Random Thoughts

Yup it’s official.  The Yankees just inked Barstool Sports pseudo blogger Pete Manzo to a long term contract worth millions.   When reached for comment on the deal GM Brian Cashman said there were two major factors in the decision.  First Manzo looks like a young Phil Rizzuto so they couldn’t risk letting somebody like that get away.  And #2 he was available.   Then using that same trademark “he was available” logic that has made Cashman one of the most respected GM’s in the game, he went on to sign former Blue Jay’s pitcher AJ Burnett.    Whether any of this will actually help the Yankees win games remains to be seen. But Cashman does seem confident that all these signings will ensure the team has enough moving parts and malcontents to at least match the clubhouse disharmony that has plagued the team for the past decade.

If this doesn't get you pumped up to lay some pipe this weekend than nothing will! Give em hell everybody!

PS - I never dedicate videos to anybody because it's lame, but this one totally goes out to the Carney cousins who I know will be eating this shit up.

New Mexico- The District Attorney's Office said the head of a prostitution ring extorted money from racing legend Al Unser Jr. with claims of a compromising video tape. Unser was named as one of two extortion victims in a 137-count indictment against the suspected Albuquerque pimp. The suspect, 47-year-old Bobby McMullin, was arrested last May. Police say he ran an internet escort service that was actually a prostitution ring. The DA's office said McMullin told Unser he had video of the racing legend in a "compromising position." McMullin allegedly asked Unser for $750,000, or he would release the tape to the public. The DA doesn't know how much money Unser ended up paying.

For starters, is the Albuquerque DA's Office serious? There are internet escort services that are in reality operating as prostitution rings? Does this happen in other cities or just there? That's some top notch detective work there.

Secondly, the thing I can't figure out about this story is why Al Unser, Jr. would deem it necessary to pay extortion to hide his prostition use. You're Al goddamned Unser, Jr. You're the redneck hero son of a redneck hero father. Of course you solicit prostitutes, that's what auto racers do. Next thing you know someone will blackmail Al Jr. for drinking SoCo, cussin' and watching Dukes of Hazard reruns on CMT. Besides, I think we're all mature enough to understand that when you're motorsports royalty, like Chef said, you don't pay a prostitute to have sex with you, you pay her to go away afterwards. No the only way this story makes sense is if the "compromising position" Unser was caught in was getting dildoed like that Swedish hockey player. That's something you'd probably want to keep from your fans. And your wheelchair bound daughter who ,by the way, is kind of hot.

The Celtics destroyed the Wizards (despite a horrendous 3rd quarter) and set the franchise record for the best start to a season: 21-and-2. But that won't mean shit if there's something wrong with KG's right knee. Did you notice the gigantic white sleeve he was wearing in this game? I couldn't take my eyes off that thing. Garnett has worn a smaller, black sleeve on the knee this season. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe the trainer lost it, had to borrow one from the Wizards and they gave him that soft-cast as a joke. But I swear KG was walking and running with a hitch in his step. This team is so good, only a serious injury to one of the Big 3 can stop them. The injury gods have fucked with us enough this year (see Ortiz, Beckett, the entire Patriots roster, Taylor Twellman).

The NBA is rigging the All-Star voting. It's also possible the fans in other cities are really, really dumb. That's the only way you can explain the results. Stiffs like Luke Ridnour are getting more votes than Rajon Rondo. Allen Iverson and Vince Carter are getting more votes than Paul Pierce and Ray Allen.

Back to the Wizards for a moment. Playing them is a good excuse to break out pictures of their cheerleaders playing grab-ass and wearing hot outfits.

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Chuck - Red's Army

Reader Email

EP

Is this toilet cake I made jr for his 10^th birthday lame?

I’m thinking without the mini yellow m&m’s as corn it would be lame but the corn riddled stool may push it to not lame.

Name withheld to protect jr

So I guess this is what happens when Stoolies become fathers? You get toilet birthday cakes with corn sprinkled in the dumps. Am I crazy or does 10 seem a little young for this? I mean why not give him a pussy cake?

