Random Thoughts

I'm proud to announce that Kati Cawley is now the most searched term on the Internet! More popular than Obama, Mark Cuban and the NL MVP award. Way to go Kati! She's even got some websites now dedicated to finding who she is and what has led to her "volcanic" rise in popularity. Isn't it obvious? She writes for the Stool? Duh?

Ok, it's time for the Final Four. Here is who has battled their asses off(literally) to get Dorchester for the Finals and a chance to win $750 bucks....

PS - Don't forget to send us some smokeshow nominations. Send them to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Matchup #1 - Courtney Vs. Arielle

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Matchup #2 - Jenny vs. Ellen

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"Bush ain't even pretending to give a fuck anymore. "

Yes this is real. I guess it runs in the family

- thanks to nick for the pic

Vs.

I don't know who invented this soccer move, but whoever did deserves a Pulitzer or a Nobel Peace Prize at the very least. I mean this thing is awesome. Honestly if I knew that at least one person was going to get their face demolished like this every game I'd never miss a match. Forget that fucking pussy David Beckham. This flip throw could save American soccer. Anyway as far as this showdown goes, clearly the first kid got the worst of it. I'm pretty sure his nose is broken. The only thing that could have made it better is if the 2nd throw clocked him in the grill mix again. That would have made my year.

Vote 1 for throw 1 and 10 for throw 2

NEW YORK - The Yankees officially began the work yesterday to assemble their dream rotation of CC Sabathia, Derek Lowe or A.J. Burnett, Chien-Ming Wang, Joba Chamberlain and Andy Pettitte. Yankees co-chairman Hank Steinbrenner confirmed last night at the team's spring training complex in Tampa, Fla., that an offer was made to Sabathia and that proposals will be forthcoming for pitchers A.J. Burnett and Derek Lowe. "Yes," Steinbrenner said when asked if an offer was made to Sabathia. "And we're prepared to make offers to Burnett and Lowe."

The Yankees haven't even signed Lowe yet and I'm already sick of this story. The sports pages will make a huge deal about this. The talk shows will fill hours of air time with it. The Red Sox blogosphere is already revving up the trucks to dump mountains of dirt on this particular mole hill. Shaughnessy has a column all ready to go using the tired old Bob Lobel saw "Why can't we get players like that?"

But the fact of the matter is that Lowe is just not that good. Period. And I'm not saying this because he's about to be holding up pin stripes for the cameras. I said it a thousand times when he was here: Derek Lowe is the most mentally weak great athlete I ever saw. Someone (I seem to remember it being Mike Hargrove) once said that his stuff was so good that he could throw that sinker every pitch for an entire game and you still couldn't hit it. But still you never got more than occasional brilliance out of him:

• In 1998, he was your classic example of a young pitcher learning the ropes and went 3-9 out of the bullpen
• In '99, he settled into a long relief role (6-3, 15 SV)
• In 2000, he had one of the best seasons a Sox closer has ever had (42 SV)
• In '01, he was a train wreck (5-10, 67 Gs, only 24 SV)
• So they moved him to the rotation in '02, and he was brilliant. (21-8, 3rd in Cy Young)
• In '03 he was good at home, the Hindenburg on the road
• In '04 he was the Wikipedia definition of mediocre (14-12, 5.42 ERA)

Everyone will of course remember how well he pitched in the 2004 postseason, and for sure he did. His Game 7 performance in Yankee Stadium was the best game he ever pitched, including his no-hitter. But time and success have made a lot of us forget that down the stretch that year he had pitched his way out of the playoff rotation. The only reason he got a start in that series was because in the epic fail of Game 3, Tim Wakefield gave up his Game 4 start and came in in relief in order to save the bullpen. Prior to that Francona, with the unanimous consent of Sox fans, wanted the ball in Bronson Arroyo's hands, not Lowe's. Nor did anyone want him back for 2005 and they let him jump to the Dodgers without making him an offer. And since then he's gone 54-48. Just like the rest of his career, flashes of brilliance but overall nothing to get excited about. So from now until Lowe's unremarkable Yankee career comes to an end, pardon me if I don't get too excited.

