Random Thoughts

Ok the fun part of having a Leprechaun invade Spring Training is that David Ortiz got to put the number "15" on his back and call him Dustin Pedroia, which you know fucking pissed Pedroia off to no end. But the guy just couldn't leave on a high note. He then went into the NESN booth with Jerry and Don and that's when it got super awkward. Just proves the old adage. Midgets are meant to be seen not heard.

PS - The over/under on dudes wearing the Green Sox shirts in Fanueil Hall next weekend is 6,432.

- Thanks to Red Sox Monster for the tip

Introducing Alicia from Boston via Umass Lowell.   Pound for pound some of the best bikini shots we've ever had.    Almost like she was born to wear a bikini or something.  

Do you know any smokeshows?    Send them to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com.     And remember nobody can be crowned hot in Boston until we say so.

Click for more of Alicia

If you're a blogger for a smutty website and a guy who's predisposed to liking Irish chicks, life is not all rainbows, harps and pots o' gold. Google "Hot Swedish Chicks" and you'll get thousands of hits. Ditto "Beautiful British Celebrities. Try "Sexy Asian Women" and you'll probably fry your hard drive. Try any combination that includes the word "Irish" and you'll probably end up with a limerick site or pictures of sunsets or something. The Irish are known for many things, but a vast, treasure trove of famous hot Irish celebrity women is not among them. But it's St. Patrick's Day and I'm heading out to the Snug in Hingham for a couple of dozen pints so before I go I tried to see what the Olde Sod had to offer in terms of their best celebrity chicks and here's what I came up with. A recent poll of Irishmen picked these four as their sexiest. It'll have to do. Happy St. Paddy's everyone.

No. 1: Andrea Corr of The Corrs

Click here to see all of them and have a Merry Irish Christmas...

Washington Post - The longer Julián Tavárez thought about the Nationals, they better they looked. The team first contacted Tavárez in November, inviting him to spring training on a non-guaranteed minor league contract. Tavárez said no. He kept waiting. He played earlier this month for the Dominican WBC team, throwing 1 1/3 innings. But with spring training just around the corner, Tavárez was still very much unemployed. The Nationals called again, offering the same deal.

"Why did I sign with the Nationals?" Tavárez said on Sunday. "When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you're just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J-Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It's 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me."

Baahahah!   Julian Tavarez may have just made a bigger contribution to society than any player in the history of MLB.   Because if you don’t think ugly chicks everywhere are going to start being known as “Nationals”  you’re fucking out of your mind.    There is just no way this doesn’t stick.  Just no way.  I mean this is so good the Hawks were slapping each other five.  

PS - Ladies, if Julian Taverez calls a chick a "National" you might as well kill yourself.

Ebay - Here I am again, Larry Thomas, your friendly neighborhood Soup Nazi from Seinfeld .  In addition to the photos I've been custom signing (see my other items) I will personally custom autograph these ladles.  They've been very popular at autograph shows around the country.  They hang easily in the kitchen (or anywhere else).  As with my pics I will sign them any way you want.  A name looks good above the "No soup for you!" if you want them personalized.   I write "The Soup Nazi" under my signature so you know who signed it.  Please be sure to tell me what you want me to write, you must tell me or I don't know what to send.  The photo of me holding one is to show that it is me signing them it doesn't come with the ladle.  Also note the current ladle style (all black)   For the USA these will ship priority (2 to 3 days)$4.75 for one or two.  Three or more add $1.00 per ladle for shipping.   Canada $5.00 for one piece, plus $1.00 for each one more.  All other countries $10.00 for one piece plus $1.00 for each one more.  And if you buy a photo with it I combine shipping for the $4.75 priority for both.

