Random Thoughts

Blowout city! I just wish Michigan played in the ACC because we'd probably be a #1 seed. Queme Los Barcos Bitches!

Well just like I predicted I would, I absolutely demolished the afternoon session going 2-1 vs. the spread with my only loss being a nail biter with Memphis. And the good news for Stoolies is that I like the evening session even more than I did the afternoon games. Can you say Cha-Ching! Only an idiot wouldn't put at least a dime on each of these games. Because I'm telling you right now I'm going to own this tournament from opening tip the final note of One Shining Moment. It's what athletes refer to being in the zone. And I can't promise these picks will be free the entire time. I may start charging after tonight so jump on board while you still can...

Michigan vs. Clemson - 4.5

So let me get this straight. Gerald Ford, Tom Brady and me all went to Michigan. Who the fuck went to Clemson besides Refrigerator Perry? Advantage Michigan.

The Pick - Michigan +4.5

Western Ky vs. Illinois -5

Is that ridiculously huge guy still playing for Western Kentucky? Ah fuck it, I don't even care. This team beat Louisville by 14 on a neutral court. That's good enough for me.

The Pick - Western KY

Akron vs. Gonzaga -13.5

What's that old expression? You're not acting if your mac'ing? Well I've bet on the MAC tournament winner every year since Wally's World was at Miami of Ohio and more often than not they deliver. I'm not going to lie the fact this spread is so huge makes me nervous, but I'm going to keep my streak alive.

The Pick - Akron

VCU vs. UCLA - 8.5

Everybody and their grandmother likes VCU here. So do I. They may not win but they'll keep it close throughout.

The Pick - VCU

You know the gig. If we don't get submissions then we don't get smokeshows. It's that simple. So get off your ass and send us some hot chicks to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com. Help me help you.

TRENTON, N.J. (AP) — New Jersey is drawing the line when it comes to bikini waxing.The state Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling is moving toward a ban on genital waxing altogether after two women reported being injured in their quest for a smooth bikini line. Both women were hospitalized for infections following so-called "Brazilian" bikini waxes. The state Board of Cosmetology meets next on April 14 and will decide whether to move forward with banning the procedure, made popular in Brazil to accommodate skimpy thong bikinis. The earliest the ban could take effect would be sometime in May, Lamm said, and salons that continue to perform it could be fined Spa owner Linda Orsuto, who owns 800 West Salon & Spa in Cherry Hill, estimates that most of 1,800 bikini waxes performed at her business last year were Brazilian-style. "It's huge," she said, adding that her customers don't think their bikini lines are anyone's business but their own. "It's just not right." She said many customers would likely travel across state lines to get it and some might even try to wax themselves.

The Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling?   What the fuck is that?     See this is what happens when you put Blaine graduates in a position of power.  They let it go to their heads.   I mean I think I speak for everybody when I say the Jersey Shore is already sketchy enough without mixing in skanks running around with huge bushes everywhere.    Tommy Cheeseballs must be pissed! 

Anybody who doesn't laugh the second Razor Ramon opens his mouth has no soul. Sometimes I forget why I loved wrestling growing up. And then I see a video like this and it all comes rushing back. The guys nowadays just don't have the same panache as the old timers did. I mean Razor Ramon was a flat out comedic genius.

PROVIDENCE, R.I.– A Rhode Island woman faces charges after allegedly punching and biting her 11-year-old son's school principal after being told the boy was being suspended. Police said 30-year-old Aleyda Uceta also bit an officer trying to arrest her after Friday's incident at Roger Williams Middle School in Providence.  She was charged with assault on school officials, assault on police officers and resisting arrest.  Principal Rudolph Moseley Jr. was allegedly assaulted after he told Uceta that her son would be suspended for three days for refusing to go to a room for misbehaving students.  Police said Uceta punched Moseley in the face and bit his left arm. 

Well obviously Belding wouldn’t have tolerated any of this shit.   You can’t bite the fucking principle.  Or a cop for that matter.  The problem is every love-sick girl in the country now is obsessed with this “Twilight” bullshit.  No single movie has had this kind of negative effect on society since “Jaws” made people afraid to go swimming.  I mean what if she liked to give head?  Yikes. Obviously something has to be done.  Well either that or she’s insane. 

ELKHART, Ind. (AP) -- Elkhart police gave a high school boys basketball coach a lift to a game in Michigan City after he bonded out of jail following an arrest on a charge of driving while intoxicated. Elkhart police said Wednesday that Assistant Chief Tim Balyeat authorized an officer to pick up Elkhart Memorial coach Mark Barnhizer from the jail Saturday and drive him to the regional tournament game about 45 miles away. The ride was given at the request of Elkhart Community Schools, said Lt. Ed Windbigler. "We felt you shouldn't penalize 10 young adults for the mistakes of one person," Balyeat said. He said the lift was warranted due to the impact the schools and athletics have on the community... Barnhizer made it to the game with about six minutes left in the fourth quarter. Elkhart lost to Munster, 48-39.