Yup, it’s official.  Barstool author, feminist and all around good person, Kati Cawley is the 53^rd most searched term on Google today according to Google Trends slightly behind Barack Obama appearing on 60 minutes..   I have no idea how or why this happened, but I’m pretty sure this means Barstool Sports is officially a superpower.  So congratulations to Kati.  I’m totally going to buy here a plaque to commemorate this day that reads as follows;

CONGRATULATIONS KATI!

“53^rd most searched term on Google November 17 2008, but #1 in our Hearts”

- Thanks to Tony for the tip

To say this clerk didn't see the fire extinguisher coming would be one of the biggest understatements of our generation. And just to clarify I don't think this is funny. I'm not that sadistic of a motherfucker. It's just a holy shit type of video.

Apparently Brian Scalabrine doesn't like the fact that fans make fun of him for being overpaid and useless. He's trying to spin it by claiming the chanting of his name takes away from Ubuntu, but we all know what he's really saying: "Stop fuckin' picking on me!" I'm sure the fans will ease up now that we know it bothers him. My beef isn't with Scal, its with Danny and Doc who refuse to admit this guy sucks. Check out Doc's latest quote:

"Scal is an irritant," Rivers said. "He gets into people's skin. He plays so hard. He just plays team basketball. Nothing is going to stand out with his numbers, with his play, except to coaches. You love him because he does everything to win the game."

Scal is irritating to anyone who enjoys watching athletes run, jump, shoot and compete. I might not be Dr. Jack Ramsey but I don't see what he brings to the table. Is it worthwhile to have a guy who knows where he needs to be, but is physically unable to carry it out? And stop giving me this high-basketball IQ crap. Anyone is a brainiac when compared to Tony Allen.

Personally, I'm thrilled the Celtics are through with this grueling 5-games-in-7-days (or 8-games-in 12-nights whichever sounds harder) stretch. For starters, I'm tired of hearing Doc and the media bitch about how difficult the schedule was. It rivaled the Red Sox trip to Japan. Deal with it. As for the play on the court, it's been horrendous. Needing overtime to beat a Milwaukee team minus Michael Redd and Charlie Villanueva is disgraceful. Seems like every night, only one of the Big 3 is on their game. And Rondo and Perkins are regressing. The bench play got so bad, Doc started playing Scal.

Guess I should be in a better mood, considering the team has managed to go 8-2. Once they get their shit together, no team will stop them.

Chuck - Red's Army

Click Here For the Answer

MARSHALL, N.C. | A 64-year-old woman has been paid $275,000 by the town to never set foot in its community center again, after she gyrated and "simulated sex acts" there in a revealing skirt (with, apparently, her undies exposed) eight years ago. The woman, Rebecca Willis, sued after town officials banned her from the community center. The town basically paid her to go away. From the St. Petersburg Times: "(Town officials) said they'd burn the place down before they let her come back," said Willis' attorney, Jon Sasser. "So we decided to see if they'd put a monetary price on the right." So this week, for $275,000, Willis has agreed to accept the ban.

Altogether now: Nobody puts Rebecca in a corner! This is brilliant. Really, Rebecca is onto something here. In tough economic times, you turn to the most recession-proof business of all. The extortion racket. "Say, this is a really nice community center you have here. It would be a shame if some old bitty would ruin it by flashing her cooch to everybody..." It's the perfect scheme. If anything, Atty. Sasser might be the worst lawyer in Tar Heel country if all he could get was a measley $275,000. I'd think any municipality would pay ten times that if it meant its citizenry would never be exposed to Rebecca's holiest of holies again.

Nampa, Idaho -- A star running back from Nampa High School is in jail tonight, facing a very serious charge.  Police say during Thursday night's game against Emmett, Kipton Ramos got in a fight, using aggression that soon turned against his own coach.  The 18-year old is facing a serious charge -- felony aggravated battery for attacking his head football coach at Nampa High, Scott Wooldridge.  Coach Wooldridge was hospitalized for a short time afterwords.  He suffered some relatively extensive damage to his face, which includes a broken eye socket and nasal cavity.   That's the reason Kipton Ramos is facing a felony charge instead of a misdemeanor. But discipline in this case will not end with the court, because once he's out of jail, then comes the uncertainty of his future at Nampa High School."We take assaults very seriously. The student has been suspended. He won't be back at Nampa High," said Westfall. During the arraignment process, Kip's dad approached the judge asking for a lower bond, which was set at $10,000, saying his son needed to go to school on Monday.