Wait a minute.   The picture of the Soup Nazi signing the ladle doesn’t come with it?   Well how do I know that it’s authentic then and not just some dude who has a picture of the Soup Nazi?   Not to mention the fact that 20 bucks seems pretty fucking cheap doesn't it? So sorry but you got to wake up a little earlier in the morning to pull one over on me.    Bottom line is that if the Soup Nazi signs a ladle that says “Keep Stirring The Pot Pres” and sends me a picture of himself with that ladle I’ll gladly pay 100 bucks cash for it no questions asked.  But until then I’m not falling for no Soup Nazi Ponzi scheme.    I'm not a sucker like all those Madoff victims I know when something is too good to be true.

Herald - Tom Brady spent the weekend in Brazil, but yesterday he was front and center for the start of the Patriots conditioning program. Brady’s world travels kept him from full-time participation in last year’s program, but he seemed to send a message with his arrival yesterday on the first full day of optional workouts. Newly acquired wide receiver Greg Lewis certainly was impressed. While he and Brady didn’t throw any passes - yesterday was about weightlifting - he liked what he saw of the quarterback, who is recovering from season-ending knee surgery. “I met Tom today at a workout and in the locker room,” said Lewis, who recently was acquired from the Eagles. “He came up to me and welcomed me to the team. He seemed like a great guy. I’ve seen him on film do great things. I’m just looking forward to (getting to work).”

For months now I've been listening to naysayers telling me that Brady is not coming back healthy and he's grown soft and being married will have a negative effect and he doesn't have the fire in the belly anymore and all sort of negative crap. Well how you like them apples? The first chance that Brady has to prove he's the same guy he ever was... the one who made it from the bench at Michigan to the top of the football world through sheer dedication... he passes the test with flying colors. You know what defines "fire in the belly"? It's climbing down off your supermodel wife at her mansion in the tropics and flying back to Foxboro in mid-March so you can take part in a voluntary workout. It's not hiding behind excuses when you could legitimately back out of the workouts by saying you need to rest your knee. It's about being a leader and showing your new teammates how we do things in New England instead of being a whiny, self-absorbed little sissy like Jay Cutler. It's about taking that first step on the road to proving that Tom Brady is coming back and he's bringing all hell with him.

Maybe I can get into hockey after all....

The UK - A family of four with a combined weight of 83 stone say they are "too fat to work" and need more than the £22,000 they currently receive in benefits. Philip Chawner, 53, and his 57-year-old wife Audrey weigh 24st. Their daughter Emma, 19, weighs 17st, while her older sister Samantha, 21, weighs 18st. The family from Blackburn claim £22,508 a year in benefits, equivalent to the take-home pay from a £30,000 salary. Philip Chawner, 53, and his 57-year-old wife Audrey weigh 24st. Their daughter Emma, 19, weighs 17st, while her older sister Samantha, 21, weighs 18st. The family from Blackburn claim £22,508 a year in benefits, equivalent to the take-home pay from a £30,000 salary... Mr Chawner said: "What we get barely covers the bills and puts food on the table. It's not our fault we can't work. We deserve more." ...All that healthy food, like fruit and veg, is too expensive. We're fat because it's in our genes." [Audrey] added.

For the record, a British "stone" is equal to 14 lbs. So that would make mom and dad 336 lbs. each, and the daughters 238 and 294 respectively for a grand total of 1162 lbs combined. And for this they get paid $31,000 net. So naturally, they took the time to come out publicly and say "Sorry to be such a burden on soceity everyone. We feel really bad about you subsidizing our complete lack of willpower and we're doing everything we can to get our snouts out of the trough, pick up a salad fork and get a friggin' job. But we really appreciate you helping us out like this." Oh, wait. No they're not saying that. They're saying "Keep working, chumps. You're not doing enough to keep our jowls full of french fries and gravy. We deserve a raise. Now if you need me, I'll be eating a foot long sub on the toilet..." My bad.

