Random Thoughts

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I'm not going to lie to you. I'm sitting in a Panera Bread right now and there is some little bitch baby crying her face off and giving me germs right now. Long story short is I couldn't here a word that Terry Tate said, but it seemed funny.

"A true Southern Gentleman"

- Thanks to Scott for the pic

Honestly does a day go by when ESPN isn't reporting the Patriots doing something evil or breaking another obscure league rule? This time it is Terrell Suggs who apparently put a bounty on Hines Ward's head. Supposedly Roger Goodell is now contemplating stripping the Pats of all their draft picks for the next decade. Lost in the mix seems to be the fact that Terrell Suggs doesn't actually play for us. But that's just semantics. Bottom line is that if somebody broke the rules in the NFL or in society in general, I think it's safe to assume Bill Belichick was behind it. So that clearly explains why ESPN put the Pats logo next to Terrell Suggs in this screen shot.

- Thanks to Chris from Charlestown for the catch

BET THE BREEDERS CUP LIVE WITH OUR FRIENDS AT TVG

Well this has certainly been an interesting year to say the least in thoroughbred horse racing.  You had Big Brown flopping in the Belmont after capturing the first 2 legs of the Triple Crown, the death of Eight Belles, Curlin losing to Red Rocks, Manzo hitting the Tri in the Mass Cap, in other words – it was a year of the unexpected in 2008 and this weekend it all comes to a close with the running of the Breeders Cup at Santa Anita Park in Arcadia, CA.  Today is day 1 aka “Ladies Day” of the event as the females take to the track for 5 BC races culminating with the “Ladies Classic”, which is not an undergarment, but the 1 1/8 mile, $2 million finale headlined by undefeated Zenyatta (named after a “Police” album) at 3-5.   Should be a great weekend of racing, although a tough one to handicap as many of these horses are trying the Santa Anita synthetic “pro-ride” surface for the first time.   Let’s just hope we hit a few races and our bank accounts don’t take too much of a hit like it has in year’s past.  Ok - first race today is at 3:15, so hopefully your boss doesn’t mind you following along/gambling from work.  Also be sure to check the blog tomorrow morning, assuming we have any money left, when it starts all over again at 1:00 with 9 more races, including the Turf, the Classic and the “Degenerate Race”, which is the meaningless race after the BC Classic which nobody bets except true degenerates and nobody covers except The Stool.

Good luck and enjoy the weekend.

Click here for Friday’s picks.

I'm confused as hell right now. This just doesn't add up. No way that face belongs to that ass. No fucking way. In fact, I refuse to believe it.

It's been kind of lost in the shuffle of other news this week that Laurence Maroney is out for the year. With Sammy Morris missing practice this week and Lamont Jordan's status uncertain and the Patriots facing the propsect of having BenJarvus Green-Ellis as their featured back, it's as good a time as any to ask whether Maroney is a bust.

He's had his critics since early in his rookie year when he was splitting carries with a Walking-the-Green-Mile Corey Dillon. Even I may have once made some crack about saving my weekend chores until Sunday then getting them done while waiting for Maroney to hit the hole. But is that fair? I mean, as soon as the Pats took him with the 21st pick in 2006, we all had visions of routine 1,500 yard seasons dancing in our heads. But in the era ofRunning Back by Committee, that's not realistic. So how do you evaluate Kool Aid at this point in his career? Measuring him against the other recent top-of-the draft talents like Reggie Bush or Adrian Peterson is a non-starter. Not counting the 2008 rookies, there has only been one recent RB taken near Maroney's 21st spot. The guy the Pats passed on to draft Maroney, Joseph Addai. Here are their career numbers:

• Maroney: 388 Atts, 1673 Yds, 4.3 Avg.
• Addai: 549 Atts, 2369 Yds, 4.3 Avg.

Obviously Addai has carried the load more, but in fairness, Maroney spent last year in the most prolific passing offense of all time. And he's had the exact same production with the reps he's had. One of the concerns about Kool Aid coming out of the draft was that he was a system back at U of Minnesota, and the success of his Gopher running mate, Marion Barber, supports the argument. Except it doesn't:

• Barber: 605 Atts, 2707 Yds, 4.5 Avg.

Marginally better with an extra season under his belt. But how about comparing apples to apples? How's he done compared to his teammates running behind the same line against the same defenses? This year he was averaging 3.3 YPA, way behind Kevin Faulk (6.6), Morris and Jordan (4.4 each). But obviously something was wrong with him, otherwise he wouldn't be spending the rest of 2008 on the Terry Glenn Memorial Stationary Bike. Still, even prior to getting hurt, he wasn't passing the eyeball test to me. I know some Patriots message board guys who break down game film and will tell you that he was getting all available yardage out of his carries, but I'd watch him slide along the line looking to make a cut on one play, then on the next watch Morris make an instant cut, get through a seam and even after being stopped fall forward for and extra two yards and I started thinking "bust." And not the good kind. Now add this trip to the IR and he'll have missed the equivalent 1/3 of his pro career so far. I'm not saying he absolutely IS a bust at this point, but he's thisclose.

What does everyone else think? Vote "10" for "Maroney's been fine/ Lay off him" and "1" for "He's another Chad Jackson."

