Random Thoughts

Can you believe it's already December? Neither can UB. If there's any consolation to 120 days of shitty weather, it's the 2008 Advent Calendar. Once again your Uncle Buck will be releasing a new Christmas related photo as we count down the 25 days til the big day. Hopefully UB can top last year's calendar, but to be honest it's up to the Stoolies. Submit your best X-Mas related material to Ub@barstoolsports.com and help keep the ol' Yul Log burning...Merry Christmas ya bastards...

Introducing Angela the pride of Bryant University. I'd just like to clarify that just because I prefer Brunettes doesn't mean you can't submit blondes for our smokeshow of the day. We don't discriminate against hotness.

Send all smokeshow nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

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SHREVEPORT, LA  (KSLA) -  32 year old Anna Davis, a special needs teacher at Benton High School faces a charge of felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile.  She reportedly admitted to Bossier Parish Sheriff's Deputies that she had sex with a fifteen year old boy.  Ed Baswell with the Bossier Parish Sheriff's Office says that while being questioned Davis said "I'm in love with him, and I want to marry him". "I don't know if she understood exactly what she was doing," says Baswell.      The alleged victim is not a Benton High School student, he's a student in Caddo Parish. Davis reportedly met him through his father.  "It came to light when she made a phone call to the boys father saying she had a sexual relationship with his son, the boys father then picked up the phone and called the head of security with the Bossier Parish School Board," says Baswell.   The Bossier Parish Sheriff's Office was then notified, and Davis was arrested. She faces ten years if convicted.

What isn't mentioned in the story but is being reported elsewhere is that the reason Anna Davis was on the phone with the kid's father in the first place is that he was her boyfriend. Every time you think it's all been done before... that there's nothing new under the pedophile teacher sun... someone like Anna does pioneering work in the field. As far as we know this is the first case of a teacher seducing student she met through dating his dad. And not coincidentally, it's the first time I can recall the kid's dad being the one who ratted the teacher out. In every other case the father is just proud of his boy for being such a ladies man, but I guess I see where the guy's coming from here.

The Grades:
Looks: She's nothing great, but you'd do it. And I'm guessing in Shreveport, LA she's a Local Smokeshow. Grade: C.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: The kid she's cheating on her boyfriend is her potential stepson. What more need be said? Grade: A.
Intangibles: The fact that the kid doesn't attend her school takes away from the story somehow. I can't explain it, it just is. Grade: C.
Overall: C+.

Reader Email

EP

This monster was built during a wicked Blizzard in 2001 at Stonehill.  It took me and my buddies Lomac and Russo about 12 hours and 20 beers each.  His buttons and face are made out of an assortment of 40's.  This picture doesnt include the snowmans own fridge we made for the beers.

Hit 'em straight
--
Mike Barry

Wait a minute. Are you telling me there was a beer fridge in this snowman and you didn't capture it on camera? Are you shitting me? I mean that's kind of important when trying to win a "Not Lame" contest right? Because as it stands this is just a huge ass snowman. I think the fridge may have pushed it over the edge, but I guess only time will tell. Okay Stoolies it's time to vote. Is this giant snowman lame?

Vote 1 for lame and 10 for not lame. If it gets a ranking over a 5 Mike wins a tshirt.

Ron Borges in the Herald- It looked bad and surely it felt worse, but Ryan Clark’s explosive hit on Wes Welker on Sunday was neither illegal nor unnecessary. It was a consequence of what pro football is and what Welker has done to opposing teams the past few seasons. Most importantly, it was within the rules. When the Steelers free safety all but split the tiny wide receiver in half as he ran across the face of Pittsburgh’s defense, it felt like you could hear the collision in the stands. It looked even worse on television as a slowing Welker was leveled by a speeding bullet who threw his shoulder into the receiver’s body as Matt Cassel’s errant pass twisted in the air behind him. It was gruesome, yet Patriots[ team stats] fans and radio talk show hosts who chattered on about how Clark “launched himself” at Welker, leaving his feet and throwing his shoulder illegally, are wrong. They, like Donovan McNabb, do not know the rules.

“A lot of people think it’s a foul to leave your feet,” NFL vice president of officiating Mike Pereira said yesterday from New York. “Launching is not a foul... It is a foul to hit with your helmet against a defenseless receiver. It is a foul to throw a forearm into the neck or head area of your opponent. I don’t think either of those things happened." ...Rodney Harrison makes the same hit on Marvin Harrison, everyone from Portland to Providence is crowing, “That’s Patriot football!” Let the collision be in the other direction and it is dirty football.

For openers, how long has Ron Borges been writing for the Herald? Does everyone know about this? Wow, their circulation must be through the roof now. The convicted serial plagarist has been away for awhile but he hasn't changed a bit. There's still nothing that makes Ol' Ron's nipples harder than the notion of a Patriots player getting laid out. Just read that first paragraph an explosive hit that split the tiny recevier in half delivered by a speeding bullet. He wrote that like a Penthouse Forum letter. But his hatred for the Patriots is still only exceeded by his contempt for their fans. Yup, he's sure got us pegged. We're still the same rules-ignorant nitwits we always were. We "chatter on" about how great the Pats are. We "crow" when the Pats deliver cheap shots and say "That's Patriot football!" And every time things don't go our way it's "dirty football." We suck so much it's a wonder Ron even continues to grace us with his presence.