But I kid the Chawmers because I love them. I really do. I love anyone who can totally let themselves go to pot then say "It's not me, it's heredity." They improve the quality of life for all of us by getting rid of the notion of personal responsibilty and self control. For instance, today I'm going to hit the pub for some Irish music and as many Guinness' as I can throw down before I head home to boiled dinner. And when I stumble in the house half in the wrapper I feel good about knowing it wasn't my fault I boozed myself senseless, it was in my DNA. So thanks, Chawmers family, as far as I'm concerned, you're worth every penny the British taxpayers are giving you, plus more. Thanks for showing us all that your fat ass isn't in your jeans, it's in your genes.

Break that motherfucker down bitch!

USWeekly - Jamie Kennedy has confessed that he and Ghost Whisperer costar Jennifer Love Hewitt are an item."Yes, we are dating," he said Friday on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM radio show. "Wow, I've never said that."  Both Kennedy and Love Hewitt recently denied to Usmagazine.com that they were an item. ("Can't you have a hamburger with a beautiful woman in this town and sing a little karaoke without it being marriage already!" he told Us last month.) on Seacrest's show, Kennedy couldn't stop gushing about her: "We're more than dating ... we're more than in love." "We have an intense connection," he said.  He said the relationship came out of nowhere, adding that he had been "too busy" for love. But "here's somebody that breathes life into you in a new way and makes you fuller and that's what she does to me!" he said of the actress."I'm in love, and I don't care!" he added. "Ryan, you knew off-the-air, because you said I seemed different to you ... it's amazing." Of finding love, Kennedy said, "I thought something would happen in my 40s. Hollywood makes us on our own train, and it's like I have a co-conductor now."

Oh how the mighty have fallen.   Seriously this is like watching Larry Holmes beat up on Muhammad Ali when Ali was like 30 years past his prime.  It almost makes you want to cry. I mean Jennifer Love Hewitt is really dating Jaime Kennedy?   As in the Jaime Kennedy experiment?   Yeah I kind of liked that show, but still there is no way he should be in the same room with Love Hewitt never mind sticking his dick in her.  And then he has the balls to go on the radio and brag about it.   Talk about adding insult to injury.   You know Love Hewitt was sitting in a dark room bawling her eyes out listening to this interview.    Seriously when is enough enough?   Mercy!   Mercy!

NY Times - Yankees General Manager Brian Cashman angrily took issue Thursday night with an anecdote about him and Jason Giambi that is contained in a new book about Roger Clemens.. The book, "The Rocket That Fell to Earth,” (Harper Collins) by Jeff Pearlman, is to be released later this month... The book said that when Giambi went through a slump in the 2002 season, his first with the Yankees, Cashman was heard yelling at a television in the Yankees’ clubhouse during a game. Citing “one New York player,” the book said that Cashman screamed, “Jason, whatever you were taking in Oakland,” get back on it. The book said that Cashman then added, “Please!”... “That is completely false,” Cashman said.... Before the 2002 season, the Yankees signed Giambi to a seven-year, $120 million contract... the Yankees, when they signed Giambi, had agreed to a request from Giambi to have all references to steroids removed from the guarantee language of the contract. The Yankees, however, maintained that they had no knowledge of Giambi’s use of steroids when they signed him.

To be fair... and I don't know why I would... maybe Brian Cashman is telling the truth here. But frankly Pearlman's story just sounds a lot more credible than Cashman's denials. And even if Cashman doesn't remember saying it, why bother denying it? Why are the Yankees still trying to perpetuate this myth that they were shocked shocked! when Giambi admitted to using two years after they signed him. Remember that ridiculous fiction the Peter Gammons always touted that Joe Torre wanted Giambi in the Bronx because he's such "a good character guy" and not because of his freakish power numbers? When was the last time anybody bought that? So I don't get why Cashman wouldn't just say "Of course I wanted him on whatever he was taking in Oakland. What do you think we gave him $120 million for? Who wouldn't want that?" It's the lesson of Watergate and the Lewinsky scandal: the coverup is always worse than the crime.

