Random Thoughts

Ok Tampa I fucking get it already. You guys are better than us. You don't have to rub our faces in it. Try winning with some class next time instead of running up the score every night. Totally classless.

It's time for Josh Beckett to become Josh Beckett again or this season is over on Saturday.

Don't forget to vote for Molly in that hot cheerleader contest. To be honest, I'm truly ashamed and disgusted that she isn't in first place yet. I don't even know how that's possible. I mean Barstool Sports is like 9 billion times the size of the site that is running the contest so people must just be being lazy. Get off your ass and vote. The chick in first right now is playing for keeps!

If you don't have Facebook vote here.

Introducing Kate from BC. Man the way we're going here lately pretty soon I'm going to have a wing named after me at Superfan U. Or at least have to throw a party in the mods or something.

Just because the Blueball is over doesn't mean you should stop sending us nominations. Nominations are the lifeblood of Smokeshow of the Day so send them along to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more of Kate

SHEBOYGAN, Wis.—A 19-year-old Town of Sheboygan man is in jail Wednesday after police say he approached an officer to confess he had sex with a 13-year-old girl. A Sheboygan police officer was conducting an unrelated traffic stop Tuesday evening when he saw Mario Paz and told him he needed a light on his bicycle. The criminal complaint says Paz then confessed to having sex with an underage girl... The complaint says Paz met the girl two weeks ago and asked her repeatedly to have sex with him, which she consented to in the basement of a friend's house.

Let me start with a reminder that Barstool Sports in no way advocates sex with underage kids. Unless you're a hot female teacher and the underage kid in question is one of your students. We don't recommend that either, but we think it's sort of a moral gray area. That said, I've spent all day looking at this story from every angle, and here's where I think Mario Paz went wrong. He almost had pulled off the perfect crime. He got the girl to go along with him, had sex with her, she was keeping quiet about it, and so was his friend with the basement. It had been two weeks and it looked like he was about to get away with it. Right up until the point where he told the cop he'd boned the girl. That was where Paz went wrong, right there. He probably shouldn't have brought it up, but what can he do about that now? You can't unring a bell. Looks like the cop outsmarted him with that "light" business. Maybe a good lawyer can get him off (pun intended) for police entrapment.

"This Guy Ain't Dead Yet And Neither Are the Sox."

People always bust my balls about my love for reality TV.  Well I say shame on you.   Because if you don’t love reality TV than you have ZERO sense of humor and the above clip proves it.  Because I’ll be damned if there is any writer on the planet who could come up with shit half as funny as this.    I mean let me just recap what happened here quickly:

Robin is telling everybody on the Island that she didn’t hook up with Dan and that he has a limp dick.   Naturally Dan gets pissed and confronts her.   He asks her how could she possibly know he has a limp dick unless they were hooking up?  Busted!    Then he promptly declares that Robin is “dead to him” for spreading the Limp Dick rumors.   Naturally Robin begins to cry and the entire Island breaks out into what has to be the first “Take It Back” chant in the history of Reality TV.    A chant that very well may replace "Donna Martin Graduates" as the most prolific chant in the history of modern television.

PS - I believe Robins account of the story. She was going to fuck Dan, but didn't because Dan had limp dick. The rest is just semantics.

Boston.com - At the Allston headquarters of Ace Ticket, there's evidence of something strangely out of whack in Red Sox Nation: Tickets to playoff games at Fenway are selling barely above face value, and sometimes less. Premium seats that commanded upwards of $2,000 just a year ago are selling for a quarter of that price. A field box ticket that would have set you back $1,800 in the 2004 dream season defeat of the New York Yankees in the American League Championship Series, and $900 in the same series last year, now goes for $300 - just $25 above face value. On Tuesday, Ace Ticket actually dropped prices below face value and, for the first time in 29 years, failed to sell out for a postseason game. Ticket prices," in the words of chief executive Jim Holzman, "have plummeted." Is it the economy? A symptom of fickle fans throwing in the towel after three straight losses to the Tampa Bay Rays? Or is something deeper going on in a city that once treated baseball like a matter of life and death, and seemed willing to pay any price to get close to the action. "I think a lot of the angst disappeared when they won it" in 2004, said Tim Little, a 48-year-old engineer from Dover, N.H., who was walking on Charles Street yesterday. "We're getting a little bit complacent, I think, between the Celtics and the Patriots and the Red Sox. Maybe we need a break at this point."Bob Schmalz and his wife, Anne, Bostonians picnicking on a park bench in the Public Garden, were already closing the books on 2008 baseball."I think the season has now ended; they should pack up and go home and come back in the spring - we'll be there for them," Bob Schmalz said with a smile. "Boston fans are too easily critical, so they feel they've been cheated of something they're entitled to" if they don't make the World Series, Anne Schmalz added.