Of course there's one thing both Mr. Copy & Paste and Mike Periera from the NFL's Ministry of Truth failed to mention, and it's that the referees on the field called a penalty on the play. "Unneccessary Roughness, delivering a hit on a defenseless reciever" if I remember the exact call. Which is "illegal" is it not? Not to "chatter on" about this, but is Pereria saying the call was wrong? After watching this replay? By his own admission, the ball was on the ground. Welker was turned watching the flight of the ball, which is not only his job, but I'm pretty sure it's the NFL rules book definition of "defenseless." So let me ask the same question the Plagarist does: What if that hit had been delivered by Rodney Harrison on the decent, non-violent Marvin Harrison? The NFL wouldn't send its VP of Officiating around doing PR for him, that's for goddamned sure.

PS. Welker practiced today. How you like them apples? That's Patriots football, bitches.

These pictures of Britney Spears are from yesterday when she performed on the Today show.    Can you fucking believe it?   I mean these could have been taken in Brit’s prime and nobody would have known the difference.   Seriously this is like Pedro showing up to Spring Training next year and suddenly throwing 99 mph again.   It’s a great message to all the chicks out there that were once pretty and now are ugly.  It’s never too late to develop an eating disorder and hit the gym.   I mean if Britney can make herself look like this again than so can you.    So no more excuses gross bitches!  Get off the couch and make something of yourself!    It’s just such a shame that Britney had kids though because as far as I know there are still no exercises in the world that can tighten a chick's magic part once the dam has broken.

Well another day and another former Barstool girl making a name for themselves.  This time it is our May 16^th 2007 cover model Brittany who apparently was just won the title of Paris Hilton’s New Best Friend on MTV.    I wonder if that means Paris is coming to our parties from now on?   Anyway I guess it just goes to prove what I’ve always said about the Stool.   Nothing launches careers like Barstool Sports.   Although I got to be honest I couldn’t even get Brittany to take her pants off during her photo shoot with us.   She said she didn’t want to be portrayed like that.   A month later I saw her in a bikini contest shot gunning beers in lingerie.   I knew right then and there that I didn’t push hard enough on the pants issue.  Oh well live and learn.    So congrats to Brittany on her new found fame as Paris Hilton’s New Best Friend.  Next up for the Stool.  Capturing the Miss America title...

PS - I should totally do a "Be El Presidente's Best Friend Contest". Motherfuckers would be flying across country for a chance to win that shit. I mean who wouldn't want to ride in the Astrovan with me, deal with angry smokeshow dads, try to motivate Manzo to blog more and help ship shirts?It's 100% pure adrenaline.

As a reminder tonight is the opening night of Barstool Trivia at Game On!     Bitches better show up!   Seriously this is a fun night and we need a big crowd so hopefully everybody can make it.    It starts at 8pm.      See you there!

Winning team gets 50 bucks and Barstool tshirts. Not sure which ones yet though. I like to build up the suspense.

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From Boston.com

Pedroia agrees to $40.5m extension

CAPE CORAL, Fla. - A 9-year-old boy takes his dad on a beer run, and now his father is charged with child abuse. According to the police report Joshua Fagan thought he was playing it safe. He says he was too drunk to drive and that's why he let his young son take the wheel instead. Fagan is facing child abuse charges for letting his son make a beer run... A Cape Coral police officer ended the joy ride after he saw the truck crossing over its lane and back into the median on Wilmington Parkway. When he pulled the truck over, he noticed a 9-year-old behind the wheel. They were three blocks from home. The report doesn't say whether the three made it to a liquor store, but an officer discovered an open case of beer in the truck's backseat. Fagan told the officer he "didn't do anything wrong."

Sometimes you just can't win. Would the Cape Coral PD rather have Joshua Fagan driving drunk? It sounds to me like he was trying to do the responsible thing and stay off the road so he took the safest option available to him. If he drove in his condition and got pulled over, no one was going to give a break and say "Well, it could've been worse; at least you didn't have your 9 year old drive." So really it's a case of you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. But if you're ever going to try something like this, Florida is the place to do it. I mean, listen to Fagan's neighbors: "I know he's a good father," "Whatever happened there wouldn't happen continuously," "He loves those boys to pieces." My neighbors look at me like I'm Bin Laden if my leaves blow on their lawn. Florida people are the Salt of the Earth.

Brianna Broitzman

Ashton Larson

Albert Lea, MINNESOTA - Charges against two adults and four juveniles have been filed in Freeborn County District Court in the case of alleged abuse at Good Samaritan Society of Albert Lea. Court papers state that during interviews Broitzman admitted that she and Larson had poked a resident in the breast, spanked a resident, teased a resident, poked residents in the genitals, put her bare rear end in one resident’s face, rubbed vigorously on residents’ genital areas to sexually arouse them, spit water on a resident, laid in bed with a resident, touched a resident on the buttocks, inserted her finger into a resident’s rectum, antagonized a resident, humped a resident and putting her hand over a resident’s mouth because that resident would scream

I’m totally confused by this story.  I mean clearly some of this stuff sounds like textbook old people abuse.  IE spitting on them, teasing them, covering their mouths so they’d scream etc.   But then some of the things sounds like shit I’d pay money for.   IE – getting a chicks ass rubbed in my face, getting humped, getting my genitals vigorously rubbed etc.    It's almost like these chicks have alter egos or something.   Half the time they want to abuse the old folk and half the time they want to fuck em.   Strange.  

