Random Thoughts
TV Station Calls Someone Way Too Early in the Morning
As far as I'm concerned, prior to say, 10 AM, the only Phrase That Pays does have the word "fuck" in it.
Spring Break Classic: The 2006 Lani Kai Booty Shake Contest
(Video ends after 3 minutes)
Well in the long and storied history of March Madness, only a handful of events have earned the right to be called "Classics". Duke/Kentucky 1992, UCLA/Princeton 1996, Vermont/Syracuse 2005, and the Lani Kai "Booty Shake" Contest from Fort Myers Beach, Florida 2006. Just tons of talent up and down the picnic table. A 16 can beat a 1, a 15 can beat a 2. There's so many hot asses shaking at once you have to watch it 35 times just to catch everything. Hey, that's why they it a "Classic". Also, check out the chick at the 2:29 mark. She's playing chess while the rest of the girls are playing checkers.
-thanks to mrgreenthumb for tip
Does This Look Like The Face of A Teacher Who Would Get Busted Beating Off In His Clasroom At 8am?
Nola.com - A teacher at a Marrero high school has been arrested after authorities say he was caught masturbating in a classroom by students and another teacher Wednesday. He was suspended without pay. Lehrman is an English teacher at L.W. Higgins High School on Lapalco Boulevard, said Beth Branley, a spokeswoman for the Jefferson Parish public school district. According to an arrest report, three students and a substitute teacher saw Lehrman masturbating in his classroom Wednesday about 8 a.m. When Lehrman was questioned by deputies, he admitted exposing himself, but said he was applying lotion because of a medical condition, according to a news release from the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office. He then admitted that he masturbated, according to the arrest report. Lehrman has no prior criminal record, according to authorities. Parent Roy Ashworth, who was waiting to pick up his son, said he might consider home schooling his teenager next year.
First of all the parents here can calm the fuck down. A teacher gets busted for beating off and suddenly you want to home school your kid now? That seems rational huh? Anyway I kind of feel bad for this guy. Because a little known fact about me is that I was an education major in college. Yup I did a semester of student teaching at some high school in Michigan and there were so many chicks running around waving their asses in my grill mix that I almost had no choice but to beat off right in their face. Luckily I was able to wait until I got home, but just barely. That’s when I decided education wasn’t for me and entered the world of smut peddling. So long story short I feel this guy’s pain. Sometimes you just got to let off a little steam. If he could have only held out a little longer he would have been home free. After all 8am is almost the end of the school day right? Wait a minute! 8am! This dude was beating off at 8am? Dude,everybody knows you beat off when you wake up! That's just jack off 101 right there. Sorry, but no excuse for getting busted that early in the morning. No excuse whatsoever.
March Madness "I'm So Fucking Hot I'll Be Drinking Cristal At The Place Today" Mortal Locks
(We will sort of be live blogging from The Place today. No promises on how much, but I'm bringing my laptop to keep all you miserable fucks stuck at work somewhat entertained)
So I was 6-1 yesterday. Not surprisingly all the losers who base their entire lives around ripping me a new asshole when I miss a game were nowhere to be found. Funny how that works huh? Bottom line is I told everybody I was going to dominate this tournament and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Nobody knows more about college hoops than me and once again I’m proving it. The only disappointing thing was that we didn’t have a shitload of shirt orders yesterday. Apparently people wanted me to go a perfect 7-0. I guess I can’t blame them. Anyway here are four more locked and loaded winners for today as I sit back and enjoy the festivities at The Place.
North Dakota State vs. Kansas -9.5
This is North Dakota State’s first time in the Big Dance. I watched their conference championship game which they won like 23-21. You better be able to score vs. the big boys and I don’t think these guys can. Plus Kansas is an absolute team to watch in my brackets. In fact, I have them going all the way to the Final Four for a rematch vs. Memphis.
The Pick – Kansas
Utah State Vs. Marquette – 5
I don’t care what you say about Marquette. They suck without Dominque James. Utah State is no fluke job. Not only do they cover this game they outright the Golden Eagles.
