Random Thoughts

Unless you've spent the last couple of weeks in a Nyquil coma, you know that tonight is the Barstool Mardi Gras Party featuring Mr. Belding. And if you're not coming, then you've chosen to live an empty life of quiet desperation and I have zero pity for you. Last year's Mardi Gras party came barely a week after Super Bowl XLII and the chance to drown the memory of the Tyree catch in an ocean of sweet, sweet booze was exactly what the doctor ordered. And this year should be even better.

Honestly, is there a better holiday than Mardi Gras? Could there be? No gift-buying, no decorating, no cooking. It's all just beer, buffoonery, beads, Bacchus, B-list celebrities, booze and boobs. It's Degenerate Christmas. It's the one day of the year when you can exchange a plastic necklace for a look at breasts. When cheap trinkets will get you cheap tricks. And when you live in a town where we plan a parade around drunken city councilors walking down the street wearing green carnations, the Barstool Mardi Gras party is a gift from heaven.

That said, Mardi Gras has never been for just anyone. I'll die before I use the word "party" as a verb, but it takes a certain breed of person to be worthy of hanging out with on this sacred day. Mardi Gras is only for men and women both with a special talent for debauchery, wantonness and immorality. Guys willing to pound drinks and chase skirts, and women with a penchant for trading their dignity for 99 cent strings of beads. And here's my Coed Mardi Gras Fantasy Roster in differing categories:

From History:
Ben Franklin

Long before he inspired a name for rapper currency, Franklin was the 18th century's leading party animal. He once famously said "Beer is God's proof that He loves us and wants us to be happy." As an overseas diplomat for the Continental Congress, Franklin saw more French ass than a bidet. And pardon me if I'm partial to paunchy, glasses wearing humor writers who love to drink.
Rating: 3 Beldings

To see the rest of the lineup, click here...

Boston.com - An assistant clerk at the Chelsea District Court was arrested by the FBI this morning on charges that he had sex with an accused prostitute in an empty courtroom while promising to help get a charge against her dismissed. James "Jim" Burke, 41, of Chelsea, made a brief appearance this morning before US Magistrate Judge Timothy S. Hillman, who released him on $10,000 unsecured bond and ordered him to return to federal court March 26 for a probable cause hearing. "It's a perversion of the legal system and a gross abuse of power,'' said Assistant US Attorney Brian T. Kelly, head of the US attorney's public corruption unit. The accused prostitute was in the Chelsea court with her lawyer in December trying to get prostitution charges dismissed when she saw Burke and confided to her lawyer that Burke had approached her when she was in the lockup at the courthouse on similar charges in February 2005 and offered to get her case dismissed if she provided sex, according to an FBI affidavit filed in federal court. The woman said Burke took her into a courtroom, where she performed oral sex on him. After her lawyer alerted the FBI, the woman began cooperating with agents and secretly recorded conversations with Burke, who allegedly acknowledged their earlier sexual encounter and offered to help her get the new charges dismissed if she helped him again, the affidavit says.  Burke asked the woman if she thought it was "hot" that they had sex in a courtroom and told her, "It's good because it's like it's so bad,'' the affidavit said.

(Now back to our regulary scheduled programming) Whoa, whoa whoa.   Since when does Oral sex count as sex?   I mean what court employee hasn’t been at least blown in a courtroom before?   Disappointing to say the least.    And who the fuck does this prostitute think she is anyway?   Honey this is what you do for a living!  You suck cock!    So spare me the whole indignation routine because this is as fair a deal as it gets.   I mean I wouldn’t be insulted if somebody said they could get a lawsuit dismissed against me if I wrote a nice blog about them.  I mean that’s what I do.   It’s called bartering.    Fucking slut.    You don’t want people throwing trade proposals at you for sex then get out of the prostitution game.   Perversion of justice indeed!

Craigslist - the link below is to a video is of john corey, owner of blanchard's liquors in allston, stomping on the cage his son's beagle puppy is in. rumor has it that this was in response to his son kicking his father's mercedes benz. it disgusts me that there are people out there who think that it's okay to do things like this. animal abuse is not a joke, and i hope that you will join me in boycotting this store...also, don't watch the video if you think it'll bother you, the puppy is not visibly injured in the footage, but it is still really sad to watch...

People know how I feel about dogs. This is just about the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. Now there are various reports about who actually did the stomping here. The guy who sent it to me said it was the owner of Blanchard's in Allston and so did most of the commenter's on the youtube video. But before I passed judgment I decided to be a real reporter for the first time in my life and I actually called Blanchard's to ask about this video. I just got off the phone with the owner and told him about the situation. I said this video is starting to go around with somebody stomping a dog and everybody is saying it's you. Is it you?

