Random Thoughts

2005 (Kim)

2006 (Laura Lee)

2007 Whitney

Our 4^th annual Cover Model of the Year Party is rapidly approaching.   It is Thursday April 2^nd  (one week from today) at Liquor Store.    Party starts at 9pm.   We had a great turnout last year so hopefully we’ll have another good one for this year.  RSVP to covermodelparty@barstoolsports.com to get in.   As a reminder we vote live for the 2008 Cover Model of the Year winner who receives $1,000 bucks cash.  

Introducing Christy.  A Bright Knight and proud St. A’s alum.  It’s about time we had a potato sack girl around here.   But Christy totally fits the bill.  Hot, Cute….just want to stick her in a potato sack bag and marry the shit out her.

Do you know any smokeshows?  Stop being selfish and send them our way at randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com.   And ladies don’t be afraid to submit yourself either if you think you're a smokeshow.  Embrace the hotness.  Don’t run from it.

Click for more of Christy

I would have said it was impossible if I didn't see it with my own two eyes, but somehow and against all odds Jimmy Fallon made playing Beer Pong with Anna Kournikova the most boring segment in the history of TV. I mean if you can't make this work then what chance do you have with anything else? To his defense, Tom Werner probably loved it though.

Well you’d have to be an absolute fool to still doubt me after the scintillating performance I put in during the first two rounds of the tournament.  I told people all year that I own college basketball and I proved it last weekend with a 14-6 record.     That’s 70% for those keeping score at home.     And now if it’s possible I love tonight’s matchups even more than I liked my previous 14 winners.  So please I’m begging you as a friend to put all your faith in me and bet your life savings on these games.   It’s like robbing a bank except there is no risk.  It’s that easy.

Purdue vs. UConn -6.5

While the ACC has turned out to be the most pompous overrated conference in the country the Big 10 turned out to be the most underappreciated, underrated, blue collar conference in the country.   The Boilers always seems to play well in the tournament and are never an easy out even when they lose.  They just are the type of team that is almost impossible to blowout.   Uconn has played great so far but this will be their toughest test by a mile.  No way the ghost of Brian Cardinal lets his team lose by more than 7.

The Pick – Purdue

Xavier vs. Pitt -6.5

Pitt has obviously looked the most vulnerable of all the #1 seeds so far.  But a win is a win is a win.  I expect more of the same tonight as they struggle all game but find a way to pull out the victory at the end.

The Pick – Xavier

Missouri vs. Memphis -4.5

As I said from day 1 I’m picking Memphis to win and cover every single game of the tournament.  What type of man would I be if I went back on my word now?

The Pick - Memphis

Villanova vs Duke -2.5

I have absolutely no idea how Duke is favored in this game.  If the Blue Devils played in the Big East they probably wouldn’t have even made the tournament.   Villanova is better at every single position on the court.  Plus the only way to really beat Villanova is if you have a good physical big man.  Obviously Duke doesn’t have one of those because you can get away with playing like pussies in the ACC.   This is just classic East Coast Strength vs. Southern Slavery.  And just like how the North won the Civil War Villanova will win tonight and it may not even be close.

The Pick - Villanova

The Globe - March Madness is coming tonight to Boston, where some of the most closely watched and fiercely fought games of the NCAA men's tournament will be played before 19,000 crazed fans at TD Banknorth Garden. But what is Boston's response to the Sweet Sixteen frenzy? So far, a big yawn. One of the biggest sporting events of the year... appears to be having the same impact on the city as a dentist convention, offering further proof that Boston is a pro-sports city that only occasionally flirts with the college game. "What? What tournament?" said the sales clerk at a downtown Foot Locker, dressed like a referee... Of two dozen people interviewed... [o]nly two could name just one team that is playing, and only one person named all four teams... Even Mayor Thomas M. Menino... couldn't name all four teams. "I know Duke is coming," Menino said. "And Villanova. . . . You caught me off guard."..."I don't think people watch those games much," said Oscar Amarante, a 26-year-old flight attendant.

