For all you Stoolies who hang on my every mortal lock you should thank your lucky stars that I had trivia last night and didn’t get time to post my picks because I got fucking murdered.   I had Kansas, UNLV and San Diego State.    Three double digit favorites.   Not only did I go 0-3, but Kansas lost by fucking 20 and that may have been my closet game!    Seriously it may have been the worst night of gambling in the history of my storied career.   Tonight I look to bounce back with Wicked Thirsty Thursday Two Pack.    According to my math I’m due….

TN at SC -2

South Carolina is 16-1 at home.  That’s good enough for me.   Yeah I know the Vols beat me the other night at Florida but they are still just a .500 team on the road.  And for whatever reason they own the Gators.  Same can’t be said for the Gamecocks.  At least I hope not.

The Pick – SC

Cal at AZ -4.5

Right now AZ is my dark horse for the NCAA tournament.  Sure they are only like 4 guys deep, but those 4 guys are nasty.   They’ve been great at home all season why Cal has been awful on the road.    This has double digits written all over it.

The Pick - AZ

PS - Our 4th or 5th annual March Madness Party is all set for March 20th at the Place. So if you haven't taken the day off from work yet hurry up and do that. This is by far my most favorite event of the year. Just drinking all day and gambling. Just the way God intended it to be.

Introducing Sara from Bentley.   For anybody paying even the slightest bit of attention to Barstool Sports for the past 4 years you should know that this chick is totally in my wheelhouse.   I love everything about her.  I love her whole fucking operation. She kind of has some Minka Kelly in her. I wonder if she ever gets that or am I the only one awesome enough to come up with that analogy?

Calling all smokeshows!  Do you know anybody so hot that she’ll make us break our rule and post a girl on Friday?   If you do send them our way at randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more of Sara

Daily Mail - A woman bit off her boyfriend’s tongue after asking him for a kiss on his birthday, a court heard. Tracy Davies sank her teeth in after telling Mark Coghill that she loved him, a jury heard. Mr Coghill, 45, who met Davies through a local newspaper's lonely hearts advert, then watched in horror as she took the severed organ from her mouth and dropped it on the floor, prosecutors said. Afterwards, when police arrived, Davies, 40, is said to have handed it to officers in a small plastic bag before saying: ‘We had a domestic and I bit his tongue off, here it is.’... when police arrested her, [she told] officers: ‘You’re joking!’

... And when asked by police what happened, Mr. Goghill said "Unh umm mumma uhuhnnna..." Sorry. In a violent crime such as this, I'm always reluctant to blame the victim. But in this case, how can you not? This was a triumph of optimism over common sense if ever I've seen one. Just look at Tracy Davies in this picture and tell me she doesn't look like she's going to bite a tongue off at the first opportunity. Slipping a tongue between this woman's teeth is no different than one of those videos you see on Animal Planet where some reckless buffoon hops the safety fence at the zoo and gets mauled by a polar bear. It's hard to whip up a ton of sympathy for someone who takes foolish risks like French kissing the lonely hearts British version of Estelle Costanza. Frankly I think he got off easy by only losing a tongue. He should be grateful she didn't over him a birthday BJ. So while I feel a bit bad for the guy, the bottom line is if you stick your head in a gator's mouth, don't come crying to me if you get bitten.

Reader Email

Hey Pres,

Thought you would like the new drink offered at bonfire at the park plaza hotel.

Recipe:

Shot of el mejor Tequila (Silver, Reposado, Anejo)

Steroid Splash:

Bonfire’s House Smoked Tomatoes

Tomato juice

Lemon juice

Tabascosauce

Jalapenos

I like the idea of this. Just seems weird for a place like Bonfire. Granted I've never eaten there but don't like old stuffy people who are about to die go there and shit? They probably think this is their meds or something. This belongs at a place like Game On! or something. Anyway I gave it a 6.