Anyway vote 1 for lame and 10 for not lame. As a reminder it needs a 5 or above for the free tshirt.

Do people really want the Sox to sign Mark Teixeira?   I know this sounds like a dumb question, but if we get him that probably means that Mike Lowell is gone right?   I mean there are only 3 spots for Teixeira, Lowell, Youk and Papi so somebody will be the odd man out.  Assuming I’m right about this I have a hard time accepting this deal.  Listen I fully realize that Sox would improve the franchise by signing Teixeira.    But is sacrificing Lowell worth it?   The guy has been nothing but nails since he arrived.  Not to mention the fact he took a hometown discount to stay here just last off-season.    And this is how we say repay him?    By kicking him to the curb the second a bigger fish becomes available?   It sucks.   I guess I don’t blame Theo because this is the state of professional sports.   Players have no loyalty to teams and teams have no loyalty to players.    That was crystal clear with this new regime the second they stabbed Nomar in the back.   But it still hurts when you find a guy like Mike Lowell who is loyal and puts his money where his mouth is to stay only to screw him before the ink is even dry on his contract.    And the funny thing is I feel like 99% of Red Sox Nation has no problem with it.  Everybody is drooling over the prospect of getting Mark Teixeira.   That’s fine but don’t complain like a little whussy next time we’re on the other side of the fence and lose a player because he got offered 10 cents more to play somewhere else.   You can’t have your cake and eat it to.  

PS – I hope I’m wrong about what a Teixeira signing would mean for Lowell, but I’d rather not even take the risk of finding out.  If that means we don’t win a World Series in the next 5 years because of it than so be it.   I don’t think it’s that big of a difference, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take to keep Mike Lowell in town.     

WILLMAR, Minn. - A 50-year-old man who told authorities he was fed up with teens toilet-papering his house decided to defend his property — with a squirt gun filled with fox urine.  Now, Scott Wagar is in trouble with the law. Wagar pleaded not guilty on Wednesday in Kandiyohi County District Court to misdemeanor assault and other charges. He was released on personal recognizance. According to police, Wagar was on his property Sept. 16 when he used night vision goggles to see 15-20 people running toward his place. He told police that he told them to leave, swore at them and sprayed them with the fox urine. He also allegedly struggled with one of the teens.

Fox urine?   Really?   Can I ask a stupid question?  Why not use human urine?   I mean wouldn’t it be easier to fill your super soaker with your own piss rather than trying to get a fox to take a leak into a squirt gun?   Anyway you kind of got to give these teenagers some credit.   Listen if I’m getting ready to teepee a guy’s house and see him suddenly coming at me with night vision goggles and a super soaker filled with fox urine, I abort that mission so fast it would make your head spin.   Some things just aren’t worth fighting for and this is one of them.  Either way this dude didn’t deserve to get arrested.    If you attack his house he has the right to defend it anyway he sees fit.    If that mean open firing fox piss on people than so be it.

PS - What’s the deal with night vision goggles? Now that I live in the Dot and my car gets broken into every other second I’ve been on the hunt for a pair.  Can you buy that shit at Rite Aid?     

ESPN- According to multiple sources within the Dallas Cowboys, there is an emerging internal conflict involving three of the team's highest-profile stars. As the preseason Super Bowl favorites struggle in the final month of the season to simply make the playoffs, wide receiver Terrell Owens has expressed resentment toward Tony Romo, apparently jealous of the quarterback's relationship with tight end Jason Witten. Owens thinks Romo and Witten -- close friends and road roommates who came to Dallas in the same offseason -- hold private meetings and create plays without including Owens, according to a source who speaks regularly with Owens' teammates. Owens believes these discussions have worked to his detriment and Romo seeks to deliver the ball to Witten regardless of whether Owens is open... Owens told The Dallas Morning News: "I'm not jealous of Witten. I'm not jealous of nobody... I just want to win... I just talked to Jason about Tony reading the whole play because other people are open besides Witten."