Give the Globe credit for one thing. They might be a dinosaur. They might be on the verge of bankruptcy. But one thing the Globe has always had a genius for is coming up with some preposterous sociological thesis and then scouring the city until they find two dozen nitwits who support their premise. Bromance. Coed bachelor parties. No one cares about the East Regionals. How long did the Globe reporter have to traipse through the mall before they found a guy who said he didn't know about the tournament? And he's dressed like a referee! Therefore their point is proven. It's science. Never mind that scalpers all up and down Causeway St. will be raking in 100 bucks above face value tonight and the Garden will be banged out. That doesn't prove anything. Because when a shoe salesman, an inarticulate buffoon of a mayor and a 26 year old flight attendant say they don't care, then no one cares.

So how much do we care? Vote "10" for "I'm more excited than Dickie V" or "1" for "I'm with Al Bundy, Mumbles and the stewardess guy."

Denver - Jordan Eisenberg says he knows a thing or two about dealing with the volatile emotions of premenstrual syndrome. After all, he grew up around women. A year ago, the 28-year-old entrepreneur and Denver resident decided to devise a way other men could do the same. The outcome was PMSbuddy.com, a free Internet-based service that tracks the monthly cycles of a subscriber's significant other and offers e-mail reminders about the impending deadlines. And it's catching on: The site surpassed 150,000 registered users last month. Ten percent are women. Not to rest on his laurels, Eisenberg recently added a phone application — PMS Buddy iPhone — for 99 cents. There were 1,000 downloads the first day.

"We don't intend to be taken too seriously," Eisenberg said. "People think it's funny, interesting, helpful . . . maybe a combination." Some aren't so light-hearted, claiming the site is an adversary to understanding the problems women face, perpetuating stereotypes of women suffering from PMS. "I feel it just reinforces this thing that women are driven by their hormones," said Joanne Belknap , a professor of sociology at the University of Colorado at Boulder. "Men also have hormonal cycles. . . . We just aren't as preoccupied with them."

You've got to hand it to Jordan Eisenberg. This is a clever idea. Granted it's not Stink-Free Underwear or a ringtone that makes boobs grow, but it's good. Eisenberg claims his wife wasn't the inspiration for the PMS Buddy, but I'm not buying it. They say necessity is the mother of invention and I'm guessing Mrs. Eisenberg went on a hormonal rampage one time and him with a lamp or something, the way Doc Brown took a blow to the head and came up with the Flux Capacitor. I mean, usually when someone comes up with a great invention like this, I kick myself for not thinking of it first, but not this one. Fortunately, I have no PMS issues in my life, since My Sweet Irish Rose goes from a typical state of Kind & Lovable to a pre-menstrual Radiant & Adorable. A husband who's inspired to come up a brilliant idea like a PMS Emergency Broadcast System has to be married to a raging bitch. It's the only explanation.

The biggest surprise in this story is that a sociology professor fails to see the humor in it. Female academicians are famous for their sense of humor, especially when it comes to having a laugh at women's expense. I don't know, maybe she was just on the cotton when they interviewed her.

WESTPORT — A Westport car dealer arrested last November for allegedly groping and propositioning his female customers is being held without bail following new charges of sexual misconduct. A fourth woman came forward this week alleging that Valerio Demelo, 55, groped her and threatened to repossess her vehicle if she told anybody about it, police said. Demelo, 55, a Fairhaven man who owns Val's Auto at 757 State Road in Westport, was arrested Tuesday by Westport police. Police were already investigating Demelo after receiving information that he recently sent an employee to speak with a woman who had told police several months ago that Demelo offered her cash in exchange for sex. Majewski said the employee approached the woman and offered to forgive a car loan in exchange for not testifying against Demelo in court. Demelo was first arrested Nov. 6, 2008, after he turned himself in to Fall River police on a warrant charging him with two counts of indecent assault and battery and two counts of offering to engage in sex for a fee. Earlier that week, two women told police Demelo had groped them several times and propositioned them for sex. The first victim alleged Demelo had touched her at least six times over the course of several months when she went to the business to make car payments. She said he placed his hand inside her shirt and slapped her buttocks. She also alleged Demelo offered to waive her payments in exchange for sex and threatened to repossess the car if she did not comply. The second woman said Demelo, who was also her landlord, had made inappropriate comments about her body, slapped her buttocks on multiple occasions, tried kissing her and once offered her money for sex. In December, a third customer came forward and told police that Demelo had groped her, made sexual comments and repossessed her car when she told him nothing would happen between them.