This is why I hate the Globe and I’m dead serious when I say Barstool Sports should be the only publication in the universe that is quoted when discussing how Boston feels about their sports teams.   I mean where the fuck did they dig these people up who gave the quotes in this story?   “We need a break at this point”?    “They should pack up and go home”?   Are you fucking kidding me?      I wonder how many people they had to ask before they found the answer they were looking for?    This is so fucking stupid and ignorant I can’t even stand it.     Yeah I admit that I’m a little stunned that you can buy tickets for face value for the playoff games.   But at the same time let’s not make it seem like a ticket costs 30 bucks either.   300 dollars is still some serious cash.   Combine this with the fact that the economy blows and Boston fans have already shelled out thousands and thousands of dollars on playoff tickets, superbowl trips, and championship paraphernalia for the past decade and maybe the answer is as simple as people just can’t afford it anymore?    Or is that too obvious an explanation?    Listen, I’d love to go on an awesome vacation every year.  The fact that I don’t has nothing to do with my desire to do it.  Just can’t afford it.   Same goes here.  So just because people can't spend thousands of dollars on tickets anymore doesn’t mean they aren’t just as excited and passionate about the Sox.   It’s a fucking ludicrous argument.

CORNING, Calif.—The family of a dead elderly woman cremated her remains on a makeshift barbecue and continued collecting her retirement checks amounting to more than $25,000, authorities in Northern California said. Ramona Allmond's daughter and grandson were arrested Sunday on suspicion of embezzlement, elder abuse and disposing of a body without a permit. Allmond, 84, likely died of natural causes, though investigators were still trying to determine the exact cause of death, said Tehama County sheriff's Capt. Paul Hosler.  Investigators said the two kept collecting Allmond's monthly retirement checks, amounting to more than $25,000. Sheriff's Detective Richard Knox said they may have been trying to honor Allmond's desire to die at home and be cremated.

First of all I love how the cops are giving the daughter and precious little grandson (see above) the benefit of the doubt.  “Likely died of natural causes…”   “may have been trying to honor Allmond’s desire to die at home and be cremated…”   Hey Sgt Hosler, they fucking killed their grandma to collect her retirement money.  What is this Reno 911? I mean you don’t have to be there turning the spitfire and snorting her ashes to know that.  Just look at this guy, anybody with a tattoo of the Dairy Queen Blizzard on his face either lost a big bet in high school or is guilty of roasting his grandma on a barbeque.

So it’s come to my attention that a former smokeshow and current Superfan cheerleader is in some contest where she is competing vs. other cheerleaders from across the country for the title of hottest cheerleader on the planet.   Or something like that.    Anyway we have a little saying here at the Stool.  Once a smokeshow…..always a smokeshow.   So it’s time to blow the doors of this little “competition”   The only problem is that it’s a pain in the ass to vote unless you have facebook.  But honestly who doesn’t have facebook nowadays?   So click here to vote with facebook. But if for some reason you don’t you can still go to this site and register to vote.   I ain't mad at you if you don't do it this way because I hate signing up for shit too.  Unless of course you’re a Superfan in which case it’s your civic duty to sign up and vote for her.   Regardless either way we should have Molly well into the lead before sunset tonight.

Worcester-- Comcast SportsNet has bounced Bob Cousy from courtside, ending his 34-year reign as a Celtics broadcaster... Cousy had planned to return this season as the Celtics defend their 17th NBA championship, but he was not retained for the first full Celtics season under new CSN executive vice president and general manager Bill Bridgen. Steve Reagan, CSN vice president of programming and operations, informed Cousy on Sept. 18 of the network’s decision to drop him.

“Some low-level executive called me,” Cousy said yesterday from his Worcester home, “and basically said that they decided to do two-man booths and they no longer needed my services. I said thank you very much, have a good year and I hung up on him... The Celtics, in my judgment, said and did all the right things,” Cousy said. “Comcast can hire or fire anyone they want. But after 34 years, I thought I needed a little more handling.”

Well this is a fine how do you do. "Hey, Cooz. Yeah, listen... uh, about the season that's two weeks away, yeah, well... you're not going to be part of it. Me? No, I'm not the boss. I'm the guy who vacuums up the offices after everyone goes home. But he told me to give you a call." Classy. Why didn't Comcast really do it right. Just line Cousy, Tommy Heinsohn and Mike Gorman up at the Banner 17 ceremony and say "Guys, take one step forward if you're going to be working here all year. Not so fast, Cousy..."

Why is this move even necessary? Is there anyone out there saying "Gee, I'd like to watch the Celtics on Comcast, but the presence of Bob Cousy on the broadcast team confuses and frightens me so I stay away"? If anything, Cooz is a nice, cerebral, calming influence on the games while Heinsohn is blowing out a vein in his temple over some 2nd quarter charging call. And he'll be missed. If they canned him just so company man Greg Dickerson can get more face time, or if they replace him with Donnie Marshall or some Boston retread like Bob Lobel, I'll be ripped. On the other hand if they hire some hot chick or better yet, offer me a TV gig, I'll call Bridgen and Reagan broadcasting geniuses and two of nature's true noblemen. But right now there's no question this move was totally classless. And a thousand bucks says Cousy told that Reagan whippersnapper to F-off before he slammed the phone down.

