Random Thoughts

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!

MINNEAPOLIS -- Two Iowa football fans were caught having sex in a bathroom stall at the Metrodome during Saturday’s Minnesota-Iowa game. According to a police report, a Metrodome security officer saw two people having sex in a handicapped stall after noticing two sets of feet with underwear dropped to the ground. A group of 15 onlookers were gawking at the scene by the time officers broke the couple up and wrote them misdemeanor citations.The woman, 38, was turned over to her husband. The man, 26, was turned over to his girlfriend.

This is like a modern day version of Romeo and Juliet. Two star crossed lovers whose romance ended tragically or in this case with a misdemeanor citation for fucking in the Metrodome bathroom.   So sad.  But what else were these love birds supposed to do?  They very well couldn’t fuck in their seats or at the tailgate party with the husband and girlfriend lurking.  So they did what anybody in the heat of passion would do.  They fucked in the handicapped bathroom and accepted the scorn of society.     For that there is no shame.

What do people think of Pink?   I’m ashamed to admit that not only do I think she’s hot, but I kind of like her new song about beating people up and getting in fights and shit.  But having said that I’m not sure I’d hook up with her if I had the chance.   I just feel like she’d emasculate the shit out of me.  Like one second I’d be unhooking her bra and the next second she’d be shoving a dildo up my ass and laughing while she’s doing it.  No thanks.  That’s the last thing I need in my life right now.   But I’m curious what the Stoolies think of her?   Do people think she’s hot?   Would you take a dildo in the ass to bang her?

Vote 1 for you’d love to bang Pink and 10 for you’re not in the mood to take a dildo up the ass?

ESPN- Brady Quinn finally got his chance, but it's not going to end the way he envisioned. After only three starts, the Cleveland Browns quarterback will be shut down for the season with a broken index finger, sources told ESPN's Chris Mortensen on Tuesday...Quinn and the Browns made the decision after the quarterback had been examined by noted orthopedist Dr. James Andrews in Birmingham, Ala., earlier Tuesday. According to FoxSports.com, the exam found that the break had gotten worse and was threatening tendons in the finger as well.

It's been a tough year for the legendary 2005 Fiesta Bowl runner-up Fighting Irish team. Charlie Weis is circling the drain and Quinn's breakout season is tragically cut short by a horribly fractured finger. So to help all the domers out there cope in this dark hour, here's a Gallery of Sexually Ambiguous Brady Quinn pictures. This should tide us over until Quinn wins the MVP next year and the Irish earn a 2010 BCS Bowl berth.

It's the nature of TV series' final episodes that they're almost always a disappointment. So much hype gets built up around them that the next day everyone's at work saying what a letdown it was. "Jerry and his friends sitting in a jail cell arguing? What was that?" or "Sam just locks up the bar? I was expecting more." But not so the finale of "The Shield" last night. Granted they left a couple of plot threads dangling. Notably Dutchboy and the kid who probably killed his mom. And the suggestion that Acevedo had the guy from the New Paradigm Party whacked was a little ambiguous. But on the main story, it delivered beyond all expectations. The dead silence among all the cops when they found out Shane took the cowards way out... and took his pregnant wife and toddler with him... made you forget you were watching a TV show. And this last scene with Vic was perfect. All alone in the world, his family in hiding, no friends left, stuck in a suit and tie in a humiliating dead end job writing crap no one will ever read like he's John Tomase. So he contimplates eating a bullet but then decides "F- that," he's not ever going stop fighting because he's Vic goddamned Mackey... well I for one wouldn't have had it any other way.

So how did everyone else rate the final episode? I'm giving it a 10. I'm guessing if Ronnie Gardocki had a vote, he'd give it a 1.

Foxnews - An elementary school cafeteria worker and playground monitor, who had an extensive career in the adult entertainment industry, is becoming a New Jersey school district's legal nightmare.Some parents in Vineland, N.J., as well as the board of education president, want Louisa C. Tuck fired, but district officials were advised by their lawyers and those from the New Jersey School Board Association they have no legal grounds to terminate the 32-year-old from her $5,772-a-year part-time job as an aide in the lunchroom and playground, The Daily Journal reported. Tuck, who went by the name of Crystal Gunns when she starred in adult movies, performances and photos, told the newspaper it's been five years since she was involved in the adult entertainment industry.

The School District can cry me a fucking river.    Listen, if you don’t want a former porn star slinging the sloppy joes than don’t fucking hire a chick with quadruple F boobs in the first place.   I mean look at this bitch!    She might as well have had “adult entertainer” stamped on her forehead when they hired her.   Bottom line is that the school district has nobody to blame but themselves for this mess.    They wanted Crystal Gunns?   They got Crystal Gunns!