PS – I still can’t decide what category to put the getting fingered in the ass thing. Is that naughty or nice?   I guess it depends on how kinky the old people are.

TAUNTON - The football has yet to be kicked off in the Mansfield-Bishop Feehan playoff game, but the legal battle has been engaged. The Division 2 semifinal, originally scheduled to be played yesterday, had been declared a forfeit Monday when the Massachusetts Interscholastic Athletic Association learned from Mansfield that the school may have used an ineligible player in two games this season. Yesterday, Mansfield was granted a temporary injunction in Taunton Superior Court allowing it to play the game tonight.But the MIAA announced last night that it will file a motion with the Massachusetts Court of Appeals to overturn that decision, and should the motion be granted, the game would be canceled and Bishop Feehan would advance to Saturday's Super Bowl to meet Walpole.  The game was originally declared a forfeit yesterday by the MIAA after it learned earlier in the day that Mansfield used an ineligible, fifth-year player in two of its regular-season wins this fall.   According to Redding, (Mansfield’s Coach) whispers first started floating around that the Hornets might have used an ineligible player during Wednesday's pep rally in advance of the Thanksgiving Day game against Foxboro. Redding held the player out of that game (not unusual considering he played only seven downs in two lopsided victories) and met with him over the weekend to discuss the issue.

So Mansfield used a 5^th year senior (whatever that is) for a combined 7 plays in garbage time during the course of the season and the MIAA wants to make them forfeit?   Are you shitting me?  Yeah I know a rule is a rule, but how about using some common sense.    Listen this isn’t like when Marblehead smuggled in Aaron Fox (Rick’s Fox’s brother) so they could beat Swampscott in hoops which they still couldn’t do.  We’re talking about some kid who can’t even get playing time in his 5th year in the program!   I’m pretty sure Mansfield wasn’t intentionally trying to pull one over on people and didn’t gain an advantage from it.   So why ruin what will be a life long memory for like 40 kids just to prove some dumb ass point that doesn’t even prove anything?   The MIAA can go fuck themselves as far as I’m concerned.  I mean they most be some fat, power hungry, upset with life mother fuckers huh?    This is just a typical example of people who think are more important than they really are trying to justify their existence by doing something totally ridiculous.   I don’t want to say the members of the MIAA should be shot, but they should at least be stabbed.  

(There is nothing remotely sloppy about these sloppy seconds)

NYPost - Former Ranger Sean Avery is in trouble with the NHL again, this time for thinly veiled comments about a foe dating former girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert. Commissioner Gary Bettman suspended Avery indefinitely today hours after the Dallas Stars pest made "inappropriate public comments, not pertaining to the game." Avery's inflammatory comments came following a morning skate in Calgary, where the Stars play the Flames tonight. Avery approached a group of reporters, asked if a camera was present, then said he wanted to say one thing: "I'm really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada," he said. "I just wanted to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. But, enjoy the game tonight."  Avery's ex-girlfriend, "24" actress Cuthbert, is dating Calgary defensman Dion Phaneuf and had been romantically linked to Mike Komisarek of the Canadiens. Avery also dated model and actress Rachel Hunter, the girlfriend of Kings center Jarrett Stoll."I completely support the league's decision to suspend Sean Avery," Stars owner Tom Hicks said in a statement. "Had the league not have suspended him, the Dallas Stars would have. This organization will not tolerate such behavior, especially from a member of our hockey team. We hold our team to a higher standard and will continue to do so."

So let me get this straight.  Sean Avery tells a reporter that "it’s becoming common for in the NHL for guys to fall in love with his sloppy seconds" and the league suspends him for it?   Are you serious?    Did the Soviet Union sneaky win the Cold War when I wasn't paying attention or something? Listen, I hate Sean Avery as much as the next guy but this is a joke.   If a guy talks shit about your girlfriend you drop the gloves and fight him like a man.  You don’t have Gary Bettman who has probably never seen a naked tit in his life step in and suspend a guy.  Not to mention the fact Avery didn’t even say anything that bad.  I mean it’s not like he handed the reporter a sex tape of him giving Elisha Cuthburt a dirty sanchez and told him to give it to Dion Phaneuf.  And even if he did that, it still wouldn’t warrant a suspension in my book.  Cuthburt is obviously a puck slut. She'll probably bang half the NHL before she's done so who cares? Shit like this should be settled on the ice where it belongs.   Honestly what’s next?    2 minutes for cursing?    Sad day for hockey.  Sad day indeed.  

PS – Can somebody please send me a clip of Don Cherry’s reaction to this?   It must be priceless.

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