Random Thoughts

I’m going to admit that this series makes me nervous.      I just don’t like Dice K being our Game 1 starter.    And the Devil Rays have proven all year that they are legit. So having said that I’m going to have to temper my prediction and go with the Sox in 4.    

TAMPA, FL -- Symbolism can be a beautiful thing.  The Florida Aquarium has partnered up with the Tampa Bay Rays for a special event as the team prepares for tonight's series opener against the Boston Red Sox at Tropicana Field. Rays in the Aquarium's lobby touch tank will be fed little red sox-shaped snacks this afternoon. It happens at 2 p.m. at 701 Channelside Drive in Tampa.

Man we're fucked now! I was literally shaking my hands in fear like Big Ern McKracken when I read this story. Clearly the Devil Rays are playing for keeps. And yes we will have a live chat for Game 1 tonight as the Heart Attack kid takes the mound for the Sox.

URBANA, Ohio - A defendant had a hard time facing the music.  Andrew Vactor was facing a $150 fine for playing rap music too loudly on his car stereo in July. But a judge offered to reduce that to $35 if Vactor spent 20 hours listening to classical music by the likes of Bach, Beethoven and Chopin.  Vactor, 24, lasted only about 15 minutes, a probation officer said.   It wasn't the music, Vactor said, he just needed to be at practice with the rest of the Urbana University basketball team.  "I didn't have the time to deal with that," he said. "I just decided to pay the fine."

Well I totally agree with this guy, you always pay the fine instead of doing community service if you can afford it.  Freshman year at Providence I was caught by a priest trying to climb into a window of the all-girls dorm past 2 a.m. and my punishment was either community service (raking leaves) or pay a $90 fine.  Obviously there was no fucking way I was raking leaves.  I viewed that as "giving in to the man". However I didn't have $90 to spare so I did what any young degenerate would do – bet $90 on the Auburn/Florida game that Saturday night.  Fortunately I won the bet, paid the fine and never raked a single leaf for the man.  Anyway, let that be a lesson to everybody, if you have the choice between community service and paying a fine, always pay the fine.  And if you can’t afford to pay the fine, gamble the amount of the fine on sports and hope to win your bet. Just another life lesson courtesy of The Stool.

Sun - BRITAIN'S oldest virgin who celebrates her 105th birthday this weekend says no sex is the secret to her long life. Having known she would remain single from the age of twelve, Clara Meadmore abstained to concentrate on earning a living.  She has never had sex because she was "too busy" for intimate relationships which seemed like "a lot of hassle". "People have asked whether I am a homosexual and the answer is no. I have just never been interested in or fancied having sex," Clara said.  Instead of looking after a husband, Clara took up reading, gardening, walking, cooking and listening to Radio 4's Woman's Hour.

Damn! Get this woman a cock stat! Because I don't care what Clara says; She needs some dick before she dies! At least a blowjob or something.

DALLAS, Texas (AFP) — Dallas Cowboys defensive back Adam "Pacman" Jones, reinstated to the National Football League six weeks ago after a series of off-field incidents, is again being investigated by NFL officials. Jones and his bodyguard were involved in an incident at a hotel near the Cowboys' home stadium on Tuesday night, according to Dallas police, with the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reporting he attended a party of rap singer Ludacris... an unidentified team source confirmed the Cowboys will not punish Jones for his actions involving a bathroom scuffle with his bodyguard, Tommy Jones. Police were called to the Joule hotel and reported a disturbance with two men fighting in the lobby.

For starters, I'm not going to let this alleged incident destroy my faith in rap singer's parties, which as we all know only occasionally lead to outbreaks of men's room violence. But the best part of this story isn't that Pacman couldn't get more than a quarter of the way into the season before he started up again with his patented brand of wacky hijinks. No, the punchline here is that Pac isn't even the biggest asshat named Jones on his own team. That honor belongs to his boss. Here's what Jerry Jones said on his radio show today:

"I almost feel like I'm an enabler because it's the very people that I have with him that created this. Had we not had that security with him, this wouldn't have happened. Really. Had we not had the security with him, it wouldn't have happened."

