Random Thoughts

Hey NC State,

Rutgers says hello!

Introducing Brooke from Boston. Okay in the long and illustrious history of me doing the Local Smokeshow of the Day I've only been tricked once by a fake girl and I kind of knew it when I posted it. Well this may be #2 because once again my bullshit radar is going off. This girl myspaced me out of the blue which is always a little strange. Plus I don't know how you look like this and sneak under my radar for so long. I asked her if she was real and her response was "yeah, are you?" Touche Brooke touche. Anyway her myspace page is all Boston based and she does have a picture of one of our former covers on there, so I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. But it wouldn't shock me if I got scammed either. Regardless she's hot as fuck.

Make it your New Years Resolution to start sending us smokeshow nominations. Send them to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com.

Click for more of Brooke

OrlandoSentinal - A 27-year-old Deltona woman told authorities she bit her husband's penis because she didn't want to have sex with him. Charris Bowers was arrested Saturday by a Volusia County sheriff's deputy, accused of misdemeanor battery. A judge set her free Sunday without requiring her to post bail. According to a sheriff's office report, the Bowerses had been to a bar Friday night. Delou Bowers told authorities that when they got home, his wife began to perform oral sex on him but then began to bite his penis. He tried to stop her, he told a deputy, but she kept at it. He then began to punch her in the head and pushed her to the floor, and she let go, according to the arrest report. Charris Bowers gave the officer two versions of what happened. She first said she was sitting on the couch when her husband walked over and put his penis in her mouth, according to the report. "She then bit it to get him away from her," the report said. She later said her husband walked over with his penis exposed, and she bit it. Either way, the deputy saw the injury, photographed it then arrested Mrs. Bowers.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, when will you learn?  If you don’t want to have sex with your man you don’t give him a blowjob and bite his dick.  That’s just rude.  Instead you simply swallow his load or let him give you a facial.  Everybody knows that.    Because whenever you use too much teeth somebody is going to get arrested or hurt.   It’s been that way since the beginning of time and it’s not going to change anytime soon.

Bostonherald.com - A Portsmouth, N.H., couple yesterday blamed each other for their black and blue Christmas when they got into a violent fight - and arrested - after an argument over a gift of the popular Nintendo video game. Police were called to South Street home where the couple lived with Blom’s grandparents at 1:55 p.m. Christmas day.  Portsmouth police said tempers flared because the boyfriend was smarting over not getting the present he wished for. “Heath Blom wanted a remote-controlled airplane for Christmas, and not the Wii,” said Sgt. Kuffer Kaltenborn. Blom, a flooring contractor, said the cops got it wrong, and that he had asked his grandparents to get him the $1,000 airplane for his birthday next April. “You can’t fly an RC plane in the snow,” he said. But he admitted disparaging the Wii game to his grandma and angering his girlfriend, who accused him of being an ingrate. Blom, still nursing a shiner from the fight, said she called him names “for not liking the Wii.” “He said he hated it. It hurt her feelings,” remarked Young, who said her boyfriend “told his grandparents that he changed his mind” about waiting until his birthday and wanted them to buy him the pricey plane for Christmas. “When he didn’t get the plane, he got really upset. He acted like a 10-year-old kid,” she said. One fight led to another and soon Young was packing her bags. Blom said he got angry when his girlfriend hid the Wii game. “I thought she was walking off with it.”“He dragged me down two flights of stairs, by the hair,” Young said.But Blom said, “I stood in the doorway trying to block her. She punched me in the eye. She punched me three times. I said ‘That’s it.’ And I pulled her hair.”

Wow.   I don’t even know where to start with this one.   I mean are we sure this dude is 24 years old?  Seriously never mind living with your grandparents, but who gets $1,000 dollar Christmas presents from Nana at that age or any age for that matter?   Regardless this guy sounds like the First Lady with this whole booking presents in advance shit.  I swear right now she’s booked like 8 holidays out.    Her birthday present this year was really Christmas 2010 and her Christmas present was a combo of Valentines Day/Birthday 2011.   It’s actually pretty fucking brilliant on her part.  She just buys shit and has me pay for it and says it’s a present.  But then when the actually holiday rolls around I feel bad not having anything so I get her something else and the dance continues.    It seems like that’s what this guy was trying to do with this whole remote control airplane being for his birthday, but still wanting it for Christmas scheme.   Either way a Wii is a pretty solid gift to complain about.  Seems like his girlfriend was justified punching him in the eye. More importantly I wonder what he bought her? I bet he took a page out of Homer Simpson's book and gave her a bowling ball with his name on it or something.