PS Any book that chronicles Clemens disgrace and humiliation is one I have to read. I'll be camping outside Barnes & Noble the night before this one goes on sale.

Listen I've never been a big slot machine guy. I've always thought they were only for pussies and old ladies. But if the guy drinking the Big Gulp says you can win big at them by playing early in the morning I'm game. I mean money is money and Lord knows I could use it right now. So Foxwoods here I come!

MARCH 16--A Florida man wearing an "I ♥ My Marriage" t-shirt was arrested last night for allegedly choking his wife during an argument in their Tampa-area home. Bradley Gellert, a 32-year-old financial consultant, was busted by Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office deputies and booked into jail on a felony domestic battery by strangulation charge. The "I ♥ My Marriage" shirt was a promotional item tied to the 2008 movie "Fireproof," a Christian-themed film starring Kirk Cameron. The movie, a hit in evangelical circles, centers on a fireman's religious awakening and his simultaneous effort to save a failing marriage.

Say it ain’t so!   Listen we’ve had a lot of stories over the years that I’ve found impossible to believe, but none more so than this one.   I mean look at this dude’s shirt!   It can’t be any more clear.   He loves his marriage!   So how does he get busted for strangling his wife?   It just makes no sense.  Suddenly what’s up is down and down is up.   I feel like my entire belief system has been shaken to the core.    Where the fuck is Kirk Cameron when you need him? Or at the very least Boner?

NYPOST - Nothing gets between A-Rod and his mirror!  Troubled slugger Alex Rodriguez gets up close and personal - with himself - in a one-man love affair photographed and published in the upcoming Details magazine. The mag captures A-Rod's essence, with pictures of him smooching his own reflection, stretching his toned muscles on a bare mattress and brooding seductively for the camera.  Details writer Jason Gay noted that A-Rod frantically reached out to him after the interview to retract the revelation of his favorite Madonna song. The meltdown seemed like an odd concern of A-Rod's, according to Gay, considering that the Bomber's chat with Details came after Sports Illustrated reported he had used banned substances, and days before he faced teammates and media in Tampa.  A-Rod told the writer he didn't want that particular Madonna song blaring at rival American League parks at every road game.

Well it’s about time.   I mean what has it been like a week since our last totally ridiculous Arod story?   Seriously I was beginning to wonder if we’d ever see pictures of Arod making out with himself in a mirror or not.    Although I must admit I’m a little disappointed he didn’t have a needle sticking out of his ass in these photos.  That would have been the coup de gras.   Seriously where the fuck are his PR people?   How could anybody think this was a good idea?    Isn’t this like the exact opposite image that he’s been trying to convey for the past 5 years? 

Like I said before, the only possible explanation is that he is doing this on purpose.  He’s just like a WWE bad guy who pretends like he wants to be good, but everybody knows he’s bad.  I mean nobody is this clueless.   Nobody.   And I love the part about him freaking out about them talking about his favorite Madonna song.   He probably just threw that in there to get people riled up.   It's Bobby the Brain Heenan 101.

It wouldn’t be St. Patrick’s Day at the Stool if we didn’t play the Leprechaun in Mobile Alabama video.   When I first saw this video I took a blood oath to play it every St. Patrick’s Day for the rest of my life as long as the Stool is still in business.   So four years later here we are. Without a shadow of a doubt it is still one of the top 10 youtubes of all time.  From the opening scene when that dude asks who has seen the leprechaun, to the amateur sketch drawing of it, to the lady who thinks he’s a crack head, to the guy who has the ancient flute, it’s one great moment after another.   Here is the rap version below;

Well Happy St. Patrick's Day to all you Lads and Lasses out there. UB made sure to wear his green today, though the Irish curse should be enough proof of his heritage. Here's your Leprechaun fix:

And here's your redhead fix...If you got a redhead that didn't make the Wake Up go ahead and throw a link up in the comment section. It's St. Patty's a day of drinking and sharing.

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com