Reader Email

El Pres,

This may or may not be any interest to you, but if you like you can post this. From time to time we read of men's leagues across the region and how people take them so seriously. In this case, we have a individual that single handily wins games and dominates the competition. Normally this would not be a big deal, but I forget to mention that this particular hockey league in Rhode Island has 4 levels (a,b,c,c2). He has chosen to play in the C2 level. Again, no big story there either, but lets get to the point. C2 is for guys just learning the game or guys way past their prime. Look at the stats/bio and you make the decision if this guy should join the A division and leave the c2. I have no problems with the guy, just think it is funny that a guy this accomplished in the game would waste his time in the lowest level of men's league hockey.

This is a email the commissioner of the league sent around this morning:

Our first order of business for the season is “name ommited”  (Greg Crozier) of the Dragons. He has scored 13 goals and 1 assist in two games and my phone and email are getting the calls. He scored from the center line during a shoot out, He sits back and when they need it he scores at will. Just to spice it up here is his resume.

The game he played for Pittsburgh in the NHL he was actually on Mario Lemeuix's line. The bottom line is he don't belong in the C2 and should be moved to the A. My ass and a couple others got booted out of the C2. I couldn't find a resume for us:) lol

Let me have your votes and thoughts.


Pete

Ah, good old Greg Crozier.  This is a fucking blast from the past.  I actually almost got in a fight with this kid in college over NHL 94.   Long story short, I was virtually unbeatable in that game.  He thought he was the best so we sat down to settle our differences and naturally I whipped up on him pretty good.   He was getting more upset and more upset and next thing you know we were wrestling around on the ground.  I was crushing him until my shoulder popped out which it always does.  True Story.    Anyway, as far as this story goes, it makes no sense to me.  I mean nobody cares who wins the C2 division right?  So why would somebody bring in a ringer in the first place?   And why would the other team care?  I mean it’s not like he’s flying around burying people into the boards.  .  In fact it actually may be fun to say you got beat by the guy who played with Lemeuix.   Bottom-line is that when you play in the worst division in rec league sports the only thing that matters is getting shitfaced at the end. 

‘

Vote 1 for he should be kicked out and 10 for let him play

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates—A British couple was sentenced to three months in jail Thursday in a case that has caused controversy in this Gulf boom town because the two were charged with having sex on the beach. Although Dubai sells itself as a party hot spot, its Arab population hews to conservative Muslim values.  Dubai has been called the Las Vegas of the Middle East, with its carefully cultivated image as an oasis of liberal entertainment set amid an expanse of conservative countries like Saudi Arabia. While the laws are not always enforced, it is illegal for couples in Dubai to hold hands, hug or kiss in public -- much less have sex on the beach.

3 months in jail for fucking on the beach? Are you kidding me? How UnAmerican is this? Yeah, Dubai sounds exactly like Vegas.    Except for the part about it being illegal to hold hands and getting 3 months in jail for fucking.   Well it looks like the First Lady and I can cross another location off our potential honeymoon list.   No fucking on the beach?  No thanks.

I'll tell you what. If Britney shaves those armpits and tightens that pussy she may just be a nice piece of ass again after all.

Bostonherald.com - A Boston child-development expert wants the MBTA to remove the provocative advertisements for the movie, “Zack and Miri Make a Porno.” “It’s not appropriate,” said Wheelock College professor Diane Levin, co-author of the book, “So Sexy So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids,” about the T’s decision to place the ads on the bus shelters that line busy city streets.“It is a public space where parents have no control over what their kids are exposed to,” “Children will see it and say, ‘That’s for me,’ ” she said. “And because they want to understand what things mean, they’ll ask ‘What’s titillating, Mom? What’s porn?’ ”Gail Dines, also a Wheelock College professor, said the movie, and the ads for it, show how pornography has become part of mainstream American culture. By creating a comedy about pornography, she said, the moviemakers are “telling a massive lie about the industry.“There’s nothing funny about it,” she said. “It’s filled with drug addicts, survivors of childhood sexual abuse and people who have been repeatedly raped.”

You know what?   I was actually buying what this bitch was selling right up until she started complaining about how the movie was telling a massive lie about the porn industry.  Listen lady nobody said this was supposed to be the next Roots.  It’s a fucking Seth Rogan movie.  Relax.    Now whether these ads should be plastered on MBTA billboards is another question.  I mean if you had a 10 year old daughter would you want her asking you what a porno is?    “Well Lisa a porno is when little Johnny and his Milton Academy hockey friends stick their dicks in as many holes as you have on your body and make a movie about it.   Oh and your mouth counts as a hole.”   Umm no thanks.   I mean it’s one think to see scantily clad chicks staring out at you from a beautiful blue newsrack and quite another to explain what fucking is all about.  Aw, who am I kidding?  I could care fucking less.    I’m curious what the Stoolies think about this one though.  

Vote 1 for the MBTA shouldn’t run these ad and 10 for who gives a fuck.

More Gogo to go here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? UB@barstoolsports.com