Random Thoughts

Amen my Indian brothes. Afuckingmen....

Okay I was 2-2 yesterday, but in real life I was 0-3 in classic El Pres gambling style.   I went to the games and was too busy drinking and somehow missed the Purdue/Uconn tip.  So I decided I’d wait till half time of both of the first games to place my bets.   I took Purdue 2^nd half line.   (blowout loser) and I took the over in Xavier vs. Pitt (Xavier scored 18 points in the 2^nd half)   Then after I lost both those games I did an if win bet with the Over in Villanova and Villanova because I only had a dime left in my account.   Long story short I was 0-3 even though I was 2-2 in the games I liked at the start of the night.   Vintage bad gambling and the reason that no matter what I do or how hot I am, I’ll always be a born loser    Most people are probably shaking their heads right now thinking I’m beyond nuts, but a few degenerates out there are probably giving me a slow clap.   And the best part is that everybody else I went to the game with swept the board as I was sitting there miserable as I can be rooting for points.   Anyway onto the pics for tonight…I’m retired again but I hope you win so you can buy some tshirts and help me pay the man.

Kansas vs. MSU -1

I almost like this pick as much as I did Villanova last night.   I have Kansas as my sleeper pick to win the whole thing and now that Memphis is gone they have as good a shot as anybody in my opinion.   Don’t get me wrong Michigan State is a good team but I just don’t see the Jayhawks losing here.

The pick – Kansas

Arizona vs. Louisville -9.5

Arizona beat Cleveland State so they must be legit.

The Pick – Arizona

Syracuse vs. Oklahoma -1

Now ordinarily I’d say Syracuse is a layup here.  But I saw how OU cheated against Michigan.  I saw how the refs called a charge on Manny Harris for breathing while at the same time letting Blake Griffin body slam people in the paint without a call.    So I’m a little nervous that this is an inside job for the Sooners.  But having said that I’m still going with the ever stylish Gerry McNamara and the Cuse.

The Pick – Syracuse

Gonzaga vs. NC -8.5

Duke looked good last night huh?  Seriously how pathetic is the ACC?  Just like I’ve been saying from Day 1 the conference is filled with teams that are soft, dimwitted and weak like the Ukraine.   North Carolina is probably a bubble team if they play in the Big East.  Sure they may sneak by Gonzaga here, but it will be a battle the whole way.   

The Pic - Zags

For anybody in the Brighton area we have a Meet the Model promo tonight at the Kells from 10-12pm. Meet/stalk the following two former Barstool Cover Girls. This weeks cover girl was supposed to be there too but she bailed this morning at 11am. No big deal. Not like we advertised it for 2 weeks or nothing. Got to fucking love hot chicks who live on planet Zutron. People think dealing with smokeshows is easy. Think again.

Cynthia

Shannon

PORTSMOUTH — Police arrested a city woman on a charge of indecent exposure alleging she was collecting dog feces while naked from the waist down. Susan Bell, 42, of 76 Manor Drive, was arrested Thursday after turning herself in on a warrant for the misdemeanor charge, said Police Sgt. Darrin Sargent. The charge alleges that on Feb. 28 at 6:20 a.m., Bell was pantless while picking up dog feces in a Manor Drive courtyard. Following her arrest, Bell was released on her own recognizance and she has not yet been scheduled for an arraignment.

Listen I want to defend this lady I really do. I mean I have no problem if somebody wants to walk pantless through a park.   And I have no problem if somebody wants to collect dog shit.  This is still America right? But when you combine the two activities that’s when you run into trouble.  It’s kind of like separation of church and state in that regard.   And let me say this much.    There is no fucking way in hell this lady should have been released on her own recognizance.   Because if I know anything about ugly pantless dog shit collectors, it’s that you don’t want them roaming free in society.  Not even in New Hampshire.

MLB.com - Eri Yoshida, a 17-year-old with a wicked sidearm knuckleball, took her 5-foot, 114-pound frame to the mound to become Japan's first female professional pitcher... The result? Not too bad. Yoshida walked the first batter on four straight pitches, then gave up a stolen base, but struck out the next batter swinging before being taken out... "I wasn't thinking about anything other than just going out there and giving it my all," Yoshida, who emulates Red Sox knuckleballer Tim Wakefield, was quoted as saying by AP.