You just got married. You're about to start your new life together. The battle for the upper hand in the relationship has begun. To quote Nuke Lalush, it's time to "announce your presence with authority." And nothing says "hey bitch you're my slave now" like a quick slap to the face when she playfully bites your finger as you feed her the wedding cake. Brilliant! Don't think for a second I'm not adding this move to my wedding day playbook.

VOLUSIA COUNTY, Fla. -- A former Volusia County teacher was out of jail Thursday and facing charges of having a lengthy sexual relationship with a 17-year-old student. Last week, the teacher at Warner Christian Academy resigned amid the accusations. [Cynthia Horvath] was arrested Wednesday. South Daytona police confirmed to Eyewitness News that they are back on the case and there may have been sexual incidents in the school, possibly at the teacher's home and said it has been happening since last school year... The cheerleading coach is accused of carrying on an affair since last spring with a 17-year-old student, though she wouldn't admit it to Eyewitness News at her door last week... But the Warner Christian student she was sleeping with did fill police in. He said they would go places in her car and what started as kissing turned into sex. "In parking lots. The alleged locations have been Wal-Mart, Publix," Surmaczewicz said. The student said they also met under the Dunlawton Bridge in Port Orange and in hotels in Daytona Beach. Police said it was obvious the boy cares for Horvath, but his parents were clear about pressing charges...

Port Orange police may have had a chance to stop the affair though last month. While in a Wal-Mart parking lot, having sex, the pair was interrupted by a Port Orange police officer who even took their IDs. But the police report makes no mention of why Horvath wasn't charged then. Officials at the Port Orange Police Department told Eyewitness News that incident with that officer is being reviewed. Horvath is married and has a 17-year-old son who attends Warner Christian.

Nice to see Florida getting back on top of the Sex Scandal Teacher pyramid where it belongs. They should just change the state flag to show a 45 year old MILF riding a teenage boy in the back seat of her car. If I was running for president and needed to carry Florida, I'd come out for repealing the statutory rape laws and lock up the all-important Predatory Educator vote. You'd also clinch the Perverted Cop vote, as apparently there are plenty of cops in Port Orange who'd rather watch a 45 year old bang a child than put a stop to it. But can we do one thing here, and stop saying "the parents" want to press charges when we really mean "the mom?"

The Grades:
Looks: Can I git a what-what?! Granted, to be among the all time Sex Scandal Teacher greats you can't have that gummy smile and Gerry Callahan forehead, but she's still solid. I like Cynthia even more all slutted up her perp walk picture. Nice touch by the cops cuffing her in the back so we can check out her concealed weapons. Grade: B.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: What more do we need? Sex at home, in school, discount retail store parking lots, under bridges, cheap hotels. Mrs. Horvath is insatiable. But banging one of your sons classmates? That's legendary. I wish there was a Grade higher than A+.
Intangibles: Two words: Chrisitian school. Two more: Cheerleader Coach. Grade A.
Overall: A. (Thanks to Tim M. for doing his part.)

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The heinously hilarious, ever-popular gross-out toy -  MADBALLS - are back and bigger than ever.  Madballs are available at Urban Outfitters, Hot Topic, Wal-Mart, Toys“R”Us, Spencers, Bed Bath & Beyond and Meijers and priced at $5.99 to $6.99. This band of freaky-looking rubber balls that became a major hit in the ‘80s with grossly sculpted faces and graphically amusing names like Screamin’ Meemie, Slobulus  and Repvile is making a major comeback with a whole new line of absolutely repulsive toys that will undoubtedly be a hit with both new and old fans. Originally unleashed in 1986, Madballs were considered absolutely repulsive and immediately became a smash hit. This success paved the way for a new generation of charmingly repulsive merchandise. And in addition to the new cast of characters, www.madballs.com <http://www.madballs.com/>  will re-launch this fall with new content including introduction of new characters,  activities, games, and downloads.
 

I almost did a double take when I got this press release.   It said "Madballs Make for the Perfect Stocking Stuffer!" in the subject line and I was like they can’t mean the Madballs I’m thinking off right?  But lo and behold it was the same thing straight out of the mid 80’s.  Kind of shocking because I sort of consider myself an 80’s historian and I definitely wouldn’t have put Madballs in the top 1000 most memorable things of that decade.   Granted I had one, but I thought I was in the extreme minority.   I guess not.   I mean these things must have been bigger than I gave them credit for if they’re making a comeback.   I’m curious what the Stoolies think about this.  Were Madballs really that popular?

Vote for 1 for never heard of them and 10 for they were as popular as Garbage Pail Kids and Zubaz Pants

In other news the Bruins lost the game 4-2 and two fans had their faces gashed apart. Granted they did get to sit in the luxury box after getting maimed which is always nice.

(photos from Matt Stone Bostonherald.com)

The only reason I posted this video was to pay homage to this chair. I mean I don't know if I've ever seen a chair put up a battle like this one did to stay afloat. You literally could hear like splinters and legs and shit breaking off but it was still standing on what I can only assume is heart and heart alone. Also a tip of the cap to the fat dude for staying calm. He had to know he was going down right? But he just kept his composure and waited patiently for the end to come. He would have been great on the Titanic.

More Ashley here...

Who do you want to Wake UP with? Ub@barstoolsports.com