He said the following;

It is absolutely not me.

I then asked if he knew about anybody in his store stomping a dog.

He said he had absolutely no idea what I was talking about but was going to look into it and thanked me for calling"

So before I go bash anybody I'll give him the benefit of the doubt because this is too serious an allegation to make without more proof than a Craigslist ad. Regardless whoever did it deserves to get their ass thrown in jail and raped to shit. And if this has nothing to do with Blanchards like the owner claims then the guy who posted it and said it was Blanchards should get his ass sued. My question is do any Stoolies recognize anybody or anything in this video? I haven't been in Blanchards in ages so I couldn't say whether this takes place there or not. According to the owner it did not and I'll take him at his word. But mark my word this is going to be a huge story no matter what.

PS - Look at El Pres and the investigative reporting..He's all grown up now!

NFL.com - New England’s Pro Bowl linebacker Mike Vrabel is in Kansas City undergoing a physical so that he can then be traded to the Chiefs. General Manager Scott Pioli is reaching out to bring in a player familiar with his system, and New England is a willing trade partner.

Update: Mike Reiss has confirmed the trade is true. He emailed Vrabel to ask if the trade was official and "Yes" was the entire reply. The speculation is that this is the first domino to fall of a much larger deal. Stay tuned.

Holy cow. It's an understatement to say this came out of nowhere. Vrabel, possibly more than another other Patriot save Tom Brady, has personified the way the Patriots dynasty was built. The consummate Bill Belichick player. A spare part in Pittsburgh, he was a mid level free agent role player in 2001 that Belichick called the minute the free agency period began. When the two sat down, Vrabel said he was blown away that Belichick could recite chapter and verse the minutae of complex reads that Vrabel made in obscure plays he was involved in. Vrabel signed here and right from the jump established himself as an indispensible part of the Patriots championships. Including on offense where he literally is the only guy in football history of whom you can honestly say "He was a threat to score every time he touched the ball." This is astonishing, news really. And there's still no word on what they might be getting in return. Maybe it means there's something to all those Matt Cassel for Julius Peppers rumors .

Ok we’re probably the only blog in the world that is going to post this clip and I’m sure 99% of our readers probably won’t think it’s funny, but I don't care. As I’ve mentioned before I grew up with Todd McShay.   Lived with him after college blah, blah, blah.    So shit like this still cracks me up.  I mean last night I’m minding my own business blogging and suddenly I hear McShay getting in a shouting match with Mel Kiper Jr on ESPN.   Seriously imagine hearing a buddy you’ve known your entire life suddenly being told to shut up by Mel Kiper?    It’s surreal.   Almost as surreal as the fact that the original Barstool Radio Hour on 1510 the Zone consisted of me, McShay and Elio Imbornone and I was actually paying 1510 for the airtime!   They had a goldmine on their hands and they didn’t even know it.  (Keep in mind Elio is making a name for himself in his own right complaining about dilapidated signs around his pizza shop and shit)    Anyway back to this clip.   Vote for you who you think won.   I’m going with McShay in a landslide.

Vote 1 for Mel Kiper and 10 for McShay

What the hell is this thing? I'm no fitness expert by any means, but I do know my porn. And this IJoy-ride looks like they just chopped the head off the Sybian and called it an exercise machine. Am I right? That's all it is. Although to be fair the Sybian doesn't bounce up and down like a hobby horse outside a grocery store like this thing does, but still the concept is the same. It's just another toy for fat chicks who can't get laid.

Inside Track - New England Patriots superstud Tom Brady - the region’s most eligible bachelor - reportedly tied the knot last night with his supermodel galpal, Gisele Bundchen, in a romantic twilight wedding in California.... The “very small and intimate” gathering consisted mostly of immediate family, including Brady’s parents, Tom Sr. and Gaylen, and 2-year-old son, Jack, by ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan . The 28-year-old bride wore a form-fitting strapless ivory lace gown with a trumpet skirt, scalloped edges, long train and a floor-length veil with attached handmade satin roses and attached satin headband by her favorite designers Dolce & Gabbana, the magazine reported. Her three dogs also wore matching Dolce & Gabbana floral lace collars.