So here's how it works. You sign a player, and because he's been arrested six times in his short career and is coming off a year long suspension by the league, you hire body guards to follow him around. (Are they named Blinky, Pinky Inky and Clyde by the way?) Presuming they're like most hired goons, they're being paid to protect the guy; even to take a bullet for him if necessary. Pacman ends up fighting with one of them bad enough for someone to call the cops. So you blame the body guard. You can argue with Jones' judgment, but you have to admit, his logic is flawless. If the security guard wasn't there, Pacman wouldn't have hit him. By the same token, no one would've shot Abe Lincoln in the head if he didn't have a head. You can't argue with that. Jerry Jones is right; the body guards are the cause of all of Pacman's problems. I mean, he didn't have them in Tennessee, and look how well things went there.

Foxnews - An Australian man shot a woman in the crotch after she refused his demand for oral sex, a court has been told. Laurie Edward Elliott of Adelaide was yesterday found guilty of threatening a person with a firearm and possessing a firearm without a licence. Elliott, 54, demanded the woman perform the sex act on him while the pair were driving in suburban Adelaide, the Advertiser reported. After the gun went off, hitting the woman in the inner thigh, Elliott told her the gun had gone off accidentally.The woman today told how the shooting had forced her to move interstate and the stress it had placed on her family. Judge David Lovell remanded Elliott in custody for sentencing on October 24.

This guy needs a new lawyer.  The gun went off accidentally?   I mean is this really his defense?  This basically implies that it is wrong to shoot a chick if she won’t give you road head.  Is that the message he wants to send?  His defense clearly should be that he shot her and he’d shoot again if he had to do it all over again.     Listen every guy on the planet knows that when you’re driving around in “Suburbia” that’s code for suck my dick bitch.   If at least half the people on the jury are men he’ll be found innocent in the quickest decision in history of Australian blowjob cases.    I bet even a couple chicks would vote his way too.    That’s how universal road head is.

- Thanks to Rachel from Randolph for the tip

"Nice shoes"

- thanks to Bachbenz for the photo

MLB.com - Tampa Bay Rays Conquer T-Shirt by Majestic Athletic

I don't get this shirt. Is this like their official AL East Champion shirts and the Yankees are the Dynasty they are referring to? Or are we the dynasty and they are just guaranteeing victory in the ALCS? I think it has to be the Yankees right? Because we won't officially be a dynasty until the playoffs are over. But at the same time how can Tampa Bay say the Yankees are still a Dynasty? I mean does that mean the Twins are a dynasty too? Seriously this is why it is bad for baseball to have the Devil Rays in the ALCS. They don't even know how to make shirts right.

Thanks to HRderby for tip

Of all the great Detroit bands to play at the Red Wings opening night, banner-raising celebration, why did they choose Def Leppard? Oh right, Def Leppard is from England. Obviously this was just a terrible decision by the Red Wings, I mean you can't tell me Bob Seger wasn't available. Even Madonna would've been fine. Choose a hair band from England (albeit a tremendous one) and this is what you get.

Click here for the answer

What the fuck type of prevent defense was that? Listen Hail Marys and onsides kicks can happen. Balls get tipped and shit like that. But how were the Minutemen basically able to get their prime time player Jordan Larson with one on one coverage two times in a row? What the hell defense were the Governers playing? That's the type of loss where the entire defensive coaching staff has to be fired before they even reach the locker room.

PS - Even though the Minutemen won the kicker still wasn't allowed on the bus right?

Now this is much more exciting than the traditional pie to the face routine during an interview. Nothing like a baseball to the tit. Hopefully this and tit groping will catch on during interviews from now on. Anyway this reporter played it off pretty well. Because I'm just assuming that dicks and tits have equal sensitivity. I mean if this was that UMass cop who got kneed in the balls he would have been out of work for a month.

(fightin fins)

This post will have to last till I wake up which could be noon. So in the mean time enjoy Zlata the Red Contortionist. She's wicked fucking bendy.