Random Thoughts

Introducing Courtney from Umass.  Rumor on the street is that her nickname is “The Body.”    Sure both Heidi Klum and Elle MacPherson have already laid claim to that nickname, but after seeing these photos of Courtney I think she has as good an argument as anybody.  Because make no mistake about it, this is the definition of a smokehow.  

We’re looking for sexiest Halloween costume nominations right now as well as just normal smokeshow nominations.  As a reminder the winner of the sexiest Halloween Costume which is on Friday gets $750.00.  Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more pics of Courtney

So I’m getting my balls busted today by friends and family for not waiting in line long enough to vote.  “Unpatriotic” and “Lazy SOB”, have been among the insults hurled my way today.  But are they true?   I say no.  Why?

Well first of all I arrived bright and early at 10 a.m. at my polling center a.k.a. the North End Old Folks Home on Commercial Street.   Attempting to “split the gap” between the before-work yuppie crowd and the post-"Price Is Right" senior citizen crowd, I figured 10 a.m. was the perfect time.  Wrong.  There had to be 1000 people there overflowing out of the old folks home and down the street.  

“How long is the wait?” I asked somebody.  “1.5 - 2 hours”.   

Huh? You gotta be kidding me. The Iraqis didn’t have to wait this long to vote.  I mean how can it take 2 hours?   45 min to an hour I could live with, but 1.5 - 2 hours is where I draw the line between patriotic and ridiculous.  

So I left. Like most working Americans, I have a job to get to.  I don’t have all day to just stand there.  Also keep in mind the line I was waiting in wasn’t exactly the line for Big East Tournament tickets in college with sleeping bags, playing cards and freshman girls in sweatpants.  This line was comprised of 90% old people who were overheard uttering phrases like “Oohh I just love that Sean Hannity”.  I mean Jesus Christ.   

Listen all I wanted to do today was save the degenerates at Wonderland (question 3) and help decriminalize a bag of weed (question 2).  Maybe even vote for President.  I just didn’t want to have to wait 2 hours to do it.  Anyway I'm curious what the Stoolies think. Am I no longer a "real American" because I refused to wait 2 hours to vote?

Vote 1 for “no, 2 hours is too long”, Vote 10 for “you lazy, unpatriotic SOB”. 

NAPANEE, ONT. -- David Frost held such sway over his teenage hockey players that he masterminded threesomes with their girlfriends, court heard yesterday, while his lawyer shot back that group sex is pervasive in the sport and cautioned that "hockey is not on trial." The competing accounts of alleged group sex during Mr. Frost's watch over the junior-A Quinte Hawks came during closing arguments at his sexual exploitation trial. The Crown's [Ed. note: "The Crown" is what the government is called in Canadian courts, like "The Commonwealth" is in MA] story is one of Mr. Frost at the helm of a "cult" in which he directed and participated in numerous threesomes with players and their 16-year-old girlfriends. The defence said that never happened, adding that sex involving, three, four or even five people happens in hockey and wasn't unique to the Hawks, the now-defunct team Mr. Frost coached in Eastern Ontario in the 1990s...

Lawyer Marie Henein, who forwarded the argument that group sex is common among players, told the court that "hockey is not on trial." "[Group sex] may not be a good thing, it may not be a nice thing ... but it's a thing and Mr. Frost didn't invent it," she said.

My area of legal expertise is confined to personal privacy, noise statues... not Canadian sex laws. So I'm not one to judge how good a job Atty. Henein is doing in Coach Frost's defense. But I do know that this is one fun chick. You can just tell by the way she makes the every-hockey-team-has-gangbangs argument. I mean, every attorney since Clarence Darrow has tried the same defense at one time or another, but when Marie says it, you know she means it. She threw in the part about it not being "a good thing" or "a nice thing" just for the prudes on the jury. But hockey gang bangs are a way of life in Canada. Hell, it's a way of life in Milton, MA. If David Frost wasn't orchestrating group sex among his players and they're girlfriends, the Canadian government should've been asking why not?