The Pick – Utah State
BC vs. USC -2
As much as the Superfans probably don’t want to hear this I love them today. It always amazes me that people fall into the same trap every year with conference tournament winners like USC. Teams that sucked the entire regular season but then get hot for 3 games against teams that aren’t trying and suddenly everybody thinks they are great and will do well in the tournament. It NEVER works that way. Just ask Mississippi State who got their dick kicked in yesterday by Washington. USC will revert back to the crappy team they were all season and BC should roll.
The Pick – Superfans
Cleveland State Vs. Wake Forest -7.5
Cleveland State has been a team I’ve been keep my eye on for the past month. And even before the brackets came out I knew I was going to pick them no matter what. Mark my words they are going to be the darling of this tournament. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that they not only win this game but they get to at least the Sweet 16 and maybe even the Great 8. This team has been very good all year. They beat Syracuse at Syracuse. They beat Butler at Butler for the conference championship and they should have beaten them the game before as well. If you like money and betting games where the spread is never in doubt then this is the game for you. It’s what we refer to here around the Stool as a “tshirt game”
The Pick – Cleveland State
Great 8 is the Phantom Gourmet's shtick.
Congrats on picking 6 out of 7 on day 1.
I hope you are still hot, because you just broke my heart by picking those games that way. Much rather have you reverse them all, would feel more comfortable.
The Pick – Superfans
— elpresidente, 11:37 am
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
check that. minus kansas actually. surprised the line is only 9.5.
does anybody know of a good website to drop money on games?
I am one of the miserable fucks stuck at work
I use mysportsbook.com. They do a good amount of promos and cashing out is easy and very fast compared to others ive tried.
Same here Pokey, anyone else just stuck counting the minutes (seconds?) until the first tip-off like me?
solid 6 for 7 first day almost as good as my 15 for 16 in the bracket... little aggressive going with a very young Kansas team i like Bill Self and Sharon Collins don't know if they have enough to take them to the Final 4... i think they win today in a close one
Go heavy on the Siena Saints tonight. They are getting 2.5 right now. Big 10 teams are garbage.
NO_BUNTING, do you want to tell us about your fantasy football team's roster while your at it?
ep, love that you love Kansas.
no way even you can cool them.
kballs, my thoughts exactly. nothing worse than that fucking drivel.
permalink - i used to use sportsinteraction.com don't know if they are still around
Some of the haters aren't hiding EP. You could go 55-1 and my opinion would not change. You know little if anything about sports,your hypocritical, a pathetic whiner and you are the biggest bandwagon fan in the world. example, Multiple Rear Admiral blogs when the Bruins won 20 out of 23 but for the last 8 weeks nothing.
First Lady save yourself now !!
going 6-1 in the first round of the tourney isnt that hard.
Courtsdad, why don't you create your own blog and then you can blog someone that cares.
that Kansas line seems like a trap. Big time B12 program vs 1st ever and its only -9.5? NDSt can score, they shoot the 3 at 41% on the year which is the great equalizer. I smell a backdoor cover.
and Pres I like you staying away from the overs!! under or pass!
perm- I use betjamaica. Its basic but works fine. Cutting it a little close though huh? Might not be able to get up and running for the first couple sessions today.
I picked USC, not based all on logic. hope thats your one miss today. Anyone have this?
OH and do people really get today off?
For the record, I think it's hysterical that prez has had his eye on Cleveland State "for a month"...considering that they wouldn't have sniffed an at-large bid if Butler hadn't yawned their way through the Horizon league title game and still almost beat them. Wake has more basketball talent on it's soccer team than Cleveland State does on it's basketball team. Wake BIG...
El Prez, you need to hire an intern to research all your Locks, Super Locks, Mortal Locks, The No Way I'm Losing This Lock, etc.. to find out what your betting record truly is in the past year. I would be curious to see those results.
El Pres if you are going to be at The Place all day for the party then who is going to be blogging??
I hope it isnt Manzo.
At least we have the tournament today to keep us busy while at work.
Ahh Cristal at the Place....look out for this guy. Sound like a tool Prez, but congrats on your picks.
But be a man and drink some Bud heavy's at the Foxy
With his "sportsbook" he would be able to easily look up how hes done in the past year, its a nice setup over there i use it too. Probably be easier than going over every one hes posted
cue the bud heavy comments
Bruschi-
I used to take the Thurs and Fri off every year like clockwork. It was more of a given than the day after Thanksgiving. But these days I'd be watching Bob The Builder all day if i took it off. In 10 years I'll be pulling my sons out of school for these two days every year. Father Of The Year in training!!!
