. I mean did people see when he first injured this? First of all it was a non contact injury which is always the worst. But they were talking about him coming back in the 2nd half. How do you go from that to being out for like 2 months with an injury that nobody even knows what it is. So is another couple weeks really going to make that big of a difference here? Obviously something is fucked up. Yeah I still think we can defend our title without him, but it's not a guaranteed championship like it would be with him in the lineup. And the shame of it is, is that you know it's killing him on the inside unlike that fraud Andrew Bynum who isn't even really hurt and is skipping games just so he can party at the Playboy Mansion. Typical LA pussies.
(Way to rehab pussy)
Did Shawn Johnson's DWTS Partner Have a Boner?
So how is Shawn Johnson's year going so far? She's fast become America's favorite jailbait. She had Bruno get so Creepy Old Man on her that Tom 
Bergeron had to step in and remind weirdo that she's not even age of consent yet (click here for the video and go to the 1:50 mark). Oh, yeah, and she had the little matter of the stalker whom cops stopped heading toward her house with a bunch of loaded guns, duct tape and love letters. So in the midst of such a string of bad luck, it should come as no surprise that she'd find herself minding her own business, waiting to get her score while her partner, Mark Ballas would be standing behind her with a massive, raging, concealed weapon in his pants. I'd like to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and say that not even the skeeviest old man could get a boner on national TV like this. That maybe it was just the pleats in the pants and that he needs to take them back to the pants store, but I can't. That's a hard-on. I'm convinced. But I'll put it up to the Barstool forensics team. Is this an erection or an illusion? Vote "1" for "That's a wrinkle in Ballas' pants and "10" for "He's just glad to see her."
(PS. Yes, I saw this on Deadspin)
What Happened To Sarah Jean Underwood?
Dude, what the fuck? 24 hours ago Sarah Jean Underwood was one of the best guess that ass contestants in the history of the Stool and was putting the "S" in Slut and now look at her. She looks like my kid sister that I want to give a noogie to and I don't even have a kid sister. Fucking chicks. Such weird ass creatures. And don't give me this make up mumbo jumbo either. This transformation is a little bit more intense than simple cosmetics.
Sean Avery Gets Ragdolled After Refusing to Fight
What the hell is the matter with Sean Avery? If you're going to be the most hated man in hockey, you've got to live up to it. And that means getting into a fight even when you don't want to. Even when you know you're going to end up spitting bloody chicklets afterward. Backing down from a brawl is for 50 goal scorers and Lady Byng Trophy winners, not universally reviled dicks. He had to know when he made that "sloppy seconds" crap that he was going to have to drop the stick and gloves sometimes and butter somebody's necktie. Instead he goes all passive resistance on David Clarkson like he's Gandhi or Martin Luther King. I mean, just look at that body language. It's like something out of an Animal Planet show when a babboon bows down before the alpha male of the herd and lets him take his food and bang his mate. The merciful thing for Clarkson to do would've been to kill him on the spot. It's much crueler to let Avery live with the shame of getting ragdolled like this.
That's Avery doing his job. Gets under the skin of teams, and opposing players pay more attention to him than the game. We did a thing on it on Loge19.com. He's good at what he does I guess....
I like the term dish-ragged better.
3-0 5 mins left in game, no need to get in fight and give NJ a boost.
Needs a little background here. Either way its kind of pussy by both of them. Guy doesn't want to fight you don't go tugging him around. Avery needs to have a good reason not to fight. If you are a tough guy you can't just shrug it off.
He is not the same player he was last year or even earlier this year...he is better...and thats because he doesnt act like a jack-ass anymore...still gets calls against him though, he got a 2 minute minor for that
That reason might be that the NHL has him on a tight leash after his Elisha Cuthbert rant.
Maybe Avery deserves credit for not getting into a fight here considering he has been given a second chance at the NHL by NY. I say good for him for not brawling here given that a fight could only really hurt the team at that point in the game
How can he rag-doll?!
Actually, I think he got shamWow'ed.
Hate him or love him, Avery is extremely effective for the Rags. Because of that, Clarkson received a roughing double-minor and a 10 min. misconduct with 10 min left in the game, leaving the Devils a man short for the rest of the game. Avery saved the Rags season.