If you know me, you know that my whole life is focused on the pursuit of equality. Well, drunkness, celebrity nudity and equality, in that order. One of the things I love most about sports is that they give everyone the opportunity to be whatever they choose, from a 7 foot tall Chinese center to a half Black golfer to a Navajo leadoff hitter to whatever Johnny Damon is. Sports are the great equalizer. That said, I'm not ready for Eri Yoshida. I'm not saying I could never accept a woman in men's sports. I can definitely see the day when we'd have a female field goal kicker, say. Or a woman golfer doing better on the men's tour than Annika Sorrenstam. My town high school hockey team won the state championship with a girl in net. And a knuckleballer is not out of the realm. But not this chick. Making it in pro baseball is tough enough without having to face the indignity of being struck out by a 17 year old girl. I can't imagine what life will be like for this poor bastard after being rung up by some anime-watching Shibuya girl with a plaid skirt and a Hello Kitty backpack. I'd be shocked if this guy doesn't commit Hari Kari before the first pitch tonight.

Reader Email

Listen "I Luv Vag" as much as the next guy.  But it's my experience that this is a slogan  you probably don't want to put on your license plate or wear tshirts with .   Bitches are prudes like that.  You got to wine and dine em first before you start hinting that you want to stick you dick in their vag.  Yes, even on spring break.   Buy them a drink, get them shitfaced before you start getting all sappy with the I heart vag stuff.    It’s "vag" courtship 101.   So having said that I gave this license plate a 3.

Click Here For the Answer

Reader Email

Well hello,

You feature smoking hot girls every addition, but what about a good looking girl with an opinion? - A real opinion. I've always been every guy's wing woman, and every girl's go-to friend for blatantly honest advice (sometimes well received, sometimes not) - I think it'd be interesting and amusing (not to mention, potentially helpful to some of your slightly lady-clueless male readers)to get some of your stories from a girl's perspective.

A friend of mine and I were just tossing around an idea today about how amazing some of the things guys say to women on a first date are. She recently went on a  date with a guy 5 years older than her who told her over dinner that "she was a baby, and babies couldn't have sex." He ended the date with, "so can I come in?" -- REALLY?

Regardless, I could review , I could rant, I could just cover some typical female myths in general. (Which reminds me -- we can play sports, chug beer, watch porn and name all the members of the Boston Bruins -- and we take home DUDES from bars too!)

 You could put me in lingerie and stick me in a centerfold -Whatever - Honestly, I just think it's a common misconception that women can't be smart (clever) and sexy at the same time - Why not feature a young professional as well as a bartender? Just because we're in the working world doesn't mean we don't party to the point of black out mistakes.

Come September, I'm going to be wasting another two years of my life at grad school. I just want to have a little fun before then. Seems like Barstool might be a good place for me.

Bottom line, what I'm looking for is just to toss around some ideas. Couldn't hurt, right? Everyone's a little messed up in their own ways from sex, to dating, or just plain social awkwardness. I think maybe I could add something to the dynamic.

Thanks for getting back to me, and I hope to hear from you

Catyn

Okay as far as the paper goes we already have the immortal Kati Cawley doing From Her Perspective so we're all set there. But a dream of mine since I started Barstool Sports has always been to find a young chick blogger who fits in at the Stool.  A girl who is funny, hot and willing to fuck on command.     However, I’ve come to believe that this is a pipe dream.  That no such girl like this exists in the world.   But having said that I kind of liked Catyn’s introductory email here.  Now I’m still not convinced a chick blogger could every really work for us, but I guess only time will tell.   So what do people think?  Should we give her a chance?   Feel free to put anything you want her to talk about in the comment section. 

PS - Test #1 will be seeing if she freaks the fuck out when she reads the comment section and realizes what she got herself into.

I know everybody is going to make fun of these crazy hippies, but I kind of feel their pain. Because this is exactly what I was doing when Obama bumped American Idol on Tuesday Night.

Reader Email

Check this out.  It's an email we just got from Jessica's soccer coach.  Never met the guy but it's created a big uproar in the Scituate Rec Program.  Sounds like he'll be banned from coaching after the emergency Rec Dept. meeting that's scheduled for tonight.  It's actually pretty funny..................but probably something you shouldn't send to the parents of 7year old girls you've never met before.....

Coaches Email

Congratulations on being selected for Team 7 (forest green shirts) of the Scituate Soccer Club!  My name is Michael and I have been fortunate enough to be selected to coach what I know will be a wonderful group of young ladies.  Chris Mac will also be coaching and I expect the ever popular Terry to return to the sidelines.  Our first game will be Saturday April 4 at 10:00AM.  There will be a half hour of skills followed by a 1 hour game, so total time will be 1.5 hours.  All games will be played on the fields in the front of the High School.  Each player will be required to wear shin guards and cleats are recommended but not required.  A ball will be provided to each player at the first meeting, and each player should bring the ball to games and practices.  There is no set practice time allotted for the U8 teams, but I will convene with the coaches to determine the best time and place.  If there are cancellations due to rain, all notices will be posted via the Scituate Soccer Club website, no calls will be made (though I will try to send an email).  Attached is the Schedule and Code of Conduct.  After listening to the head of the referees drone on for about 30 minutes on the dangers of jewelry (time which I will never get back), no player will be allowed to play with pierced ears, hairclips, etc.   We used to tape the earings, but that practice is no longer acceptable.  Please let me know if your child has any health issues that I need to be aware of.  My home phone is 781 XXX XXXX, my cell number is 781 XXX XXXX, and I check my email frequently.  According to my wife, my emails get too wordy, so for those of you read too slowly, are easily offended, or are too busy, you can stop here.  For the others……