Good work Pres I am glad I posted a few of the same picks earlier in the morning. Two picks we won't have to worry about your mush is Utah State and BC because they are both winners. Good move man.
Boston_George,
There are other places to watch the games than your living room. You could still take the days off and find a local watering hole. You will still get my vote for father of the year if you keep your kids home in 10 yrs!
"I'm bringing my laptop to keep all you miserable fucks stuck at work somewhat entertained"
classic.
I've been to the place. You'll be lucky if you're drinking Crstyal Light, but you sure as fuck won't be drinking Cristal there
for those who, like me, are behind the "new movie" ball--forgetting sarah marshall is fucking hilarious.
now...let the games begin!! san fransisco @ austin has no chance vs cuse
"Teams that sucked the entire regular season but then get hot for 3 games against teams that aren’t trying and suddenly everybody thinks they are great and will do well in the tournament. It NEVER works that way."
Which is why I don't trust your picks, EP. You're the USC of mushes.
I am also a miserable fuck stuck at work, however, I do believe a beer lunch is in order.
"Some of the haters aren't hiding EP. You could go 55-1 and my opinion would not change. You know little if anything about sports,your hypocritical, a pathetic whiner and you are the biggest bandwagon fan in the world. example, Multiple Rear Admiral blogs when the Bruins won 20 out of 23 but for the last 8 weeks nothing.
First Lady save yourself now !!
— Courtsdad, Mar 20 2009, 11:56 am
Court - Agreed that the rearad blogs have been scarce, but your timing is bad...There was one earlier today.
It actually makes sense, like callign out for St. Pattys except work (depending on who may not realize the reason, or care.
At least I get to leave early today.
FUCK BC.
Even the President went 11 for 16... and he has the skills of a special olympian, apparently...
I just realized that is your grill on the picture. Hilarious.
the madess love fsu -3 come check out my write up http://www.ctsportspicks.com
How were you 6-1? You picked Akron and VCU and they were wrong. Thats 2 losses last I checked
they both covered the spread thats how
2-0 bitches...8-1 in tourney
nice work- NDS nearly had that backdoor cover. you win.
maybe the mush is gone!!
nacho is your computer class in the lab over?
i gotta say EP, I'm impressed. Thanks for blessing the Eagles.
You piece of Shit ElPres!!!
I wonder why Utah St. was playing so fucking shitty today, other than the stifling "D" I knew there had to be another reason for their demise and lo and behold, EL PRES PICKED THEM TO WIN!! FUCK YOU!!!!
USC had a half a team because of injuries all year. They had 7 games played with everyone healthy. 7-0. Looking forward to the healthy cornholin' tonight.
2-0?....you certainly made it sound like you took the ML with utah state
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Grading the Newest Sex Scandal Teacher
Florida - Another South Bay physical education teacher was arrested on suspicion of having an inappropriate relationship with a student — the third in two weeks. Megan Sainsbury, 31, a teacher and former coach at Prospect High School in Saratoga, was arrested Wednesday on three misdemeanor counts of "annoying or molesting" a 17-year-old student, according to court documents.... They allegedly exchanged text messages of a romantic nature. Sainsbury bought the teen gifts, including a cell phone, to entice the girl to continue their relationship, a Santa Clara County sheriff's report contended.
She is the third female physical education teacher arrested in the past two weeks on suspicion of having an inappropriate relationship with female students... "You probably noticed that several teachers have been arrested on these types of charges lately,'' said Santa Clara County Supervising Deputy District Attorney Mike Fletcher, head of the sexual assault team. "But teachers are no more likely than doctors, lawyers or newspaper reporters to commit these crimes. Sex crimes affect a wide cross-section of demographics. I think it's just a fluke.''