I don't blame him for not fighting here. The was no reason and the magnifying glass he is under, I'm sure he's on thin ice! yuk yuk yuk
He bitched out. He has fought a handful of times this year and if you're going to play like he does he needs to drop the mits when challenged. Don't give me any of this shit that it could have sparked NJ, there was like 5 minutes left and it was 3-0. Game was over. Again, if you play like him and yap your mouth then you have to back it up. Like i said, he's already fought a number of times this year, so it's not like he won't do it. And there is no rule that you can't fight in the NHL so Gary Betman can't do shit to him.
Lucky el pres skipped court, look at all these blogs he has gotten done! Awesome!
— Steiny, Mar 31 2009, 12:15 pm
You cannot fight with less than 5 minutes to go in a game. Automatic 1 game suspension.
haha ... that mexican Chav got banned again didnt he?
douche bag
Well Jerry, if you had watched the game you would have known that Clarkson got a 5 minute game misconduct and Avery only got a 2 minute minor. Seems to me he was helping his team win, which is the point of hockey. The fact that Avery got anything for that is ludicrous in and of itself. Regardless, he didn't want to fight and it was bush league what Clarkson did. He should have let him go- fights in hockey are supposed to be consensual.
Yeah, he's on a short leash and the front office has most likely told him to be a better citizen.
On the other hand, he may feel like "why give the fans - and hence the league - what they want." "They were pissed at me for what I said so if they want the good school-boy, then they will get it."
If that was a Bill Belichick coached player it would have been a brilliant move I bet, how he took one for the team and blah blah blah...
Avery didn't fight Clarkson because he got his ass beat by him last year. Well that and Avery is a ball-less d-bag.
— BrianBellows, Mar 31 2009, 12:20 pm
Kiddie Fucker
you're the best bellows
Hopefully Lucic will do the same thing to him this Saturday.
Avery is a bitch, he plays a chippy game then backs down when someone stands up to him. I hope Chara levels him this weekend.
reminds me of the monopoly guy getting flapped around in Ace Ventura...do not pass go.. do not collect 200 dollars!
suck my titz
The fact that Avery got anything for that is ludicrous in and of itself. Regardless, he didn't want to fight and it was bush league what Clarkson did. He should have let him go- fights in hockey are supposed to be consensual.
— justintuckrule, Mar 31 2009, 12:23 pm
He removed his glove which i think calls for an automatic penalty.
Agreed with the consensual fighting though.
Bellows, eat my balls you fucking titfucker.
Yeah. He did not shake off his glove without the intentions of getting a cheap one in. Once he knew he was overpowered, he elected to puss out and pretend that he wanted no part of it a la Claude Lemieux.
He removed his glove which i think calls for an automatic penalty
— delos17, Mar 31 2009, 1:02 pm
Actually, there is no penalty for fighting unless both gloves are dropped. Pretty common tactic to bait other players into dropping their gloves and getting a power play. A vagina move, but effective nonetheless. This is why he is universally despised
Many people say we need NHL fans even if they have a terrible hockey IQ...I disagree when I go to a Bruins game most of the fans have no idea what they are talking about and its sad.
Avery is a agitator. His job is to make the other team focus on him and lose sight of the more important aspects of the game. Sometimes the better move is to hold onto your gloves and get thrown around. Especially when your up 3-0 and you have nothing to gain by fighting. I dislike Avery and the Rangers but if you have the balls to go out there and get thrown on your head so your power play has a chance to put the nail in the coffin, more power to you.
Oh and if you heard the Rangers fans when Avery got out of the box, its obvious that they understand.
I think it's safe to say that the fans bostonbruin is describing (the fans have no idea what they are talking about and its sad), is a pretty good example of what Jerry Thornton is. Idiot. Obviously there was a reason he wasn't fighting, and, seeing as he is known as a pretty smart/clever player, you'd have to assume the reason wasn't because he's a pussy. I lost a lot of respect for you after reading this, Jerry. I figured you'd know better.
I understand you're trying to just bash other Eastern Conference teams in the name of the Bruins, but if you're going to be tounge-in-cheek, you should try to be a bit more obvious about it.
Because you sound like an idiot.
There's no reason for him to fight Clarkson there with a three-goal lead. Look at what the Devils were talking about after the game, it was Avery, Avery, Avery. He's in their head, has been since last year when they took runs at him for the entire 5-game series while Scott Gomez was carrying the puck through the neutral zone.
