Random Thoughts

Ah, the best 3 weeks in sports is only hours away. It starts tomorrow with your Michigan Wolverines putting the womp ass on Clemson and then of course we have our 5th annual March Madness Party at the Place on Friday. I love this time of the year! Gambling, Drinking and Hoops all fucking day. It should be bedlam. And in case you've never come to this party before I can guarantee you that The Place will be the louder than Conte Forum for the BC game. We'll have tons of Superfans and tons of Superfan haters. It will be awesome. So do me a favor and cue the music....

Let this be a lesson to all the bitches with hot asses out there.   It's easy to dance and celebrate when things are going well. But the true mark of a man (or girl) is how you handle adversity. And this spring breaker passes the test with flying colors. Lots of girls would have thrown in the towel after taking a spill like this. But not this girl. She gets right back up and starts dropping it like it's hot from ground level and the crowd goes fucking bananas. All the other girls in the competition probably just packed their backs and went home at this point. What a professional.

Reader Email

El Pres,

Good looks on the site. So to get straight to the point I'm looking through facebook and under the new 'highlights' section I see a picture. Curiosity causes me to look at the pic and low and behold its a picture of a girl I'm familiar with at Keene State with a beer tattoo on the inside of her lip. To top it off the caption underneath the picture read "because I want a beer in my mouth at all times'. Attached is a photo.. thought you might want to throw this up under the lame or not section. nonetheless great site.

-Joe

I once knew a dude who had “hate” tattooed on his inner lip like this.  Needless to say the guy had some anger management issues.   But I’m not sure what message this chick is trying to send?  I mean it can’t be as simple as she just loves beer right?   If I had to put my psychiatrist hat on here and guess what this girl is about I’d say she loves to party, loves to hookup, loves the dick, but she'll carve her name into your back so fast when you're sleeping you won’t even know what happened.    So proceed at your own risk.

I'm so confused. The Miz is in the WWE? And the Miz knows what Barstool Sports is? Either way this would explain why he hasn't been on the Gauntlet lately. Strange.

MARCH 18--Meet Michelle Owen. Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography, the Indiana woman asked police to search the computer for illegal images, but had her plan backfire when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog. Owen, 24, was charged last week with two felony bestiality counts in connection with the video files, which a detective found in the laptop's "recycle bin." At the time Owen asked cops to search the computer, she was locked up in the Johnson County Jail on a public intoxication charge (which violated the terms of her release in a prior drunk driving case). According to a police affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, a cop told Owen that he had found videos of her on the laptop and asked if she "knew what those files might be." Owen, pictured in the below mug shot, replied, "The one with the dog." Cops believe that the dog in question, Toby, is a beagle. After asking if she was "going to be charged with this," Owen said that the videos "were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it," adding that she tried to "delete them the next day when she was sober."

Listen we’ve all done stuff we’re not proud of when we’re drunk.   Whether it be getting in fights, saying shit we don’t mean or fucking fat bitches.  It can happen to the best of us.   So I ain’t mad at Michelle for getting freaky with Toby the Beagle.   But what type of lunatic rats out her “ex boyfriend” for liking kiddy porn.    Get a grip honey.  He dumped your ass.   Deal with it.  This is what you get for being a psycho about the breakup.   If you just moved on like a normal chick none of this would have ever happened.   Ain’t Karma a bitch?

Daily Mail - Like most mothers Lucy Baxter wants her child to live a fully rounded life - including the experience of a physical relationship and even finding love. But her 21-year-old son Otto has Down's syndrome and has had trouble finding a partner. So she is appealing for women to come forward so Otto can 'enjoy the same experiences as other men his age'. She says she is even prepared to go so far as to pay for a prostitute for her adopted son... 'I would have no problem paying for Otto to go to Amsterdam to visit a brothel if that's what he wanted.' Otto is an aspiring actor who has appeared in local stage versions of Macbeth and The Canterbury Tales. He persuaded his mother to help him find a partner after three years without success. He says his ideal woman is television and radio presenter Fearne Cotton. He added: 'I'm on a mission to find a girlfriend. My reason is I want to have sex. I'm looking for girlfriends everywhere.' Recalling previous encounters, he added: 'There was Jackie - she was a sexy bird, she was gorgeous. She gave me four kisses. Then there was Sarah. We had a crazy snog together. It was a few months ago. I'm still waiting for her to call me back.'