Craigslist

girl to clean my room wearing a Cedric Maxwell jersey (Harvard Sq)

Reply to: gigs-971227007@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-12-27, 2:16PM EST

im looking for a girl to come over and help clean my room while you wear a cedric maxwell jersey. i have the jersey, you just have to wear it. no nude or anything. we'll probably listen to BURN and have NBA tv on

• Location: Harvard Sq
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $50 1 hour

PostingID: 971227007

50 dollars for one hour?   Are you serious dude?    What type of chick will clean your room and possibly get raped for 50 bucks?     I mean you can’t even afford a straight maid service for that.   Unless of course she gets to keep the Max shirt.  Then it’s a fair deal rape or no rape.    

PS – It’s my experience that nothing sets the mood like lighting a couple candles and turning on a NBA TV in the background.   Not even joking.  Chicks go wild for that type of stuff.

- thanks to Don Chavez for the tip

ProFootballTalk: Browns owner Randy Lerner — who met with the media Monday on the condition that there be no cameras or tape-recording devices present — said that... the Browns will focus on hiring a G.M.  Lerner said he has already sought permission to interview Patriots V.P. of player personnel Scott Pioli... Per Mary Kay Cabot of the Cleveland Plain Dealer, Lerner “appeared interested” when hearing that the Jets had fired head coach Eric Mangini.

And so it begins. It's said that the most popular sport in America is the NFL season, and the second most popular is the NFL offseason. And the offseason hasn't begun until frustrated owners start firing firing their coaches and front office people and trying to pilfer Bill Belichick's staff. And a season in which Belichick's star chamber produced 11 wins with a nobody at quarterback and a roster cobbled together out of undrafted rookies and 39 year olds who were home working on their Canton induction speeches hasn't made his inner circle any less attractive. The rest of the NFL is so desperate to graft Belichick's DNA onto their team that even a duplicitous, snivelling little failure like Eric Mangini draws interest just because he used to fetch coffee during the Patriots coaching staff's game planning sessions.

Obviously trying to transplant the Pats success doesn't always work out. With the coward Mangini and poor Romeo Crennel being Exhibits A & B. But look at Atlanta where Tom Dimitroff, who last year was watering the plants in Belichick's office, is about to win the NFL Executive of the Year award. So now teams are making their annual run at the Pats Holy Grail, Scott Pioli. As always, I hope it doesn't happen, but even if Pioli takes another job, there's only one indispensible man in Foxboro. He's the one everyone hates, but he's also the one they all can't stop trying to emulate.

TAMPA - Melissa J. Berry doesn't mind prancing around in public in her underwear. But the 24-year-old model and lingerie football league player draws the line at a former boyfriend - a safe dating expert - posting nude and intimate photos of her on the Internet. Berry sued her former paramour Mark C. Dawson in Hillsborough County Circuit Court today, saying he tried to extort, humiliate and hurt her by showing the photographs to her mother and friends and posting them on MySpace.com without her permission. She said he should know better because he markets himself as an expert on "healthy relationships" who has studied "success, performance and human behavior for over 25 years." Berry, a rookie linebacker with the Tampa Breeze franchise of the Lingerie Football League, said she and Dawson, 45, started dating this fall. She said in her lawsuit that Dawson used his cellular telephone to take several nude photographs of her, including one taken without her knowledge of her "engaged in a particularly private, intimate sexual act." The lawsuit contends that her destroying the cell phone was "an obvious indication" Berry wanted the images to remain private, especially to a motivational speaker who specializes in communication; interpreting body language and mixed signals; and promoting respect and personal responsibility. "I am scared of what he will do to my career," she said.

Ah it’s a story as old as time itself.  An innocent small town girl/stripper/middle linebacker moves to the big city and is taken advantage of by a fast talking safe dating expert.   But don’t blame yourself Melissa.    It can happen to the best of us.  I mean how were you supposed to know that your boyfriend would show those naked camera phone pictures to other people?    Nobody could have seen that one coming so stop beating yourself up about it.   You did all you could.  You destroyed the camera.  After that it’s in god’s hands.    But don’t worry; your career won’t be defined by this. Because it’s not what the media says about you that counts.   It’s what you do between the lines.  It’s how many lap dances you give on Saturday and how many tackles you had on Sunday that will make or break you in fast paced world of stripping and lingerie bowl football.  