OK, everybody. We can all drop the shock and surprise and dismay at this stunning turn of events. Megan Sainsbury is a Florida gym teacher. There's a greater chance she'll be going down on one of her students than there is that I'll get hammered at the Barstool March Madness party. Santa Clara County Supervising Deputy District Attorney Mike Fletcher (I'd like to see his business card) can take this "teachers are no more likely..." business and stick a sock in it. I've been studying Sex Scandal Teachers for far too long for him to convince me that teachers are no more likely than doctors, lawyers, jockeys, Jiffy Lube oil changers or smutty sports bloggers to diddle teenagers. OK, I'll concede Catholic priests.
The Grades:
Looks: Eesh. Ed Begley, Jr. Grade: D-.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: "Annoying or molesting" isn't going to get it done. Not in Florida. It just sounds too misdemeanory. That standard might work in Mass, but Megan is like a pretty good high school football player who moves down to FLA and finds she can't compete with the big dogs. Grade: D.
Intangibles: We're one more of these things away from having a big road sign that says "South Bay: Home of the Molesting Lesbian Phys Ed Teacher Welcomes You." Grade: C-.
Overall: D. (Thanks to mbreyer for the link)
Have information about a hot female teacher having sex with her students? Or maybe one that's maybe not so attractive but has sex with them in a funny way? Send it to jerry@barstoolsports.com
Bruins Hit Snooze Button in 3rd, Hand 3-2 Win to Kings
Awful. That's the one word that comes to mind after watching the Bruins' utter collapse at home to the LA Kings last night. Heading into the 3rd up 2-0 after goals from Matt Hunwick and Mark Recchi and 22 saves from Tim Thomas, the Bs just flat out shit the bed in the game's last 15 minutes and lost 3-2 in OT. If not for the point the NHL awards for reaching OT, this shitshow would be the worst loss of the season.
The wheels started falling off when Michal Handzus notched a power play goal halfway through the 3rd then the Kings knotted it when rookie stud defenseman Drew Doughty knocked home a loose puck in the goal mouth past a hung-out-to-dry Thomas. There's no real mystery why the (fading?) Wales leaders got upended by the young, talented, but likely-playoff-spectator Kings---they once again stopped skating and stopped hustling once they got what they perceive to be a comfortable lead. And the hungry team, which hasn't been too relevant since #99 left town, pounced on the soft and complacent home squad that's looking more and more like a recently-tranquilized grizzly than then growling beast seen in pre-game introductions.
Their once double digit lead in the conference is down to four points over the D.C. Caps (Caps have one game in hand). However, their Adams Division lead is still a nearly insurmountable 18 points so a top-three seed is a virtual guarantee (Bs/Habs in first round again, anyone? Certainly looking more like a possibility than a month ago). That said, nothing much they have done since the All-Star break has inspired any confidence in their fandom. Blown leads, lack of hustle, and lack of grit sum up their shitty showings for the last month or so. Heavy criticism for a still-in-first squad? Maybe so, but certainly warranted given their recent funk.
Well, they've got 10 more games to recapture the form that saw them go from 40 to 1 longshots to one of the favorites at 4 to 1. Did they go into a subconscious mental break, knowing they have home ice for at least the first two rounds? Are they trying to play it safe and stay healthy and rested for the real games that commence in mid-April? Or were they just playing out of their heads for the first half of the season, dickteasing their fans yet again, and setting the stage for another golf outing on the morning of the Kentucky Derby? We'll find out over the days and weeks ahead. But it certainly isn't going to get any easier. Next up is the Jersey Devils on a rare Sunday afternoon homer. The perennial contenders from swampland are 23-7 in their last 30 and have been next to unbeatable since the return of all-time win king Marty Brodeur, who could well end his career with over 700 victories. The Bs tend to play down to their competition. Conversely, the league's best often brings out the Bs' best. Sunday should offer a good barometer of just where the Bruins are with crunch time upon them.
- Blog by Rear Admiral
It's Tough To Win With Those Eyebrows
It's tough enough to beat Duke with two eyebrows nevermind a uni-brow like this. Clearly it was Binghamton's first appearance in the tourney. You got to clean that shit up bro.
Wake Up with Panward Hemmanee
A hot chick in Taiwan? What a waste. That's like a talented player being drafted by the Jets...Complete waste of everyone's time.
Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com
Great 8? You mean Elite 8?
Wake is going to dominate Cleveland St. and beat Louisville in the 16.