I love Elkhart, Indiana. I stayed there for weekend when I was going to a Notre Dame football game. To a person, the residents of Elkhart are decent, God-fearin', cornfed midwesterner with a preternatural fixation on Fighting Irish football and high school hoops. There's not a Myra Fleener in the bunch, bad mouthing basketball and trying to steer Jimmy Chitwood away from the hardwood and out of Hickory. Even though Barnhizer was drunk and on methadone, the Elkhartians know that there's two kinds of dumb. The kind where a guy gets naked and runs out into the snow and barks at the moon, and the kind where he does it in your living room. The first you can kinda ignore, the second, well you have to deal with. The only way this story could've been better is if Barnhizer came in in the 4th quarter and ran the picket fence on 'em. It's a damned shame Elkart got caught watching the paint dry.

Click Here For the Answer

CS Northridge 62 - Memphis 56 10 minutes left!!!!!

The Original

The Spoof (gets good near the middle)

A couple weeks ago I posted a blog regarding the Todd McShay vs. Mel Kiper showdown debating whether the Lions should draft Matthew Stafford. Well today the guys at Profootballtalk dug up a spoof of the argument which I thought was fucking hilarious. But this just could be because I'm buddies with McShay so I'm curious whether everybody thinks. Was this spoof funny?

Vote 1 for no and 10 for yes

Dallas - The principal and other staff members at South Oak Cliff High School were supposed to be breaking up fights. Instead, they sent troubled students into a steel utility cage in an athletic locker room to battle it out with bare fists and no head protection, records show. Documents obtained by The Dallas Morning News say the "cage fights" took place between 2003 and 2005. The records don't say how many fights may have taken place... Internal district reports obtained by The News describe a culture of sanctioned violence in which school employees and even the principal relied on "the cage" to settle disputes and bring unruly students under control... "It was gladiator-style entertainment for the staff," said Frank Hammond, a middle school counselor in Cedar Hill who was fired from South Oak Cliff High School and has filed a whistleblower lawsuit. "They were taking these boys downstairs to fight. And it was sanctioned by the principal and security."

This is one of those moments when you come across a story and wonder how it ever made the news. A school settles disputes with cage fights. In Texas. The place where the Texas Steel Cage Death Match was invented. Where two men solving their differences in the squared circle surrounded by iron bars is a long, proud tradition that dates back to the glory days of Bruno Samartino and Bobo Brazil. I'm pretty sure there's a Roddy Piper-Jimmy Snooka Texas Death Match portrayed on the back of the Texas quarter. Telling guys from the Lone Star State that they've got no right to put schoolboys in a cage and making them battle it out is like telling a Coloradoan he can't ski, a Wisconsiner he can't eat cheese or a Florida teacher she can't seduce her students. It's part of their culture, and you can't take that away.

Pioneerlocal.com - Keenan Cahill dreams of one day becoming a famous actor, but the 13-year-old never expected that a few innocuous home movies would make him a star. Keenan, an Elmhurst resident and seventh-grader at Bryan Middle School, is the brains behind a series of YouTube videos that have garnered the attention of news anchors, the host of a nationally syndicated talk show and thousands -- if not millions -- of Web surfers around the world. "For my 13th birthday, I got an iMac computer," he explained. "I just fiddled around with the camera and made a few random videos."  While he said he still plans on making more videos, he also is taking acting classes with John Casablancas Modeling and Career Center in Oakbrook Terrace and has had contact with talent agencies, including Diverse Talent Group in Los Angeles. "My really big dream is to be on the Disney Channel," he said. "I hope it happens."

Fuck Disney kid.  You’ve already been featured on The Stool multiple times.   It doesn’t get any bigger than that for freakshows.  Well maybe playing the Topsfield Fair, but that’s it.  

PS – Did I read this right?   This thing still hasn’t signed with a talent agency?How is that possible?  I need to get my ass out to Elmhurst ASAP and sign this kid up for the Stool.  I mean can you imagine him, the monkey and Mr. Belding on the same team?   We’d be fucking unstoppable.

It wouldn’t be March Madness if I didn’t give out winners like candy.  Because that’s just what I do here at the Stool.  I dominate college basketball.  So do me a favor drop everything that you're doing and put all these bets in so you can build your bankroll for tomorrow and spend it all on beer, bitches and tshirts at The Place. 

Butler at LSU – 1

Talk about a lack of respect for the SEC huh?    How is this game basically a pick em?   Butler has to be one of the most over rated mid majors in recent memory.    I love LSU here.  They are bigger, faster, stronger and more athletic.   They win this game by 10.

The Pick – LSU

Northern Iowa vs. Purdue -8.5

You don’t have to be a college basketball genius to know that the Missouri Valley Conference is no joke.   The winner of that league is always a team to be reckoned with.  This year is no different.  I’m not sure whether UNI will beat Purdue but it should be close throughout.    It’s the classic 12-5 trap game.   And yes I picked UNI in my brackets.

The Pick – Northern Iowa

CSU Northridge vs. Memphis – 20

Real simple.  Memphis will win and cover this game and every other game they play in the tournament this year.   Congrats to the Memphis Tigers, your 2009 NCAA Champions.

The Pick - Memphis

The fucking Japanese! They even shit better then us! I mean I'm not a big skier but who wouldn't want to take a dump in this thing? It's like the double black diamond of shitters.

- Divine Caroline

Apparently it's International week for Wake Ups. Here's another British beauty, this time pop star Kate Ryan. Little known fact, her first #1, "Gambling on Love", is based on a short relationship she had with Stool writer Pete Manzo.

More of Manzo's Ex here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com