The first victim alleged that Demlo had touched her at least six times over the course of several months when she went to the business to make car payments?    Umm who the fuck pays for shit in person like this?  Seriously what happened to mailing checks or paying your bills online?   I mean if a bitch shows up at Barstool World HQ’s to buy a different t-shirt every two weeks you better believe I’m going to grope the shit out of her.  I mean why else would she keep showing up unless she wants a piece of the Prez?   So I don’t blame poor Val here.   This chick was obviously sending him mixed signals.    And as far as all the other allegations go I never understand why stuff like this is a crime anyway.  It’s not like Val Demelo raped these chicks.   They all owed him money and he offered to reduce their debt in exchange for sex?    What’s wrong with that?   It’s called free trade where I come from.

Vs.

Vs.

So this is what those motherfuckers were doing yesterday when my website broke.  No wonder it took 3 hours to fix.   They’re too busy fucking raging at pool parties.  Seriously I thought the Hardrock Pool in Vegas was a good time.   That shit doesn’t have anything on these bitches.    I mean this is how you throw a fucking pool party!  Shirts on, dudes dancing with each other, bitches dyking out. It’s almost enough to make me wish I was born Indian.   Anyway time to vote on which is the best of the bunch.   I’m going with the IT party.   That was just 100% pure adrenaline.  

PS – What was up with the sneaky hot white chick in the 2^nd video?  Where’d she come from? 

- thanks to sam for the tip

Boston.com - A school administrator wants to set the record straight: There are no vampires at Boston Latin.  The headmaster of the prestigious exam school took the unusual step today of sending a notice to faculty, students, and parents saying that "rumors involving 'vampires'" had begun spreading through the building Wednesday, causing disruption and anxiety for a number of students. "At no time was anyone's safety in jeopardy," she said. Officer Eddy Chrispin, a Boston Police spokesman, said police went to the school Wednesday after hearing that some students were spreading rumors there were vampires in the school. "I'm not sure whether [the supposed vampires] were among the student body or whether they were inhabiting the old corners and crevices of the building," he said. "We did go over there and speak to some of the students and quelled the rumors that were going and kind of told them the effect those rumors could have on the rest of the student population," he said.

You know I want to believe the school here when they say there are no vampires at Boston Latin.  I really do.  But then why send out the note?  Why bring in the cops?   It’s my experience with these things that where there is smoke there is usually fire.   So if I was a parent I’d pull my kid out of school so fast it would make your head spin.  I mean how do we know the school administrator who wrote this letter isn’t the head vampire and this is just some elaborate vampire scheme?   I mean give me a break.  You’re going to have to wake up a lot earlier in the morning to trick me into letting my kid bitten by a vampire.  It's just not going to happen on my watch.

Louisiana - Another DeSoto Parish educator has been arrested. This time, the teacher, Cindy Marlene Wyatt Cobbs, 30, was charged with drug possession and providing liquor to minors at her Grand Cane home, where weekend parties involving juveniles were commonplace, DeSoto investigators said... A former North DeSoto Parish High School teacher was arrested March 3 in Mansfield and charged with computer-aided solicitation of a minor for allegedly participating in inappropriate communications with a 16-year-old student via a cell phone. Jada Hendrix, 23, of Shreveport, was charged a week later by Shreveport police with molestation of a juvenile for allegedly having sexual relations with the teen... She remains in jail without bond on charges of possession of Ecstasy, possession of marijuana, possession of methamphetamine, possession of drug paraphernalia, contributing to the delinquency of a juvenile, unlawful purchase of alcohol under 21 and keeping a disorderly place.

I can honestly say this is the first time I've heard of someone getting criminally charged with "keeping a disorderly place." Good for you, Louisiana! As one of the world's most outspoken opponents of clutter, I applaud your efforts to keep things tidy. In Bayou country you can drink in the streets, solicit hookers, flash your boobs, bang your 16 year old students and ply them with booze, weed, Ecstacy and meth, but if your house gets disorderly, you'll run afoul of the law and it's off to the Stoney Lonesome with you. Now the streets of the Big Easy will be safe at last. Anyway, is it me or does Cindy Marlene Wyatt Cobbs look less like she'd be packing crystal meth than any woman on Earth? She looks like a younger version of the teacher that told Ralphie Parker he'd shoot his eye out. Still, since she didn't actually have sex with any of the kids, she's the Louisiana Teacher of the Year just by default. (thanks to Robert from Many, LA for the link)