If you hate the Cowboys as much as I do, this story is Christmas come early. Remember how earlier in the year things were going swimmingly for Dallas they were in the discussion as one of the elite teams in football, and we kept hearing how there'd be no TO-pisodes this season because he finally had a QB who was on the same page as him? Now he's running to the Offensive Coordinator crying that Romo and Witten are BFFs now and texting each other all the time and talking in a secret code they made up that only they understand and it's not fair. Hilarious. Especially when you consider that Owens has had more passes thrown his way than any other Cowboy. And he isn't even claiming that Witten is covered, just that "other people are open besides" him. This is exactly the kind of circus Jerry Jones wanted in Dallas, under the delusion that this sort of chaos helped the Cowboys win in the 90's. But this current team is not to be confused with those. The 90's Cowboy teams weren't concerned with individual stats. They only cared about winning, drugs and group sex with hot chicks. And in Jimmy Johnson they had the perfect coach for managing the controversy. Wade Phillips is a buffoon who's forever cursed for the time he benched Doug Flutie in the playoffs and he's completely incapable of putting out this fire.

Anyway, I love this story not just because it's the beginning of the end of TO's Cowboys career. But also because it's a chance to point out to the people who have questioned Randy Moss' commitment this year (I still love you Mike Felger) that Wes Welker leads the NFL in receptions but Moss'hasn't said word one about his own number of touches this year. Straight Cash, Homey.

Bostonherald.com - The down-on-their-luck Dorchester Eagles Pop Warner team - who just weeks ago pleaded with the public for donations to allow them to go to Florida for a championship game - were kicked out of their Sunshine State hotel after they got in a tussle with another midget team, according to a Pop Warner spokesman. The Dorchester Eagles, aged 11 to 15, and the Edgewood Eagles of Rhode Island were kicked out of their Disney hotel in Orlando on Thursday after the two teams got into a physical fight in the hotel cafeteria, said Pop Warner spokesman Jason Howarth. “It was multiple members of the Dorchester Eagles midget team assaulting people affiliated with the Edgewood Eagles,” including players, he said.

That’s right motherfucker!   Football, fighting and robbing!   That’s what we do in the Dot!  Intimidate and dominate!   Take no prisoners!   Beat mother fuckers down! We just like the “U” back when there were no rules and they wore camouflage to the Orange Bowl!   We’ll crush you on the field and then we'll mug your ass in the cafeteria after it’s over just for fun and your Ipod.

It’s great to be a Dorchester Eagle!

It’s great to be a Dorchester Eagle!

It’s great to be a Dorchester Eagle!

I’m not a big Aubrey O’Day fan.  Yeah I thought she was kind of hot on the first season of Making the Band, but then she just kept getting skankier and skankier until I was almost repulsed by her.     Now having said that I would still go to Estate if they had a “Give Aubrey a Facial Night.” Seriously this is a no brainer if you ask me.  I guarantee you it would be like 100 times more popular than having Doug from the Hills show up like they do every other week.  And the funny thing is I bet Aubrey would be actually be down for it too.   Because you just know this bitch loves getting her shit degredated.

Bostonherald.com - With his five-year contract set to end Dec. 31, WEEI sports honcho Glenn Ordway told listeners yesterday that he was going on vacation for the rest of the year - and that “this could very well be my last day here.” “I am hoping that it is not,” Ordway said at the end of “The Big Show.” “We are still in conversation. We are trying to come to an agreement and hopefully we’ll be able to do that between now and the end of the year,” he said.  “It’s been a great run. I’m hoping that the run will continue on into ’09 and well beyond that,” he said. WEEI owner Entercom is being threatened with delisting by the New York Stock Exchange because the company’s stock price has dipped below a dollar. The company is also considering a wage freeze in 2009.Entercom was better off financially when they struck a deal with WEEI morning-drive duo John Dennis and Gerry Callahan in 2007 after weeks of heated contract talks.

