Random Thoughts

Click To Read - HALOS LOSE - AND YANKS DO, TOO

Anytime people want to start sending me smokeshows let me know. As this video proves, I'm not fucking around anymore. Send nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com or I'll keep the fat chicks rolling like you wouldn't believe.

It's been said countless times on this and other websites that one of the priorities of the next President, whoever it shall be, is to establish a set of universal rules for fantasy football. Now unfortunately with the economy the way it is, in all likelihood this issue will be "tabled" for at least another 4 years, possibly more. However in the meantime we can all do our part as Americans to figure this shit out. Remember, "fantasy first"!

Now then, today's question stems from last night's performance by Reggie Bush, leaving Bush owners (in most leagues) with 0 points to show for his 2 punt returns, instead (again in most leagues) Saints DST is awarded with the points. The question naturally is how to deal with this crisis. There are 2 schools of thought: #1., too bad dudes. You can't credit 2 "players" for the same non-passing touchdown. In other words its either Saints DST or Reggie Bush. Or #2, both "players" should be awarded points - Saints DST and Reggie Bush. Now I fundamentally oppose this concept. It's gotta be either one or other. I mean how can 2 "players" score the same non-passing touchdown? That's impossible.

Anyway I'm curious to see what America thinks on this most pressing issue of our times. Vote 1 for "Both Saints DST and Reggie Bush should get the points", Vote 10 for "2 players can't get credit for the same non-passing touchdown. It's gotta be one or the other."

And as a side note, Ryan Grant fucking sucks.

Okay it’s another day and another championship series is about to begin in Boston.   You know what that means right?  Yup the city we’re about to beat starts talking all sorts of trash and all the fans of that team suddenly show up at the Stool.  It’s as inevitable as the changing of the seasons.  Except this series is a little different. Why?  Because there is no such thing as a Tampa Bay Devil Ray fan.   Sure the newspapers can talk trash and people can suddenly buy tickets, but everybody knows they are frauds.  Hell they just figured out that there are 9 innings in a game and that they actually have a team like two days ago.   So I’d just like to state that moving forward Barstool Sports will not respond or recognize anything that these idiots from Tampa Bay say in regards to this series.  It simply would be below us to dignify them with a response.  I’d honestly respect the city of Tampa more if they didn't go to these games as opposed to suddenly acting like they care.  I mean this would be like a non hockey fan suddenly showing up to Game 5 of the Bruins vs. Candians last year. It’s just so pathetic.   There is nothing worse in life than frauds and apparently Tampa Bay is filled with them.    It’s just a shame that the ALCS will be wasted on such a shitty baseball town.  Really the rest of America, even Yankee fans, should be rooting for us just so our National Pastime won’t be dragged through the mud by a city that is a disgrace to the game.

"Do you think Spitzer's whore would fuck you for 20 bucks?"

Mercurynews.com - A 20-year-old man shot a prostitute in the back because she got tired after having sex for 10 minutes, according to a recently released search warrant.  Ryan Graham and the victim agreed to a deal of $20 for sex in the west alley of the 200 block of T Street in Bakersfield on Sept. 17, police said.  The 26-year-old woman got tired after having sex for 10 minutes in the vehicle, according to the court document. The suspect got mad and shot her in the back as she left the vehicle, the document says.  The woman suffered a collapsed lung and was taken to Kern Medical Center, the warrant said. She was not identified because she fears for her safety.  Graham is facing several charges including attempted murder, assault with a firearm on a person and preventing/dissuading a victim/witness, according to Kern County Superior Court records.

Dude what the fuck did this guy expect?   Seriously you pay 20 bucks and you think she should bang you for more than 10 minutes?  20 dollars doesn’t even get you a blowjob where I come from.  I mean maybe you can shoot her in the back if you paid a couple grand and she got tired, but not for a 20 spot.  Bottom-line is you get what you pay for and if you can’t bust a nut in 10 minutes that’s on you, not the whore. Regardless let this be a lesson to all strippers out there. You need to do a better job at managing expectations. That's part of the gig too you know.

BOSTON (AP) -- Curt Schilling is considering coming back next year -- for half the season. The Boston Red Sox right-hander, who underwent season-ending shoulder surgery on June 23, said in an interview with Sporting News that he might try to pitch in 2009 under the right circumstances.

"I won't come back for a full season, that much I know. If I do decide to come back I would work to the point I was ready and somewhere around May 1 let the teams know I wanted to pitch the second half," he said. "I'd obviously need to spend June in the minor leagues building it all back up and then hopefully come back and help a team in contention win a World Series. All of this is predicated with the fact that I am completely healthy and able to pitch like I did prior to breaking my shoulder early in 2007." Still, Schilling said retirement is a strong possibility. "If I had to make that decision today, yes, I'd retire," he said.