(Typical Duke scumbag)

Boston.com - juicycampus.com has taken college gossip to a new level, transmitted instantly and anonymously. Students can post whatever they please - true or false, trivial or traumatizing - about whomever they please. The result is a free-for-all message board that makes bathroom scribbles look like kid's play. The website was started 15 months ago on seven campuses and has spread to 500 colleges. Boston is a particularly busy locale, since it hosts 300,000 college students on dozens of campuses. Matt Ivester, a 2005 graduate of Duke University, founded Juicy Campus, whose slogan is "C'mon. Give us the juice." The site states: "This is the place to spill the juice about all the crazy stuff going on at your campus. It's totally anonymous - no registration, login, or email verification required."

I feel like I already talked about this website last year, but the Globe had an article on it today.   Now obviously I consider myself a pretty liberal guy when it comes to the Internet.   I’m from the school of thought that anything you put online is fair game for a smut publisher like myself to post on his blog.   But having said that I think Juicy Campus totally crosses the line and Matt Ivester should be tossed in jail and anally raped by some gross dude.  Because to start a website that’s only function is to allow people to anonymously bash each other is a total scumbag and pussy move.   Listen this chump can talk until he’s blue in the face about how people aren’t supposed to say mean shit on his site, but everybody knows that’s the whole point of it.  He just set up a message board that’s sole purpose is give people a forum to spew hate and ruin people’s lives.   Listen if somebody wants to talk shit I have no problem with it. Step up to the plate, be a man and say who you are when you leave a comment.   But hiding behind a computer screen and being a little pussy is as low as it gets.  And no matter what this clown says he is the enabler that not only lets it happen but encourages it to happen. It's like giving a loaded gun to somebody and whispering in their ear to shoot somebody and then saying you had nothing to do with it.  Seriously I hope somebody goes mental and stabs this guy in the heart because that’s exactly what he deserves.  

Thanks to a washed-up "gunslinger" with no bullets left in the proverbial chamber, the Bruins can once again go back to being the #1 contact sport in Boston. (Sorry fellow Pats fans. The rules are the same for everyone. Our team came up short after a supremely valiant effort.). The beasts of the east continued their winning ways this weekend, knocking off a tough Carolina team on Friday (4-2) and keeping a scrappy Thrasher outfit at bay yesterday (2-1).
 
After falling behind 1-0 in Carolina, emerging Calder candidate Blake Wheeler knocked home two in a row (his 13th and 14th) to put the Bs ahead a game in which they were thoroughly outplayed. The Bs trailed 17-9 in shots halfway through the affair. The former Whale knotted it just prior to the 3rd by merely outhustling the Bruins. But soon-to-be-All-Star Marc Savard overcame a shit gig by setting up Mike Ryder for his game-winning 13th. Kobasew's ENG would seal the W. Tank Thomas was his usual stellar self.

Click for the rest of the blog
 

 

"I've advocated for years that it's OK for dudes to do things together. I'm fine going to the spa and getting massaged with my buddy. I quite like it."

- Producer of Bromance Ryan Seacrest

Can you believe that some PR bitch actually had the balls to send me an email asking if we'd cover this show on Barstool Sports? I mean did she really think we'd say nice things about this? I take that as a personal fucking insult. Yeah I like reality TV and MTV as much as the next guy, but even I have my limits. I mean this is the dumbest, most pathetic show I've ever seen in my life. Yes even worse than the Wilmer Valderrama battle rap show from a couple years ago and those are fighting words! This honestly makes me embarrassed to be a man living in America. Honestly how big of a loser do you have to be to want to compete to become "boys" with Brody Jenner and T Sleazy? Well maybe I would do it for T Sleazy, but certainly not Brody Jenner. I mean it was one thing when Paris Hilton did this because it was with hot bitches and hot bitches have no friends. But if you're a dude and you have no friends that just means you are a loser. Seriously when will Brody Jenner learn? He already failed miserably with Princes of Malibu and now this. Get it through you're fucking head already pretty boy. Nobody cares about you except hot chicks and the Estate. Yawn.

Click Here For the Answer

*Things to consider while wondering, for the first time in my life, if maybe the BCS really DOES have the best system:

*Because if the NFL playoff berths were decided by polls, computers, committees and power rankings, the Pats would be at least a #3-seed. They played in a BCS conference, had strength of schedule in their favor, they had a late season win against a ranked team (Miami) and won their last four games by a combined 133-54. I know rules is rules and this is an exercise in futility. It's just that after the year they've had, I feel like the Patriots players, coaches, their families and fans deserve the right to go get drunk in the sun someplace. Hell, even Charlie Weis got that.