They can't ignore him, and THAT'S his job. He did it well last night.
despite the fact that avery's role is to be an agitator, jerry is right. the guy deserves to get his fashion loving douche face knocked in. it may be strategy, but you would never see the B's steep to that bull. and bostonbruin, every time i have gone to a Bruins game this year (which is double digits) i have never run into a fan that just casually went to the game and doesnt have a 'hockey iq'. may be different for every other team in new england, but not when the ice is out at the garden.
Rasheedrancher- While he may deserve to get his face knocked in, that doesn't change the fact that he made the right decision not to fight, in the context of the game. Rsjem said it well.
Avery is a punk, undoubtedly. He did the right thing in this situation. He played his role. Lucic owes Avery one after that low blow back in Oct-Nov. He get his chance this weekend for sure.
And another thing. I love how so many people were talking shit on the NHL at the begining of the season and now these chumps (Thorton and El Pres) are typing like they know something about hockey. Let the Admiral speak for you. Or, at the very least, run your asinine ideas by him first. So Fuck you!!!
you're the best bellows
— f youk, Mar 31 2009, 12:32 pm
hahaha nuff said
kiiiid - There is no automatic suspension for fighting the last 5 mins of the game, the only way that happens is if the player gets an instigator penalty in that time period, but were talking about Avery here,who clearly wasnt at risk of getting an instigator, Clarkson did in fact get a misconduct for instigating. Aside from that there was something like 9 mins left when it happened anyways. Also I understand Avery's role as an agitator and how not fighting there is consistant with that role, and he played very effectively last night, but anybody saying that Avery not fighting there led to the Rangers win and prevented a Devils comeback is delusional. It would not have hurt the Ranger's a single bit for Avery to drop the gloves there, even if he lost the fight. The score was 3-0 with 9 mins to play and the Devils hadn't done shit all night. Not to mention losing Avery for 5 mins isn't exactly like losing Chara for 5 mins, hes not THAT intergral to the Rangers success. He just ended up looking soft and if anything is going to hurt his effectiveness from here on out.
— BigTomCallahan, Mar 31 2009, 2:28 pm
First of all, great name, love the movie. Second, Avery is under a microscope and he's not going to fight at will. You're right about the time on the clock, I thought there were 3 minutes left. I would not say that Avery fighting here prevented the Devs from a comeback, but it gets them more focused on Avery than the task at hand. 3 goals in 10 minutes can be accomplished. I don't think that this incident will hurt his effectivness from here on out, he is constantly running his mouth and I bet this scenario happens a few more times this year.
Answer one question: how would Avery dropping the gloves there have helped the Rangers in any way?
There's 9 minutes left in a game they've dominated from the opening faceoff, and the Devils are talking to themselves and are fixated on Avery.
Maybe Clarkson drops him there in the fight and the Devils can at least take some satisfaction out of the night. This way, they're left with nothing.
You're a fucking superstar.
Avery is a weasel dick, but he is NOT afraid to fight. The kid can go, and David CLARKSON IS IN HIS LEAGUE/WEIGHT CLASS. AVERY DID EXACTLY WHAT HE WANTED TO DO THERE...FIRE UP THE DEV'S AND GET THEM OFF THEIR GAME. THAT'S HIS JOB...BUT HES NOT AFRAID, the kid'll go with pretty much anyone
Dude's got 10 points in 13 games since comin' back... he's def. trying to reinvent himself a little bit as a passer/skater... gotta respect that... he'll be back up to his nasty shit before too long.
anyone who actually knows anything about/watches hockey knows that this is what avery does. he is a pest, not a goon. there is a difference. he did exactly what he gets paid to do, really.
thank you luap, he does it to draw penalties, and has been doing it his entire career, once again we see the how fake all the hockey fans are in boston. Go back to baseball pussies, and stay out of the real sports like football and hockey.
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Fuck Court
So I'm supposed to be in court right now fighting a ticket but I said fuck it. The Stoolies need me to blog so I'm going to fucking blog. I don't have time for this fighting the man bullshit. At least not today. Now what this means is that I got to drive perfect for the next year or else I'm screwed. But anybody who knows anything about me knows that I drive best when my back is against the wall. I'm going to be obeying the rules of the road like you fucking read about. Speed limit is 55. Mark me down for 54. Hand signals, blinkers, windshield wipers.....you name it, I'm using it.