PS - I readily admit I could have totally miscategorized Bonfire's clientele

Facebook - JOHN COREY, OWNER OF BLANCHARD'S LIQUOR IN ALLSTON, IS A DOG ABUSER. DON'T BELIEVE IT? WATCH HERE: http://www.thebostonchannel.com/video/18815605/index.html

We will be protesting outside of the store on Friday the 6th at 8pm, handing out flyers with links to the youtube video, information about the incident and the addresses of other local liquor stores. If you can be there, please join us!

EVEN IF YOU CAN'T BE THERE FOR THIS PROTEST, PLEASE BUY YOUR BOOZE ELSEWHERE. WITH THE NUMBER OF LIQUOR STORES IN THIS CITY, YOU CAN DEFINITELY FIND ANOTHER PLACE TO GO BEFORE PARTIES.

So it looks like that video we posted on Friday of the puppy getting stomped at Blanchards has gone global.   I still haven’t seen anybody officially say it was John Corey, but by all accounts it was definitely Blanchard’s and definitely somebody closely associated with them.  I’ll let you connect the dots.    Anyway one of the interesting facets of this story is that nobody has mentioned the Stool.   The Globe had an article on this over the weekend and mentioned how the youtube video struck a cord with people and had 20,000 views in only 24 hours.   Not coincidentally 20,000 people watched it directly from Barstool Sports.  (yes you can track that stuff)   Hmm, you’d think somebody would have at least mentioned us instead of all these vague references to some underground blog and chatroom conspiracy.    We posted it.  It became huge.   End of story.    That’s just what we do.  We’re like The Three Amigos in that regard.  Wherever there is injustice you will find us.  Wherever there is suffering, we’ll be there.   Wherever puppies are getting stomped on or fat chicks are trying to go out in public without ridicule you will find Barstool Sports.

NY Post - Michael Strahan likes to keep really close track of his women. When the gap-toothed ex-Giant suspected his longtime girlfriend of cheating, he put a tracking device in her car - and went ballistic when she found it, sources told The Post. It's the second time Strahan, who now lives in California, used the Big Brother tactic on gal pal Nicole Murphy, the ex-wife of comedian Eddie Murphy, a source said. But Strahan has been playing amateur snoop for years. During his nasty 2006 divorce trial, Strahan's ex-wife, Jean, accused the hulking defensive lineman of using high-tech spyware to tap her phone at their New Jersey mansion. She also revealed at the trial that he'd installed a secret video system to record her sister undressing.

I know I'll get accused of posting an embarrassing story about Michael Strahan just because I'm bitter that his sack of Tom Brady in the 3rd quarter of the Super Bowl That Shall Not Be Named pushed the Pats from 3rd & 7 at the New York 25 to basically out of field goal range and the Pats went for it on 4th and Brady threw an incompletion and cost them 3 points and eventually the game and I haven't gotten over it or stopped wondering why they wouldn't attempt the field goal since it was 48 yards and makeable and I said at the time if Stephen Gostkowski can't hit one from there then let's bring in someone who can and I'm still harboring a serious grudge against the Giants for winning that game and against Strahan for retiring a champion right afterward thus forcing me to watch him on Fox and therefore I'll do anything to embarrass the guy. But really that's not the case. The Giants played a great game. Bully for Strahan he went out on top. But I would like to point out that while he's got a ring from that game, at least our players know how to keep their women in line. They don't need to buy nanny cams and keep tabs on their women through the Strahan-Lojack Cheating Wife Recovery Network. Mike might have cost the Pats the game that day, but at least Brady knows where his wife is: Right next to him feeding him grapes like he's a Pharoah then riding him like a jockey. That makes him a winner in life.

I've gotten a bunch of emails about this the last 24-48 hours. Just as an FYI these guys are on a show called Prankwars or something like that where they just go back and forth doing shit like this to each other. So I wasn't going to post it because I think it's 100% fake. And by fake I mean fake like a surprise birthday party where the person knows it's coming, but acts surprised anyway. There is just no way this dude didn't realize what was happening. I mean he's almost as bad an actor as the guy from the Bachelor (Cue the Pres you're so fucking gay comments) Bottom line is that you can't keep pulling megapranks on the same person over and over unless that individual is a total moron. Eventually they'll catch on. It's just evolution. So for all those people who sent this to me I have a message. Wake the fuck up.

