Washington Post - The longer Julián Tavárez thought about the Nationals, they better they looked. The team first contacted Tavárez in November, inviting him to spring training on a non-guaranteed minor league contract. Tavárez said no. He kept waiting. He played earlier this month for the Dominican WBC team, throwing 1 1/3 innings. But with spring training just around the corner, Tavárez was still very much unemployed. The Nationals called again, offering the same deal.

"Why did I sign with the Nationals?" Tavárez said on Sunday. "When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you're just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J-Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It's 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me."

Baahahah!   Julian Tavarez may have just made a bigger contribution to society than any player in the history of MLB.   Because if you don’t think ugly chicks everywhere are going to start being known as “Nationals”  you’re fucking out of your mind.    There is just no way this doesn’t stick.  Just no way.  I mean this is so good the Hawks were slapping each other five.  

PS - Ladies, if Julian Taverez calls a chick a "National" you might as well kill yourself.