Click For Answer

SALEM, N.H. -- It appears that shrimp was his weakness.  Police in Salem, N.H., say a man wanted for crimes in two states was identified as a suspect in the disappearance of frozen shrimp from the same supermarket four times this month valued at over $500. On Monday, managers at the Market Basket confronted John Silvera, 46, of Methuen, Mass., telling police he was attempting to take more shrimp and that he pushed a manager to try to get away. Police took Silvera into custody. He was arrested on charges of shoplifting, simple assault and being a fugitive from justice. Silvera was arraigned and held on $100,000 bail. Police say Silvera was wanted in Oklahoma on a charge of drug trafficking and in Massachusetts on a larceny charge.

This dude stole 500 bucks worth of frozen shrimp in one month?   Are you shitting me? That’s a fucking ton of shrimp.   How do even steal that much?The people at Market Basket must have been asleep at the switch or something?    Do you think he was eating it all himself or selling it on the shrimp black market or something? He had to be selling it right? I mean  no man can eat that much frozen shrimp.  Not even God himself could do that.

At the owners meeting, the NFL has adopted a bunch of rules changes designed to reduce the risk of injury. Rules to prevent guys from hitting receivers with their shoulders or forearms, rules to create a quarterback "strike zone", rules that even limit the wedge to a maximum of two players, effectively banning the long kick return. Don't be surprised if any day now they announce they'll require D-linemen to count "3 Mississippi" before they pass rush and they've outlawed the tackle. Well Rodney Harrison for one will have none of it. From SI.com (click here for the audio link) :

NFL safety Rodney Harrison is not happy with the NFL's new rules. Here are some of his comments: It's crazy. You've been taught since you were six and seven years old to finish the play... Football is supposed to be a man's sport... The game is going to slow down and it's going to get softer... It's like patty-cake right now. ..Harrison doesn't think that Tom Brady thought Bernard Pollard put a dirty hit on him. I feel like Tom is a second-effort guy, Harrison said. He's a guy who doesn't give up on plays... Harrison said he couldn't change the way he played. Harrison said he had been taught that way and doing it forever.

Rodney Harrison might very well be the most misunderstood athlete of our times. To the 30 NFL cities where he hasn't played, he's a cheap-shotting head hunter with $400,000 in fines over his career. But if you've had him on your team, you know him as a thoughtful, articulate, Jack Bauer-tough, throwback player. One of the few guys around who could've played with Otto Graham or Chuck Bednarik or Jack Lambert or today. Notice there's not one word in those quotes about "How are we supposed to play defense?" No bitching. No whining. Just an old school purist who likes football not as a contact sport, but as a collision sport saying he hates to see his sport heading toward the day when they hand out little belts with flags velcroed to them. In "Patton" there's a scene where a German officer assigned to study Patton calls him "the perfect anachronism." That's Rodney Harrison. A leather helmet guy stuck who's not happy to find himself in the National Touch Football League.

Anybody who reads the Stool knows one of my favorite things in the world is watching people faint.   I literally can’t get enough of it.  So this video is an instant classic for me. My only regret is that I picked the wrong person to go down.  I would have bet my ass it was going to be the fat guy. Oh well live and learn I guess. Anyway per usual with fainting videos there is some great post faint reaction here.   I mean the fat dude looked like he was two seconds away from just leaving that chick lying there in the sand and what about the studio host lady?   Can you be more petrified?  I thought she was going to start bawling or something.  Seriously she may be scarred for life by this.  Ah, nothing beats fainting.    Puts a smile on my face every time.    Click here for some of the best faint jobs on the web.    

PS - If you don't laugh out loud when the studio host says "I hope Nikki is doing alright" as the camera simultaneously pans to her lying face first in the sand then you have no soul.

Thanks to Andy for the tip

Normally waking up With Ase Wang would require a trip to the emergency room, but the Thai actress/model and Olivia Munn look-a-like was actually a request UB received yesterday from Barstool's own Pete Manzo. As everyone at the Stool knows when Pete says, "jump" you say, "how fucking high?" So here's one for the Scooter...

More Wang here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com