OK, here’s the real deal:  Team 7 will be called Green Death.  We will only acknowledge “Team 7” for scheduling and disciplinary purposes.  Green Death has had a long and colorful history, and I fully expect every player and parent to be on board with the team.  This is not a team, but a family (some say cult), that you belong to forever.  We play fair at all times, but we play tough and physical soccer.  We have some returning players who know the deal; for the others, I only expect 110% at every game and practice.  We do not cater to superstars, but prefer the gritty determination of journeymen who bring their lunch pail to work every week, chase every ball and dig in corners like a Michael Vick pit bull.   Unless there is an issue concerning the health of my players or inside info on the opposition, you probably don’t need to talk to me.  Coach MacDonald has been designated “good guy” this year.

Some say soccer at this age is about fun and I completely agree.  However, I believe winning is fun and losing is for losers.  Ergo, we will strive for the “W” in each game.  While we may not win every game (excuse me, I just got a little nauseated) I expect us to fight for every loose ball and play every shift as if it were the finals of the World Cup.  While I spent a good Saturday morning listening to the legal liability BS, which included a 30 minute dissertation on how we need to baby the kids and especially the refs, I was disgusted.  The kids will run, they will fall, get bumps, bruises and even bleed a little.  Big deal, it’s good for them (but I do hope the other team is the one bleeding).  If the refs can’t handle a little criticism, then they should turn in their whistle.  The sooner they figure out how to make a decision and live with the consequences the better.  My heckling of the refs is actually helping them develop as people.  The political correctness police are not welcome on my sidelines.  America’s youth is becoming fat, lazy and non-competitive because competition is viewed as “bad”.  I argue that competition is good and is important to the evolution of our species and our survival in what has become an increasingly competitive global economy and dangerous world.  Second place trophies are nothing to be proud of as they serve only as a reminder that you missed your goal; their only useful purpose is as an inspiration to do that next set of reps.  Do you go to a job interview and not care about winning?  Don’t animals eat what they kill (and yes, someone actually kills the meat we eat too – it isn’t grown in plastic wrap)?  And speaking of meat, I expect that the ladies be put on a diet of fish, undercooked red meat and lots of veggies.  No junk food.  Protein shakes are encouraged, and while blood doping and HGH use is frowned upon, there is no testing policy. And at the risk of stating the obvious, blue slushies are for winners.

These are my views and not necessarily the views of the league (but they should be).  I recognize that my school of thought may be an ideological shift from conventional norms.  But it is imperative that we all fight the good fight, get involved now and resist the urge to become sweat-xedo-wearing yuppies who sit on the sidelines in their LL Bean chairs sipping mocha-latte-half-caf-chinos while discussing reality TV and home decorating with other feeble-minded folks.  I want to hear cheering, I want to hear encouragement, I want to get the team pumped up at each and every game and know they are playing for something.

Lastly, we are all cognizant of the soft bigotry that expects women and especially little girls, to be dainty and submissive; I wholeheartedly reject such drivel.  My overarching goal is develop ladies who are confident and fearless, who will stand up for their beliefs and challenge the status quo.  Girls who will kick ass and take names on the field, off the field and throughout their lives.  I want these girls to be winners in the game of life.   Who’s with me?

Go Green Death!

Ok so here is the question. If you have a 7 year old daughter would you want her to play for Green Death? For me this is an absolute no brainer. Of course I would. I mean how could you not jump at the chance for your kid to become a part of the long and storied history of this Green Death? Because make no mistake about it. This isn't just girls under 8 youth soccer we're talking about here. This is about teaching life lessons. This is about building character. This is about family. And most importantly this about winning. And nobody wins more often than Green Death. Just a bunch of journeyman 7 year old girls who have bounced around the league coming together to build a dynasty. It's beautiful to watch really. And if the yuppies in Scituate Rec Program don't like it then find a team that can beat them on the field and prove this guys methods are wrong. But until then shut up. Because winning is fun. Losing is for losers.