*Lost in all this is that the Patriots went on the road and threw a shutout, which is unheard of in this league, regardless of the weather. That's remarkable, especially when you look at that lineup. No Richard Seymour. No Bruschi. And they did it with virtually no substituting on defense. Mike Wright got in there on occasion, and I saw Deltha O'Neal in for Jonathan Wilhite in the 4th, but when the defensive snaps stats come out today I won't be surprised if five or six guys played every down. Especially when you consider two of those guys were out of football at Thanksgiving, that is an amazing bit of gut-checkery.

*I guess we should be grateful the refs let the Pats get in the endzone without giving them an Unsportsmanlike penalty. I half expected them to flag Lamont Jordan for "Using the Wind as a Prop." I still expect the head of the NFL's Placating the Gamblers Dept. Mike Periera to announce a fine later today.

To read the rest of this exercise in futility, click here...

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Obviously this is the last of the Knee Jerk's until next year. Believe it or not it's a lot of work to write one of these and hearing guys tell you they look forward to reading it every week is a pretty good incentive to put the effort in. I also appreciate having my brother Jack around to steal ideas from. And El Pres for not minding that I was too depressed/hungover after going to the Jets game to submit anything. Thanks to all.

Philly.com - A South Philadelphia man enraged because a father and son were talking during a Christmas showing of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button took care of the situation when he pulled a .380-caliber gun and shot the father, police said.  Police were called to the Riverview Theatre in the 1400 block of Columbus Boulevard about 9:30 p.m. where the gunshot victim, a Philadelphia man who was not identified, told police a man sitting near him told his family to be quiet and threw popcorn at his son. After exchanging words, Vanore said Cialella allegedly got out of his seat to confront the family when the father got up to protect them. That's when the victim was shot once in the left arm, sending others in the theatre running to safety. Cialella then sat down to watch the movie. Police arrived a short time later and arrested Cialella and confiscated his weapon, Vanore said.

This is one of the toughest “Does This Look Like The Face of” questions we’ve ever posed on the Stool.   Because yes this does looks like the face of a man who would shoot somebody for talking during a movie or just shoot people in general.   But at the same time I don’t think it looks like the face of a man who would go to the opening night of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button either.  I guess you can never underestimate the popularity of Brad Pitt.   In any event, this is a total miscarriage of justice.   I mean it’s not like this dude just walked up and shot the dad for no reason.   He followed the 3 steps of movie etiquette.

1. Ask them nicely to be quiet
2. Throw popcorn at them
3. Pop a cap in their ass.

So if anybody should have gotten arrested here it should have been the family that wouldn’t shut the fuck up.  Seriously it’s a sad day when you can’t even shoot somebody for talking at the movies anymore.  Sad day indeed.

FOXSports.com has learned that the Jets have fired head coach Eric Mangini.Players began getting calls from team officials this morning informing them of the move, telling them that it will be announced at 10 a.m. ET and that GM Mike Tannenbaum, who appears to be safe, will be addressing the team at noon. The Jets suffered an abysmal collapse, which unfortunately is nothing new for the organization. Owner Woody Johnson, following yesterday's loss to the Dolphins, was visibly upset and agitated, a definite swerve for the normally even-keeled owner.

Oh what a shame. This couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Seriously though, nobody in the history of earth has ever deserved to get fired from a job more than Eric Mangini deserved to get fired from this one. I mean maybe if he spent more time worrying about the Jets and less time obsessing about us it would have turned out differently. But probably not. Because just like Belichick told him when he left, Mangini wasn't ready for this. He was just a little fat helpless boy in a man's world. Either way I can't wait to see him come groveling back to Belichick and beg him for a job. And I hope we give him one too just so we can treat him like a slave for the next five years. Maybe if he's lucky he can work his way back up to the "Get Back" coach by 2020.

Don't blame UB for having to Wake Up with a Dolphins cheerleader this morning, blame the fucking J-E-T-S. Sure UB was dumb enough to make a bet on Gang Green that has resulted in Lilly's aperance in the Stool, but it was really Bret FAH-V-RUH's failure to throw a 4th pick. UB knew that the most overrated player in the history of the NFL would prove to be a true Jet...UB just thought he had one more pick left in him...

(Steve B is on suicide watch...)

So here's Dolphin cheerleader Lilly Robbins with a few more shots of Dolphin ass to fill out the page...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com