HARRIMAN, Tenn. - Ken Mink, a 73-year-old full-time student, scored two points Monday night in Roane State Community College’s 93-42 victory over King College’s junior varsity.  Mink entered the game with about 16 minutes left in the second half and attempted one shot in about three minutes. Seven minutes later, he went back in the game, was fouled and made two free throws. “I found myself on the free-throw line 52 years after my last college game,” Mink said. “I said, ’Just relax and shoot it like you know how to all day long.’ I just floated the shots in there. I’m in the books now. I can relax a little bit.”  Mink, of Knoxville, last played college basketball 52 years ago at Lees College in Jackson, Ky. After someone soaped the basketball coach’s office, he lost his spot on the team and was expelled. Mink still says he didn’t do it.

You know you’re old as shit when you get expelled from school for soaping the coaches basketball office.   I bet Jerry doesn’t even know what that means.   Anyway is anybody remotely surprised that King College lost this game by 50.   I mean you can’t win when you’re putting a 73 year old dude on the charity stripe.    You got to make the other team earn it from the floor.    It’s basketball 101.

PS – I love the guy who does the blow by in the first couple seconds of that video. He don't give a shit that this guy is 73.

I have three favorite Halloween traditons: Taking my kids Trick or Treating, going to the Barstool Wicked Halloween party (which is arguably our best), and seeing Kate Beckinsale break out her annual sexeriffic costume. In the last couple of years she's been Sexy Wonder Woman, Sexy Devil, and this year, Sexy Little Red Riding Hood.

Life must be a living hell for the other moms in Kate's neighborhood. They must countdown the days until Halloween in fear and anguish, dreading to witness what kind of extreme MILFage Kate is unleashing on them this year while they're waddling around in pumpkijn costumes or orange sweaters with black cats on them. But in fairness to Kate, she actually held back a little this year. Like a football powerhouse facing a 1-AA team playing their 3rd stringers. But even without trying to, she ran up the score. She can't help it; she's just that hot. If I'm not around next Halloween night, you know where to find me, Beckinsale's restraining orders be damned.

There is nothing spectacular about this video but at the same time I loved every second of it. Simple pleasures for simple minds I guess. I mean this guy didn't even think of trying to break his fall. Maybe that's why I liked it so much. It was beautiful in it's simplicity.

(This potato was giving the clergyman the old "fuck me eyes")

Metro Uk - A vicar claims a potato got stuck up his bottom after he fell on to the vegetable while hanging curtains in the nude. The clergyman, in his 50s, told medical staff at Sheffield's Northern General Hospital that the accident was definitely not due to a sex game.He had to undergo surgery to extract the spud from his backside, according to The Sun. A&E nurse Trudi Watson told the paper: "He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in he kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.  "But it's not for me to question his story."

When are people going to learn how to downplay getting a potato stuck in their ass?  This clergyman was doing just fine with the whole “ I was putting up curtains in the nude and then fell on it and it got stuck in my asshole routine".   But then out of nowhere he lets his guilty conscious get the best of him and starts blabbing on about how it definitely was not the result of a sex game.   Nobody said it was dude!    And if you really want people to believe you then don’t even bring it up in the first place.  Come on act like you’ve been there before.   Because when you swear to god that you weren’t fucking yourself with a potato it makes people think you were.  That’s the Barstool tip of the day.        

Apparently this catch is from a high school game between Lassiter and Centennial in Georgia. In all my years of watching football I've never seen anything quite like this. In fact I'm not sure I've even seen anybody try it before. Pretty cool.

Kudos to Hotclicks for finding it.

Click Here for the answer

Craigslist.com - fight (N.of Boston)

Reply to: comm-904038296@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-11-03, 12:00PM EST

not looking for a workout partner or a sparing partner, or any other stupid shit like that, i want a fight. I'm getting older (later 30's)and dont feel this is something that will always be on the table for me, and i feel i still have a few good scraps left. so if your into throwing the gloves on and just seeing who wins i'm game. be my size between 5"7-5"10, 160-180, and willing to go at it,i dont mind mixing in knees like muay thai,or kick boxing, just not to the head, i have some experience but not a ton, so you have some as well. its as simple as that, bring someone along for moral support if ya need it.