That's how you do things when you wake up every morning and piss excellence. You take this whole business of "Save the Date" cards and wedding invitations and guest lists and you shove them. Brady and Gisele have been looking reporters right in the eye for months now and lying about being engaged. Right up until last week when he was handing out laptops to needy kids, Brady told an interviewer they had no plans whatsoever to jump the broom. Meanwhile, Gisele was in Cali getting the dogs fitted for floral lace collars. Because he lives life like he quarterbacks. You try to take away the deep ball, he'll kill you on the underneath stuff. Try to blitz him, he'll spread 'em 5-wide and make you cover. Go to a dime package, he'll screen you to death or run it down your throat. Can there be any doubt in anyone's mind that as we speak, he's giving Gis the greatest honeymoon sex of all time? I bet he's got his first 15 sexual moves all scripted out with check down options and audibles based on how she reacts. And now he's just sawing her in half. Even Bridget can't do anything but tip her cap and congratulate him on a job well done.

NEW ORLEANS–A Louisiana woman is accused of trading two young children in her care for a pet cockatoo and $175 in cash. Donna Greenwell, 53, is charged with aggravated kidnapping. Also charged are Paul Romero, 46, and Brandy Lynn Romero, 27. Greenwell allegedly called the Romeros about a cockatoo they were selling for $1,500. After hearing the Romeros were unable to have a child, she allegedly offered the five-year-old boy and four-year-old girl for money. The Romeros couldn't afford it, so she agreed to trade the kids for the bird, plus $175.But she had no authority to put the children up for adoption. She's not their mother.

She didn’t have the authority to make the trade because she wasn’t the kids mother?  Talk about getting tripped up on a technicality huh?    I guess that’s what you get for being greedy though.   I mean if she just did the Cockatoo for the two kids straight up she probably would have gotten away with it.  But she had to try and be Scott Boras and push for that extra $175.  Next thing you know people are asking question and digging into her past and find out she doesn’t even own the little fuckers to begin with and boom the deal is off.

PS – Just to clarify. So if this lady was the real mother this trade would have been legal? Interesting. I didn't know you could trade Cockatoo's for children in America. Live and learn I guess.

(buy me)

Back in September, most Vegas sports books had as their over/under for the Bruins point total this season the number 91.5. Well, the Bs surpassed that number last night, as well as making some coin for those wise enough to make the investment, in just their 62nd game (with 20 remaining) after their second straight six-goal outburst at home in a highly entertaining, fight-filled 6-0 whitewashing of the heading-south-for-the-spring Anaheim Ducks. The spanking also gave the Black 'n Gold their 42nd win of the season---one more than they garnered all of last season.
 
After a shitty road trip that saw them win just one of five, the Bruins, with 12 goals in two games, are suddenly like Eddie Murphy's drunken father from perhaps the greatest comedy concert ever, "Delirious": "This is my house...and if you don't like it, you can get the fuck out!" They'll look to make it three in a row during this weekend's hottest ticket in town, as the Russian phenom-led squad from our nation's capital comes to town hoping to pop some D.C. Caps into the Bs' asses.

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Alex Rodriguez was told by the New York Yankees to keep his cousin away from the team. The message was given to the star third baseman on Thursday, said a person familiar with the situation, speaking on condition of anonymity because the team did not make an announcement. The message applied both to spring training and the regular season, the person said. Rodriguez was also told the cousin should not be anywhere the team congregates, which presumably includes the team's hotel when it travels and the ballpark. A day earlier in Dunedin, Rodriguez homered and walked twice before getting into a SUV driven by Yuri Sucart. He's been identified as the cousin who provided Rodriguez with performance-enhancing drugs obtained in the Dominican Republic. Rodriguez admitted using them while playing for the Texas Rangers from 2001-03. Rodriguez acknowledged to the Yankees that having the cousin meet him at the ballpark in Dunedin was a mistake, the person who told The Associated Press about the situation said.

It’s official.  I fucking love Arod.    I mean just when you think he can’t outdo himself he does.   Just when you think he can fit anymore of his foot inside his mouth he manages to stick and entire leg down there.   I’ve literally never seen anything like it.   Seriously how do you get picked up at the park by the very same mystery cousin who was shooting you up at roids like 10 seconds after you held that emotional press conference where it took every ounce of your soul not to break down in tears?   Where were his 62 PR firms that he hired to do damage control when he needed them?   Listen you don’t have to be Regan Communications to figure out what this guy needs to do at this point.   There is no way to protect him from himself.  He’s like a ticking PR time bomb that is set to go off every 30 seconds.  So realistically the only option left is to make business cards with the sad puppy dog face and have them read “I’m sorry” on the back and just give them out to people whenever he fucks up.   Arod gets caught using steroids…puppy dog card…..Aroid gets caught banging Madonna….puppy dog card…..Arod strikes out 30 straight times in the post season….puppy dog card…Arod files for free agency during Game 7 of the World Series….puppy dog card….etc.