Fucking coaches always trying to break up fights and sticking their nose where it doesn't belong. This will teach him to try and save his player. Seriously though, I don’t know who should be more ashamed of themselves here.   The kid who unloaded on his coaches face or #31 who didn’t even think of helping his team out in that fight?   Tough call.    Either way I think it’s safe to say that Kipton Ramos is playing the wrong sport.  Clearly this kid should be a boxer.  I mean he unloaded like 9 clean shots before the coach even knew what happened.   Pretty impressive.  

This could very well be the single dumbest utterance I've ever heard anyone say publicly. Honestly, I was ready to cut him some slack that he misspoke or was saying he tried to block out the fact that the game could end in a tie because he was focused on the win. But then he said it again. And again. How is this possible? It's like a pitcher not knowing four balls is a walk, isn't it? I hear this and think he must be the dumbest human being alive. Then I remember Kati Cawley telling me that McNabb felt her up in a bar at Syracuse and he's a hero to me again. I guess I'm more confused by McNabb than he is by the NFL rules.

Just when you think you’ve seen it all in terms of bad gambling losses the Gambling Gods gave us two endings that were literally beyond belief this weekend. 

USC vs. Stanford

The line in this game was USC -24.  The score with 3 seconds left in the game the score was USC 45-17.   Stanford had the ball at the Trojan 25 with one last play to try and get the meaningless back door cover.  And then it got weird.  Instead of taking one last shot at the end zone Jim Harbaugh sent the field goal unit out.   Who the fuck does that?  A field goal would have made the final score 45-20 which means USC still would have covered by a point.  Regardless it was a very strange decision by Stanford.   But not to be outdone Pete Carroll pulled an equally mystifying move by calling a timeout to ice the kicker.   Let me repeat.  Pete Carroll tried to ICE THE KICKER in a 45-17 game on with 3 seconds left!  At that point we had officially left planet earth.  Anyway in response to the timeout Stanford changed their mind and sent the offense back on the field.  Naturally they connect on a 20 yard td to end the game.    Final Score USC 45 Stanford 23.   The Cardinal cover by a point.  I’ve literally never seen anything like it. 

Vs.

San Diego at Pitt  

Now onto to Sunday.   The line in this game was Pittsburgh -4.5.  They are up 11-10 when Troy Polamalu scores a defensive TD to end the game and give the Steelers the miracle cover.   But as you can see the referees decide to review the play even though it has no impact on the outcome of the game and the players were headed to the locker room.  Even more shocking is that the refs say Tomlinson made an illegal forward pass which is an automatic dead ball and took the score off the board.   But the best part is that after the game “referee Scott Green said the officials made a mistake and realized the touchdown should have counted, though it wouldn't have affected the result.”   Huh?    So let me get this straight.   The refs reviewed the TD even though they knew it wouldn’t affect the result.  They reversed the TD even though they knew it wouldn’t affect the result.  Afterwards they say they made the wrong decision, but it doesn’t matter because it didn’t affect the result.    Umm, well if getting it right doesn’t matter because it doesn’t affect the result then why did this play get reviewed in the first place?It makes no sense!  Oh and did I mention that the Steelers had a TD called back by a phantom holding penalty 2 minutes before this play occurred and the penalties in this game were about 100-2 against Pittsburgh and 75% of the betting public had the Steelers in this game? Hmm, something doesn't smell right here. Tim Donahy has nothing on the NFL. Only in Vegas baby!  Only in Vegas!

Anyway as far as what the worse gambling loss was I vote for the Pittsburgh game.   Yeah the Stanford vs. USC thing was bad, but at least the refs didn’t openly fuck you in the ass and then laugh about it afterwords which is exactly what seemed to happen in the Steeler game.  Either way if I had SD or USC I promise you I would have killed somebody by now. 

Vote 1 for USC and 10 for Pittsburgh

More of the CSI Miami ass here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com