I assume everybody agrees with me but for the sake of democracy I'll put it up to a vote. Vote 1 for you think this kid honestly thought he won and 10 for he knew this was a prank

"That's right honey...I'm checking out your girlfriends ass. Deal with it"

NBC - First the Chick-fil-A cow received a beat-down in Fredericksburg, Va.  Now, someone takes a shot at everyone's favorite crime-fighting pooch.  McGruff the Crime Dog was the latest victim of the mascot mayhem.Police said their four-legged hero absorbed a blow to the head over the weekend from a Metro bus driver in front of a group of children but didn't lose his cool, according to the Washington Examiner.McGruff, who was actually District officer Tyrone Hardy in costume, was handing out flyers to kids in northwest Washington Saturday when bus driver Shawn Brim, 38, stopped, got out and adjusted his mirrors and then cold-cocked McGruff in the head with a closed fist, according to a police report. A woozy McGruff staggered. Kids screamed. The alleged attacker hopped back on his bus and drove off. Other police officers who were there with McGruff and watched the alleged assault quickly tracked down the bus and the driver.Brim, 38, later told a supervisor that he was trying “to be funny,” Metro spokeswoman Candace Smith told The Examiner on Monday.Brim was charged with simple assault.

There has to be more to this story right?  I mean who takes a cheap shot at McGruff like this?   Strange to say the least.   But the most disappointing part of this story for me  is that McGruff needed help from the cops to apprehend the suspect.  I mean this is like Superman asking the Boston Police for help getting his wallet back after he got mugged.    Looks like McGruff The Crime Dog kind of got exposed huh?

ORLANDO -- Alex Rodríguez no solamente se perderá jugar con República Dominicana en el Clásico Mundial de Béisbol, sino que se perdería el primer mes de la temporada con los Yanquis de Nueva York después que un examen médico revelara que debe ser operado inmediatamente de un quiste en la cadera, dijo un hermano del pelotero a ESPNdeportes.com. Joe Rodríguez informó que A-Rod será operado el lunes en Colorado y necesitaría cerca de 10 semanas para rehabilitarse.

Well I don’t know what the fuck that said but if Arod didn’t know he needed hip surgery until yesterday than something is very very wrong here.  I mean it’s not like he was distracted this off-season so there’s really no excuse.   Seriously, how can it take this long to realize you need hip surgery?  The season starts in a month!  Fantasy drafts are being held as we speak! As a Yankee fan I know there are always obstacles you need to overcome in order to win your 5th, 6th, even 27th championship.  But this is getting ridiculous.   Reggie Jackson never missed an October.

Massmostwanted.org - 2 males entered bank and asked teller for change for a $50 bill.Older male requested 2 twenty dollar bills. 1 $5 bill, 3 ones and eight quarters. Suspect then gave money back to teller and requested a $100 bill which he received. Suspect then gave $100 bill back and asked for 4 $50 bills which he received. Suspect and other male then left the bank  If you have any information about the identity of this person or where they are, please contact:

Woburn: (781) 933-1212 x 854
Investigator: Ptl. Dugan Det.Dowd
Case Submission No.: 090179

Wait a minute.  So they give the bank teller a $100 bill and asked for four fifties in return?  I don’t get it?  What’s the crime?  Oh wait a minute!   That’s $200!   Diabolical!   Seriously how do you stop a crime like this in real time?    I mean this is like Oceans 11 type shit right here.  Now it makes sense why they are on the Mass Most Wanted list.   But I got to be honest.  I’m not keeping my fingers crossed that we catch them.   Because you just don’t hatch a plan of this magnitude without taking care of all the loose ends.  These guys are probably already half way to Mexico by now with that extra hundo and the teller still doesn’t even know what hit him.   So good luck to the police because they’re going to need it.