Inside Track - ``Gino'' is dead, but Jeremy Fry is Half Way There to replacing him as a fan fave on the Jumbotron at the Celtics games.  The gyrating geek, a Lexington High School senior, has become a YouTube sensation ever since fellow Garden partiers posted footage of him dancing wildly to Bon Jovi's ``Living on a Prayer'' at the Nov. 10 game against the Raptors.  Multiple clips have surfaced on the video-sharing site which show the dancing fool's antics and the in-the-stands booty-shake has been viewed nearly 500,000 times! ``I've danced before, but not in front of that many people and never on camera,'' Fry told the Track as he made his way down Causeway Street to last night's Bruins game. ``I just thought 20,000 would see it and that's it. OK, maybe a few more on YouTube. But 500,000? I haven't checked in about a week.'' Jeremy said after his November performance he got a standing ovation on the subway, and when he attended another game this season, he was recognized in the stands. ``He was just a random fan,'' spokesgal Heather Walker told the Track. ``But the video spread like wildfire and became really popular.''  In fact, the clip is so popular, the Green's game operations peeps plan to replay the footage during tonight's tilt against the Indiana Pacers.    Jeremy, who, sadly, won't be at tonight's game, said he doesn't want to become the new Gino, the disco dancing fool who appears in an ``American Bandstand'' video in the fourth quarter _ if the team is comfortably ahea ``Gino is extremely legendary, I do not compare to Gino,'' said the kid who is looking to study sports management in college next fall.    Jeremy, BTW, lists ``dancing'' and ``cleaning my room (it's really fun when you have the speakers blasting the best of dance songs)'' as two of his favorite activities on Facebook.

Well I guess this thing was real after all huh?    But guess what?  I still don’t believe it.    And to be honest I don’t know if there is anything anybody can ever say or do that will change my mind about this.  (And by believe it I mean believe that it wasn't scripted or that he wasn't planted in the crowd by the C's for this exact reason) But I’ll give this kid credit where credit is due.   He said all the right things in this interview about Gino being a legend and not being able to replace Gino on the jumbotron blah,blah, blah.  But truth be told if this was totally random and unscripted then I do think it deserves to replace Gino as the official jumbotron video of the Celtics.  It's that good.     But I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop with this and find out this was filmed for Napoleon Dynamite II or something like that.   And it wouldn’t shock me if somehow the Red Sox were behind it.  It just reeks of Tom Werner and Larry Lucchino PR bullshit doesn’t it?

Projo - After visiting both the Patriots and Bills over the past few days, it is believed that free agent running back Fred Taylor will sign with New England. Both teams made contract offers to the 11-year veteran, but the Patriots' recent run of success may have tipped the balance for Taylor, who has seen two players close to him -- cousin Santonio Holmes with the Steelers and friend Plaxico Burress with the Giants -- win Super Bowl rings, something Taylor hasn't had a chance to come close to achieving yet.

Team is also very important to Taylor, who offered to take a pay cut in order to stay with Jacksonville, but the Jaguars told him they wanted to get younger at the position when they released him last week.

After sharing the load with Maurice Jones-Drew in recent years, Taylor hasn't taken much of a beating, and he likely has at least three good seasons left in his legs. Though he is one of the most underrated running backs of his era, with just one Pro Bowl nod, Taylor has over 11,000 career yards and a couple more solid seasons could solidify his Hall of Fame credentials.

For the record, this report is being confirmed by Adam Schefter of NFL.com I have to confess that I'm not popping out of my skin about this signing. Not that isn't a good move... it is. There's no downside to it; Taylor can only help, he can't hurt. It's exactly like the Sox picking up John Smoltz. He either comes in with his veterans savvy and leadership and contributes, or you hand him the Irving J. Thalberg Lifetime Achievement Award and send him on his way at no cost to you. So if I have any doubts, it's simply because of his age. Taylor just turned 32. And with very few exceptions, the moment a running back blows out the candles on his 30th birthday cake, he should be put on an ice floe and shoved out to sea. On the other hand, the Pats are likely only looking to have him fill the Lamont Jordan 2nd & short, 12-carries-a-game role. And help light a fire under Laurence Maroney's ass so he maybe he'll finally get over his Restless Leg Syndrome and start hitting the holes. Also, if you look at Taylor's numbers, there's reason to think he's got some tread left on those tires. In 2007 he had a scintillating 5.4 YPC, and that was after reaching Eskimo Funeral age. Anyway, this is one of those high reward/low risk moves that you only get to make when you're the place Hall of Famers want to come to win a ring.

Well let me be the first to offically welcome Gisele Brady to the family! I've always wanted an uber hot sister in law who I can sneaky beat off to at night. Seriously though Gisele if you ever need anything please don't hesitate to call me. We're blood now.

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