I thought this story sounded familiar and I now I remember where I heard it before. It was from a Very Special Episode of "Life Goes On." The one where Mrs. Thacher takes Corky to a whorehouse and pays a Vietnamese hooker to let him do an Angry Pirate on her. That said, is it just me or is Lucy Baxter the coolest mom on Earth? I loved my sainted mom with all my heart, but she never offered to drive me to the Bunny Ranch and spring for an Around the World with a whore. Until the day that sainted woman died we couldn't sit through a tampon commercial together without mortal embarassment to both of us, never mind talking to me about sex and brothels and Cincinnati Bowties and the like. I feel bad for Otto, but the kid's doing MacBeth and Canterbury Tales and has all of Britain out pimping for him. He's got a better thing going on than I do, and I wish him all success. Hopefully that stuck up bitch Fearne Cotton will get over herself and finally give Otto what he deserves.

Here's yet another reason... as if I needed one... to hate soccer. Can you imagine what Ed Hochuli would've done to this bunch of punks? He would've put their pencil necks between his massive, manly biceps and snapped them like twigs.

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This is what the white guy gets for trying to be athletic. Lay it in dude. It still counts as two. No point in trying to impress people in the CBI tournament. Maybe if this was the NIT that would be a different story.

PS - How many different post season tournaments are there now? I bet a game last night and it wasn't even in the NIT. What the fuck? You have absolutely no pride if you accept an invitation to play in the CBI.

- Thanks to Dan for the tip

Matt Bowen was a strong safety in the NFL for seven years for four different teams and now he writes for Mike Lombardi's National Football Post. And his latest post explains why every veteran in the NFL who's serious about football wants to play for the Patriots. It's well worth reading the entire piece, but I'll list some of the highlights:

The Model
The New England Patriots are the team that every other club in the NFL wants to be -- whether they admit it or not...In the film room, whenever a Patriots tape was on -- even if it was against a team we were preparing to play that Sunday -- the conversation always shifted to New England. Why are they so good? What do they do that makes them better than everyone else? Is it the scheme or the players? Why do they get whomever they want in free agency? Sure, we would sit in those cold chairs in the dark of the film room and throw out criticisms of their players every so often, but we would be kidding ourselves if it wasn't out of pure, unfiltered jealousy.

The Real Appeal
...Veteran players understand that going to New England gives them a chance to extend their careers, and Belichick will make that possible by putting them in different packages -- on both sides of the ball -- that use their skills for the betterment of the team. Sure, they might not play on third downs anymore, but there will be at least five different blitz packages in the game plan that allow them to get on the field and make some plays -- while they chew up the competition along the way.

The Respect Factor
This might be the most important factor when it comes to the Patriots' success. Do you think the garbage going on in Denver right now would happen in New England? No way... Tell me a time when a player went to the podium after a game or during interviews after practice and criticized the way things are done in New England. Because I can't find one... These players would do anything to win -- and that comes from Belichick... I'd be lying if I didn't say that I would have loved to play for him during my career.... Before you throw "Spygate" at me, let's be honest. Every team in the league does it....

The Bottom Line
Before you start to call me a Belichick supporter, or someone who's trying to put down the rest of the AFC East, look at the facts because that's all I'm doing... I've been in locker rooms, and in film rooms across the league, and I can tell you that every player wants to run out of the tunnel in the Super Bowl. We have to realize that veteran players look to one place for that to happen when they're picking teams, and that place is settled between Boston and Providence. Players are drawn to New England because of the coach, the wins, the "team" idea that seems to exist there compared to every other dysfunctional NFL franchise. I despised the Patriots when I played.... But I would have driven up there in a second if they had offered me a contract.