NEW YORK (AP) — Matt Light of New England and Channing Crowder of Miami have been fined $15,000 apiece by the NFL for what the league called "a verbal and physical altercation" last week. Neither will be suspended, the league said Wednesday. Light punched Crowder several times after the Miami player shoved him on a New England field goal late in Sunday's 48-28 win over the Dolphins. They also argued before being pushed apart.

Obviously this is welcome news. Light has been having arguably his best season so far. He's faced a steady stream of the kind of quick-twitch edge rushers that used to give him fits, like Shaun Ellis of the Jets, Dwight Freeney of the Colts and especially Joey Porter last week and has been a rock. Early on Matt Cassel was taking a lot of sacks, but those were more due to him learning the pocket and holding the ball too long than anything Light was doing. Still, Cassel has yet to face a team as addicted to the blitz as Pittsburgh, and no one was looking forward to going into the game with Wesley Britt or Mark LeVoir watching Cassel's back. Except maybe Kevin O'Connell's family.

But the commissioner deserves credit for not overreacting here. There was talk among media types after the game that Crowder was sent in to goad Light into a fight and that he was doing a "Hey, Hanrahan! Suzanne sucks pussy! I know!" type of thing and Light was just dispensing a little NHL-style justice. Obviously Goodell agrees since he fined both guys equally. So now both Light and Crowder are out $15,000, but at least Light still has his dignity.

(Got to love crazy ass Mormons)

Foxnews - The 40-year-old mother of a Salt Lake City-area high school student faces charges of having sex with minors in her Utah home after allegedly sending nude photos of herself to the cell phones of several teenage boys.  Kimberly Arigot of Syracuse, Utah, is accused of sending naked pictures of herself to boys in her neighborhood ranging in age from 15 to 18 years old, MyFOXUtah.com reported. Police said the sexy texting ultimately led two boys, 15 and 17, to have sex with Arigot.Arigot reportedly cooperated with police and allegedly confessed before she was released on bail earlier this week. She faces felony charges of unlawful sex and unlawful contact with minors and providing alcohol to the underage boys.

I like this bitch’s style.  Strength in numbers.    Just text every mother fucker in the town with a dick and whoever shows up first gets to stuff you.   There must have been a stampede of dudes riding their Big Wheels down Kimberly Arigot’s street when she put out that mass text.  In any event, I’m totally going to use this technique next time I want to hook up with a chick.  Just snap a picture of my junk and text it to all the Barstool Girls in the area.   It’s brilliant!   Just as long as they show up between 9-5 I’ll be golden.

Reader Email

Prez-

Stop the contest right now. This is evidence of grown adults playing chess while the college kids are playing checkers. Dude who works with my old man welded this fire pit together out of stainless steel, then plasma cut the pats logo on with all of their championships. Keeps you warm and gets bitches. I'll be bringing it to the Pats/Cards tailgate on Dec. 21 for those who want to experience it live.

As you can see, this thing is thoroughly epic, please send the t-shirt at your earliest convenience.


Donald

I'll admit that this is pretty cool and certainly would deserve a "not lame" vote if it was eligible. But you can't win a tshirt for something that your buddy's dad built. I mean why not just send me a picture of Gillette Stadium and be like I know this guy Robert Kraft who built this. I mean come on dude! Sorry but this is an automatic DQ in my book.

For whatever reason guys that like MMA seem to think that watching it automatically makes them tough. They put on their Tapout or Affliction t-shirts and strut around like they're Brock Lesnar or something. So it does my heart good than to see one of these clowns get absolutely demolished by a cop.    Not so tough anymore are you dude?

NY Post- Alex Rodriguez has his priorities - and they are not his children. The Yankee slugger, who ditched his wife of six years, Cynthia, after becoming besotted with Madonna, is a "soul-less" man who is "abandoning" his kids on Thanksgiving for his lover, according to what Cynthia is telling friends. "Access Hollywood" reports that Cynthia, who's in the final stages of her divorce from A-Rod, wrote an e-mail to a confidant noting: "My 6-foot-3, 220-pound soul-less, soon-to-be ex-husband is abandoning his kids on Thanksgiving to be with Madonna . . . She called and he ran on her command back to New York City . . . Gross!" Instead of ushering in the holidays in Miami with his children, Natasha, 4, and Ella, 1 - A-Rod, 33, is hosting a dinner at his Manhattan apartment for Madonna, 50, and her kids, Lourdes, Rocco and David, and manager Guy Oseary. The friend of Cynthia said A-Rod's furious ex described Madonna in "not so nice terms" in the e-mail. To add insult to injury, after Rodriguez left Miami at Madonna's beck and call, his lawyer called Cynthia and wanted her to sign the couple's divorce settlement.

More of Jerry Thornton's dream girl from Mad Men/Firefly here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com