PS - Cue the phone call from my mother....
Do These Look Like the Faces of a Father - Son Team That Got Arrested for Dognapping, Threat of Arson and Disorderly Conduct?
FREDERICK COUNTY, MD - A father in Frederick County is under arrest for allegedly threatening to burn his daughter's house down. Troopers say Michael Shoemaker broke into his daughter's home on Charles Street in Walkersville. They say his 17-year-old son was with him and stole a dog from the home. When troopers responded, they say the grandfather showed up and began threatening them. Troopers tell NBC25 the family seemed angry about the death of a baby three months ago. The state police investigated the death at the time, but have not filed any charges.
I fully appreciate the depth of the Shoemaker's profound loss, and I can see how the loss of a loved one would make Michael go all Broken Arrow here. I'm pretty certain the Kubler-Ross Seven Stages of Grief model are: Denial, Anger, Crazy Hair, Bargaining, Dognapping, Overalls, and Arson. So Grandpappy Shoemaker can get down off his high horse. Him and his expensive, fancy, city boy plaid flannel shirts. What the big deal if Michael did burn down Casa de Shoemaker? What would it cost to replace? 150 bucks, tops? I think the family should drop the charges against Michael so they can begin the healing process and he and his daughter can get down to the business of making another baby right away.
Dude Gets Hit With OVI After Crashing Motorized Barstool
NEWARK, Ohio (WSAZ) -- A man from central Ohio was cited for allegedly crashing a motorized barstool while driving drunk.It happened earlier this month in Newark. According to a news release from the Newark Police Department, a 28-year-old man was driving a motorized barstool on a public street when he somehow got into an accident. Officers say he was drunk. Police say the man claimed the barstool could reach speeds of 38 miles per hour, but that he was only going 20 miles per hour at the time of the crash.The driver was cited for operating a vehicle while intoxicated (OVI) and driving under suspension.
I’m so jealous after reading this story I can’t even tell you. Seriously this guy totally just stole all my thunder. I mean if anybody should have gotten arrested for driving a motorized barstool while drunk with a suspended license it should have been me. It’s a fucking no brainer! Can you imagine how much free publicity this would have generated for the Stool? It probably would have been on the front page of both the Globe and Herald and maybe even Dlisted. I can see the headline now; "Does This Look Like the Face Of the Playboy CEO of The Stool Who Got Busted For Driving A Motorized Barstool While Drunk?” It’s so ironic that I bet the BBC would have probably picked this shit up and we would have tripled our fucking readership numbers. But no this fool from Ohio had to go and beat me to the punch. Fuck him. I own the Stool not him. Asshole.
Wake Up with Ana Sofia Henao
The inspiring thing about this 27-year-old Colombian is that she was fat when she was younger and got fucking picked on unmercifully by the other children. Let this be a lesson to overweight women everywhere: Revenge is a dish best served in a thong...
Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com
Tonight Has Kicked My Ass
Tonight has sucked. It has just been one of those fucked up nights where nothing goes right. I was getting ready to blog about how Gisele said she gave birth to Tom Brady’s baby and how she’s the real mother blah, blah, blah but I just don’t have it in me. I’m a beaten man. It’s 1am in the morning. My office/apartment is a fucking mess. I spilled an old coffee on my laptop and broke the screen a couple hours ago. My other computer is so fucking old that it gave me a migraine headache because the words were smushed together. I borrowed the First Lady’s computer while she was sleeping and when I turned it on I saw she just bought a ton of shit from BCBG on my credit card. I’ve been holding in a dump for like 4 hours because all the shirt boxes make it like the Baton Death March trying to get in there. I have to be in court tomorrow at 11am to fight a ticket so I don’t lose my license again. The latest smokeshow is taunting me with her ass. I’m trying to launch a new website that I paid 10K for which keeps breaking. And on top of all that I feel fat. So sorry but I’m not going to have that Gisele blog ready for tomorrow morning. Maybe if I decide to skip court I’ll get to it when I wake up. But right now I’m tired and I’m going to bed despite the fact I know there are still lots of blogs to be written. Twitter that motherfuckers
go intern for vogue.