Time to vote...Vote 1 for you'd ask for the coach to get fired if your daughter got picked for Green Death and 10 for you'd make your daughter wear only green for the entire season everywhere she went

Sweden - A teacher in Kungsbacka in western Sweden has been indicted on charges of sexual harassment after allegedly sending nude photos and trying to seduce a 16-year-old pupil. Evidence... includes photos of the woman in sexually provocative poses, which she allegedly sent to the boy's mobile phone, as well as logs of internet chat conversations between the teacher and her pupil, reports the Göteborgs Tidning (GT) newspaper... [T]he newspaper also publishes internet chat conversations that show the teacher asking the boy if he prefers "toilet sex or sofa sex". When asked by the boy whether she had ever experienced sex on asphalt, she replied in the affirmative but added that it was "damn hard on my back and knees".

We truly are becoming a Global Village. And it's heartwarming to sex-crazed teachers seducing their pupils become an international language. The Swedes give us socialism and the Bikini team and we give them sexting and Teacher Sex Scandals. They give us ABBA, we give them back "Mamma Mia." It's a beautiful thing, really. Though the oceans are wide and the mountains divide, it's a small world after all. One thing though. I'm all for the free exchange of naked cell phone pictures, and I don't want to come across as a xenophobe. But what exactly is this business of "toilet sex or sofa sex"? As much as I like to celebrate diversity, somehow I don't see teacher/student blumpkins making it big on this side of the pond. I'm guessing that particular part of the Scandanavian culture won't have any more impact in the US than the metric system, subcompact cars or Ingmar Bergman movies.

The Grades:
Looks: Incomplete. Though her ass looks like it if it were any bigger it'd have it's own post office.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: There's dirty chat room talk. There's naked sexting photos. Then there's dirty chat room talk and naked sexting photos in a country where the newpapers have no restrictions on publishing all of the above. If the Swedes keep this up, I'm afraid some debauched American teachers will be out a job. Grade: A.
Intangibles: It takes a special kind of horny to have sex in a Scandanavian parking lot. Grade: A.
Overall: Incomplete. Sorry, looks are everything. But we'll fill the grade in as soon as we get a face shot.
Have information about a hot female teacher having sex with her students? Or maybe one that's not so attractive but has sex with them in a funny way? Send it to jerry@barstoolsports.com

SARASOTA COUNTY, FL -- Sarasota County Deputies have arrested a woman who videotaped herself having sex with two dogs. Deputies say Caroline Willette videotaped herself having sex with two dogs and watching child pornography with a friend. The 53-year-old gave a CD with the images to an acquaintance, who turned it over to police. Willette is in Sarasota County Jail and is charged with three counts of possessing child porn. Willette admitted to detectives that she had sex with the animals in her home and watched young girls perform sex acts on the Internet.

Improbably, Caroline Willette found the one activity in the world that's actually more depraved than having sex with animals: Child porn. Kiddie porn is so reprehensible that even the most hardcore fan of sex with animals can point to it and say "Hey, at least I'm not as sick as those sonsofbitches! My sex was between consenting mamals..." I don't know for sure, but I'm fairly certain guys who are in jail for raping collies are higher on prison hierarchy than the kiddie porn guys. But what do you do with Caroline Willette? Here's a woman who's hit the Pervert Superfecta: Pedophilia, Porn, Orgies and Bestiality. I mean, what could be worse? Sex with puppies? Doing The Eiffel Tower with dogs under 21 (that's 3 in dog years)? Pulling a London Bridge with a dog and a cat? Reptiles? Birds? Amphibians? The mind reels at the possiblities. But I'm going to try not to let it destroy my faith in hideously ugly pedophile dog rapists from Florida.

Thank God this story finally got to the part where the critter got killed in the parking lot. Prior to that, the whole thing sounded like the men of America's great Southwest had gone soft on us. "Striking the bobcat with her car and getting out to investigate"? The critter "acted 'aggressive'" outside a Pizza Hut? "It forced many patrons up on their barstools"? Is that how they roll now? Dancing on top of chairs like the mom in a cartoon getting spooked by a mouse? In the state that gave us bone fide tough guys like Cochise, Geronimo, Tedy Bruschi and Kerri Strug? Hell, John McCain is an Arizona man and he stared down the turnkeys at the Hanoi Hilton for five friggin' years. I don't know much about history, but I'm pretty sure Arizonans dug the Grand Canyon with just their bare hands. I once spent a couple of days in Zona on a trip across country, and the guys I met would've killed Bobcat Goldthwaithe just on general principle for "Police Academy 4." Or the Charlotte Bobcats just for being ugly. It's a sad day indeed that a glorified housecat made the once proud people of Arizona pee their pants like they were at some Dim Sum bar in Brookline instead of just getting the damned thing drunk, killing and eating it like God intended.

UB has received a lot of requests for Ashton Von as well as "I Love Renee"... Turns out they were the same chick...Cue the Duckboats...

Check out the Internet model here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com