You got to figure this is a tough spot for Glenn Ordway.  Listen I think he does a good job with the Big Show.   But does he really think the ratings will suffer if he leaves?    He’d have to be a total idiot to believe that.  WEEI has proven time and again that it doesn’t matter who they stick on these shows because they will still get huge numbers.   This isn’t PTI we’re talking about where if Wilbon or Kornheiser aren’t there the show suddenly becomes unwatchable.   Ordway isn't unusually funny or creative or anything like that.   All he does is talk sports in a sports crazy town on the only sports station in the city.   Michael Felger and about a billion other guys could step in tomorrow and the show wouldn’t miss a beat.  The bottom-line is that with or without Ordway the afternoon drive time radio show on WEEI is always going to be a monster.    Him taking credit for the ratings is like Jerry Remy taking credit for the ratings of Red Sox games.  People are going to listen or watch no matter what.   So how can Ordway negotiate a big deal with Entercom when he knows they’re broke and when push comes to shove they don’t really need him?   My advice to the Big O would be to come to grips with the fact that he’s totally and completely replaceable and accept similar money to what he was already making and consider himself lucky.   And I'm sure that's exactly what will happen since he really has no other options.

MONROE - The case of a Monroe High School teacher charged with indecent exposure after being accused of having sex with a male high school student in a parked vehicle has been set for trial on Feb. 19... Kelly Abdo, 27... was fired from the district in July after she was accused of having sex with two male students. The charge stems from an incident in mid-May outside a house party on Riverview Avenue. Two high school boys who attended the party told sheriff investigators they saw Ms. Abdo and an 18-year-old student having intercourse in the teenager's parked car on the public roadway. According to police reports, the student subsequently admitted to having sex with the teacher in the car as well as other times, including at the teenager's home.

The 18-year-old told investigators Ms. Abdo later contacted him and asked him to destroy bedding in the home, reports said. Authorities eventually obtained the teacher's DNA on bedding taken from the home... The police reports said Ms. Abdo became the focus of a sheriff's office complaint in early March after a student told deputies the teacher was having a sexual relationship with another male student.... Ms. Abdo is married.

Authorities searched the Luna Pier home of Ms. Abdo in June, seized the former teacher's computer [which had been] used to search the Internet for information on "DNA evidence and how to remove it from crime scenes and clothing." Searches also were conducted on the following topics: "sex laws between teachers and students under 18 in Michigan," "DNA forensic evidence," "registered sex offender," "sex offender laws," "subpoenaing text message records," and "how long text messages are stored."

Since I've been chronicling Sex Scandal Teacher's here, the response has been very positive. Still, I worry sometimes that it might get played out. That there are so many teachers having sex with their students that it might stop being special. Then this segment will turn into one of those recurring character skits on SNL that they keep on doing long after it stopped being funny like the Falconer or Bill Brasky. Then a woman like Kelly Adbo comes along and reminds you why you got into this business in the first place. She's hot. She's an exhibitionist. She's married for crissakes. She's a serial adultress with a penchant for seducing high school boys. She's motivated enough to research how to have sex with teenagers and get away with it, but too reckless to delete her Google search history. Kelly Ann Adbo, you've given me a renewed outlook on life. Thank you.

The Grades:
Looks: These are the only two photos of Kelly in existence. But on the basis of them, she's a unanimous first team Sex Teacher All-American. Grade: A.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: All you lesser depraved educators take note. Intercourse with Stifler in his car while Finch and Jimbo and a house full of their friends look on is the kind of legendary performance we're looking for. Grade: A+.
Intangibles: She left her DNA all over the kid's bed. Wondering what form the DNA came in is the stuff dreams are made of. Grade: A.
Overall: A. (Thanks to Chris K for being first with the story.)

So these are the new road uniforms huh? Basically the same road uniforms from the mid 80's except they got a patch now and the last name on them. Wait a minute, did the old road uniforms have the last name on them too? I can't remember? Either way I like these. Plus it gives Shank the chance to compare them to 1986 and say they are cursed now which is always nice. Now as far as the alternate uniforms go, I think those are kind of gross, but Lucchino has to eat right? In any event I still think the Sox kind of dropped the ball here. I mean if you're going to switch things up how do you not break out the shirts from the 70's? Those things were sick. I bet those puppies would fly off the shelf.

More of the country music song bird here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com