So there you go. I couldn't have said it better myself, although God knows I've tried. And this is coming from an experienced, well traveled, thoughtful, articulate former NFL player who played under coaches like Kirk Ferentz, Mike Martz and Joe Gibbs, not some drunken lowlife blogger with a severe case of Belichickophilia. Bowen even tells the story of how when David Patten joined the Redskins, Gibbs had him show his Patriots championship rings in order to make the point that the Patriots were the model for what the 'Skins were trying to become. Yes, that would be the same Joe Gibbs who won three Super Bowls with Washington. But even Gibbs acknowledges that the Pats are the gold standard for excellence in the NFL. He knows it, Bowen knows it and any player worth a damn knows it. The only question now is: Why doesn't everybody?

(Thanks to Patsfan489 for the article)

SundaySport - SPOTTY teenager Sam Cummings has been nicknamed Craphead Slaphead because his acne spells out the word A-R-S-E. The unfortunate 16-year-old, from Berkshire, says he has suffered from the spotty skin condition for years and has always had to put up with remarks about his blemishes from cruel classmates. But things took a turn for the worse for the Titherton Secondary schoolboy when he woke up one morning this week and found his out of control zits had merged - and formed the word arse.  He said: “I’ve always had bad skin and didn’t think things could get any worse, but obviously I was wrong. He added: “The kids at school have been ripping the piss out of me. It’s been hell and I can’t do anything about it. “ “The other day some of the bigger lads dragged me into the toilet and tried to flush my head down the shitter because they said that’s where an arse belongs.

Craphead Slaphead?  That’s got to be the worst nickname of all time.   I mean how do you fuck this up?  No need to try and get fancy and do a reverse windmill jam here.  Just keep it simple with assface or asshead.   You can’t beat that.   It’s direct and right to the point, but that’s neither here nor there.   What the fuck kind of parents does this kid have?   Seriously how do you let your son show up to school when he has “arse” written across his forehead in zits?   Have you no mercy?   Seriously they might as well have just given him the swirly themselves.  You can’t blame kids for being kids, but parents should know better.  Not to mention the fact, how do you let him do an interview with the local newspaper? When is enough enough? For shame.  For shame.

Is it really too much to ask for the Celtics to get to play a home game on St. Paddy’s Day?  Or is that like too crazy?   I mean it’s not like our logo is fucking Leprechaun or anything.   It’s not like we have a shamrock on our uniform.  Seriously somebody ought to give that little fuck David Stern a history lesson.  The NBA wouldn’t even exist without us and this is how he repays us?  By making us play a road game against a team dressed in our uniforms?   Are you shitting me?   No wonder we didn't play any defense. Our guys were probably confused the entire night. Seriously I puked like 9 times watching this game and not just because I bet the C's.  Poor Red was probably spinning in his grave.

Say whatever you want about my boy Adam Lambert but he’s the only one on American Idol worth watching.   Love him or hate him he puts assess in the seats.   Now as far as this performance goes I’m not going to lie.  It made me very uncomfortable to watch.   As I’ve said from day 1 with this kid he’s got to tone down the gay.   I mean it’s one thing for him to bang dudes on his own time, but he’s got to quit trying to eye fuck me through the TV.    Get it through your head Adam.  I’m straight.  Just because I think you’re a great singer doesn’t mean you can suck my cock.    Now as far as the actually singing went (not the performance) I totally disagreed with Simon.   If you didn’t watch him and just listened to the vocals it was pretty fucking awesome in a totally fucked up kind of way.   I mean if this was Pink Floyd or the Doors people would be pissing themselves.  Sure you probably need to be on “E” to really enjoy it, but it was still cool.  And keep in mind I love Johnny Cash and Ring of Fire.   But there are probably only 5 guys on the planet who can make you feel like you're on acid when you're sober and Adam Lambert is one of them.

Next time you're arguing with your buddy about over paid athletes and he says, "How much money is 'too much,'" refer him to this Wake Up. Take a look at the four foot harry bastard with his mits (and tongue) all over this former Playmate of the Year. When you can put that kind of power play together you have too much money.

More of Vicky here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com