The UK - A family of four with a combined weight of 83 stone say they are "too fat to work" and need more than the £22,000 they currently receive in benefits. Philip Chawner, 53, and his 57-year-old wife Audrey weigh 24st. Their daughter Emma, 19, weighs 17st, while her older sister Samantha, 21, weighs 18st. The family from Blackburn claim £22,508 a year in benefits, equivalent to the take-home pay from a £30,000 salary. Philip Chawner, 53, and his 57-year-old wife Audrey weigh 24st. Their daughter Emma, 19, weighs 17st, while her older sister Samantha, 21, weighs 18st. The family from Blackburn claim £22,508 a year in benefits, equivalent to the take-home pay from a £30,000 salary... Mr Chawner said: "What we get barely covers the bills and puts food on the table. It's not our fault we can't work. We deserve more." ...All that healthy food, like fruit and veg, is too expensive. We're fat because it's in our genes." [Audrey] added.

For the record, a British "stone" is equal to 14 lbs. So that would make mom and dad 336 lbs. each, and the daughters 238 and 294 respectively for a grand total of 1162 lbs combined. And for this they get paid $31,000 net. So naturally, they took the time to come out publicly and say "Sorry to be such a burden on soceity everyone. We feel really bad about you subsidizing our complete lack of willpower and we're doing everything we can to get our snouts out of the trough, pick up a salad fork and get a friggin' job. But we really appreciate you helping us out like this." Oh, wait. No they're not saying that. They're saying "Keep working, chumps. You're not doing enough to keep our jowls full of french fries and gravy. We deserve a raise. Now if you need me, I'll be eating a foot long sub on the toilet..." My bad.

But I kid the Chawmers because I love them. I really do. I love anyone who can totally let themselves go to pot then say "It's not me, it's heredity." They improve the quality of life for all of us by getting rid of the notion of personal responsibilty and self control. For instance, today I'm going to hit the pub for some Irish music and as many Guinness' as I can throw down before I head home to boiled dinner. And when I stumble in the house half in the wrapper I feel good about knowing it wasn't my fault I boozed myself senseless, it was in my DNA. So thanks, Chawmers family, as far as I'm concerned, you're worth every penny the British taxpayers are giving you, plus more. Thanks for showing us all that your fat ass isn't in your jeans, it's in your genes.