Since MLB Network went on the air on New Year's Day, I've only watched it sparingly. It pretty much amounts to 24 hours worth of old games I don't want to watch again with the occasional "Baseball Tonight" thrown in. Plus it's got Bob Costas and Hazel Mae and I've pretty much bagged my limit on them. Until now, I'd never heard of Matt Vasgersian, but anyone who can subtlely slip the F-bomb past the producers and Harold Reynolds like this has a special kind of talent. I'll be watching for him.

I don't know how it's possible but I don't think I'd ever seen this hit before. I'm pretty sure I would have remembered it if I saw it. The guy who send me this described it perfectly. It's a "get back in the huddle" type of hit.  Both coaches go on overload, freaking out, telling their kids to get back in the huddle.  they don't know what else to say.   

CARLISLE — The lawyer representing a suspended Central Kentucky principal said his client felt threatened during an altercation with a student.  Nicholas County High School principal Joseph F. Orazen appeared in court for an arraignment Wednesday afternoon and pleaded not guilty to fourth-degree assault. Orazen was suspended after an altercation last month with student Dusty Green, 15. “Believe me, there’s a whole lot more to this than a 10-second video,” defense attorney David Franklin of Lexington said.  He declined to elaborate on the threats made against Orazen during the altercation. He said Green refused to leave school property when he returned after school to pick up a confiscated cell phone.

I’m 100% on the principal’s side on this one.  This kid just seems like a punk doesn’t he?   It was like he was baiting the principal into this.  Listen once you get suspended you lose all you’re rights if you don’t leave school property.  I don’t care if you left your dick inside the school.   It’s like when a fan runs out on the field.  Proceed at your own risk.   If you get demolished don’t come crying to me afterwards because you shouldn’t have been there in the first place.   You don’t want to get slammed bro?    Then don’t break the rules. 

There are many unsavory aspects of New Jersey- the inferiority complex, the horrific stench of the Jersey turnpike, the hellhole cities- but the New Jersey Nets franchise is by far the worst. Ever since the Byron Scott days, they have employed almost exclusively d-bags and moral degenerates. So, it's always nice to beat them. Again. And again. And again.

This game was close, thanks to the refs calling silent farts as fouls against the Celtics the first half and Vince Carter choosing to put forth a magnificent 25% effort, as he is wont to do a couple times a year. But, after almost screwing up this game worse than that abomination of a Spurs game a couple weeks back, the Celtics executed nicely down the stretch and pulled it out. I honestly can't remember the last time the Celtics lost to the Nets. Was it back when the Celtics sucked, two years ago? It's been a long time.

So, despite Vince Carter playing his best game of the season, KG being out, Scalabringinthepain being out, and the refs basically performing fellatio on the whole Nets roster the entire game, the Celtics emerged with a victory. Good learning experience for the not-at-all young team.

Stephon watch: Starbury was booed every time he touched the ball, had two of the worst shot attempts in basketball history, but racked up 4 assists against only 1 turnover. As far as we know, he didn't terrorize the team at all!The Marbury pickup is looking like a wise one, as is Mikki Moore. Also, worth mentioning is that Gabe Pruitt is going to have benchsores on his ass for the rest of the season. Even Bill Walker got some burn tonight. Don't drive and drive, kiddos

Blog from BP at I Heart Celtics/Barstool

Three things came to mind while watching the movie "10" the other day:

1. Do you have any idea how fucking hot a chick has to be to be the female lead in a movie called "10?" If every person sitting in the theater doesn't want to fuck the shit out of her, then the movie fails.

2. Why the fuck does Dudley Moore wear a sweat suit on the beach?

3. The line from Fast Times at Ridgemont High: "Bo Derek's tits! I like sex!"

So here is the completely NSFW Classic Wake Up with a real life 10. (Also note how much she loves animals. In this Wake Up alone she's nude with 3 horses, a dog, a bird and a monkey. Enjoy)