Ok I admit it.  I’m kind of intrigued by this craigslist posting.  Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to fight this guy, but I’d love to watch somebody else get in the squared circle with him.   Therefore I’m going to make a one time and one time only offer to the Stoolies.   I will give a free Barstool hat to anybody who fights this guy and brings me along as their official corner man/videographer.   Because nothing spells page views like a little Craigslist fight club action.   My only request is that instead of using gloves you tape glass to your knuckles, Jean Claude Van Damme style.  I mean if we’re going to do this ,we might as well do it right.   So do me a favor and cue the Van Damme video!

- Thanks to The Animal GeorgeSteele for the tip

NY Post: Time to give back those Gold Gloves, Derek. Derek Jeter's defensive ability took another hit on Bill James' Fielding Bible Web site, where a panel voted him 22nd among major league shortstops in defensive prowess. In fairness to the skeptics, these guys do their research... Baseball Info Solutions (BIS) watched video from every major league game, and had recorded every ball off the bat by the direction in which it was hit (the vector) the type of hit (groundball, flyball, line-drive, popup, mob hit, etc.) and by how hard the ball was hit (softly hit, medium, hard hit)," James, baseball statistician and author, wrote in an article that is archived on the Web site... One of their conclusions was that Derek Jeter was probably the least effective defensive player in the major leagues, at any position. In a Penn University study this February, Jeter, who has won three Gold Gloves, was voted to be the worst shortstop in baseball.

Well there you go. Yankees fans will scream about this, Jeter is already whining, and Suzy Waldman is probably strapping bombs to her chest and heading for Bill James house as we speak, but it doesn't make a difference. Science... objective, irrefutable, unimpeachable, inassailable science... has proven conclusively what my eyes have told me all along. Derek Jeter sucks. I don't know how a guy can be the 22nd worst shortstop in a league with 30 teams and still be the worst overall fielder, but I was never that good at science. But if the guys in the lab coats and the numbers crunchers say it, then it has to be true.

Hmm this is a tough one. On the one hand you have everybody in the world saying it's a mouse. And it does look like a mouse. It has a tail like a mouse. It has eyes like a mouse. But just when you think it's case closed the Arnold Bread people swoop in and say it's just a hot dog bun with attitude. And who am I to argue with the Arnold people? They're the experts right? So like I said this is a tough one. Now it's time for the Stoolies to vote....

Vote 1 for it's a mouse and 10 for it's funky bread

- thanks to Big Jim for the tip

(Is John Daly awake or asleep during this mug shot? I guess only he really knows)

Golf.com - With no golf on his schedule, John Daly says he went to North Carolina to have fun with some friends. What followed was a night in jail to sober up, a photo of Daly in orange coveralls with his eyes half-open, and the kind of publicity that seems to accompany the two-time major champion no matter where he goes. Daly said it could have been avoided if his friends had realized he tends to sleep with his eyes open when he's tired, stressed and has been drinking. He said the driver of his private bus, parked near Hooters, panicked when he saw Daly and called the paramedics. ``The bus driver called 911 because my eyes were open,'' Daly said.  I said, 'What's going on?' He said, 'We thought you were dead.' Anybody who knows me ... when I'm tired, I sleep with my eyes open. They know it takes awhile to wake me up.''``The world perceives that I passed out at Hooters, that I was thrown out at Hooters,'' he said. ``I was asleep on the bus. I didn't pass out at Hooters. I've never had an incident at Hooters. I hate that their name is brought into it this way. They'll probably have to terminate me because of the negative publicity.''

It’s a sad day when a man can’t even sleep with his eyes open without somebody calling 911 on his ass.   Yeah I know that the bus driver was trying to be a good guy, but how about checking to see whether he’s breathing or not before rushing off and calling the paramedics.   Doesn’t winning 2 Majors earn you that right?  And yes I know the cops didn’t arrest him but why’d they have to put the orange jump suit on him?  Shouldn’t that be reserved for people who actually commit crimes?    Poor John.   Now he’s going to get terminated by Hooters and for what?  Because he sleeps with his eyes open?   For shame.

Click for more of the star of Mad Men.

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com