Did you ever find yourself liking something that's really popular, and as it's popularity declines you're never exactly sure when or if you should jump off the bandwagon? It could be anything. Like a film director. Remember back when everyone liked M. Night Shaymalan movies? Then people started saying they were stupid and you could see the surprise ending coming a mile away. I mean, I liked "Lady in the Water." Which is part of my problem. I never know when to bailout on something and always end up being a fan way longer than I should. Which brings me to Curt Schilling. I'm still not past my post-Bloody Sock love affair. I've stayed loyal to Schill through all the windbaggery, bloviating, pontificating, self promotion and rampant Curt Schilling attention whorism. Now, with his [probably former] team fresh off winning a vicious cockfight with the best regular season team in baseball, Schilling has to draw attention to himself with public statements about something only he himself cares about; his career plans for May of '09. I still like the guy, because loyalty is how I roll, but this is exactly the thing I was killing ARod for last year. Seriously, Curt, STFU before your next pronouncement is your own personal "The Happening."

Wow! John Henry and Tom Werner are just two wild and crazy guys! I mean people think I'm nuts with all my mortal locks, but both Henry and Werner basically guaranteed victory here. "We owe Tampa Bay something" and it will be "fun to beat them." Al Davis and Hank Steinbrenner have nothing on these motherfuckers.

KSDK-- Parents of an 11 year old are outraged after the boy was allegedly shoved by the coach of an opposing football team. The incident was captured on videotape.  Wesley Deavenport, 11, was not harmed in the incident. But his father says it is nothing short of poor sportsmanship and assault on a minor. Joe Deavenport says after a particularly contentious game, one of the other team's coaches shoved the face-mask of his son, knocking him out of the reception line.  After Wesley's team coaches realized a sport videographer captured the moment on videotape, they called the police. "There's no question, it is assault," Deavenport said. "It's assault to a minor and I've already spent time with police discussing this situation.  NewsChannel 5 spoke to the coach viewed on the videotape. We are not identifying him, because he has not been charged. He says that action viewed on videotape was justified by some of the events that happened during the game. There were referees in attendance.

CLICK FOR VIDEO

First of all I’m glad they cleared up the fact that referees were in attendance.   Because  I was worried for a second that this was an unsanctioned wild, wild west Pop Warner game where eye gouging  and kicking people in the balls was legal and shit like that.  Phew.   Anyway let’s cut to the chase.  Clearly the kid who got pushed was an offensive lineman who was leg whipping and chop blocking the shit out of people all game long.     So I kind of think the coach was within his rights to shove him in line.  You got to defend your team right?    What do the Stoolies think?  

Vote 1 for the coach was just defending his team and 10 for this is assault on a minor

Rachael Ray really doesn't do it for me but watching a chick jerk off corn on the cob is still watching a chick jerk off corn on the cob. It just never gets old.

Dailysentinal - A performance during a Nacogdoches High School pep rally last month has created some controversy between students and the administration over the appropriateness of a skit that included the executions of rivals and toy guns. The skit opens with a few cheerleaders dressed to represent that week's opposing team, the Center High School Roughriders. Wearing cowboy hats and carrying toy pistols, the "rivals" run into the gym to take the NHS mascot hostage as the theme from the movie "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly," plays in the background. As the Center team scuffles with the mascot, NHS cheerleaders run to the rescue, freeing the mascot. They then force the Center team to kneel as they stand behind them with guns. The music shifts to a popular song which includes the sound of gunfire. As the NHS cheerleaders hold the guns to the back of the kneeling "prisoners'" heads, gunfire is heard. The "prisoners" fall over, dead. The victorious NHS cheerleaders then toss what appears to be fake money into the air in celebration, then drag the bodies representing Center into a pile, whereupon the NHS mascot holds up a tombstone over the executed "prisoners," to the sound of clapping and cheering from the spectators. Some students say the skit was inappropriate and are circulating a petition — which currently has 122 signatures — protesting "gun promotion" at pep rallies. However, NHS principal Nathan Chaddick contends that the skit was a "simple, innocent satire" aimed at boosting school spirit, and with the exception of one complaint from a parent, Chaddick said "everybody enjoyed it and had a good time." "What do they want us to do with Shakespeare when kids have swords stabbing each other or plays with some shooting?" Chaddick asked. "It's the same thing. It's the same little skit. But because these three girls have a personal thing going on against some cheerleaders, they feel they have a right to use this venue for their personal agenda or purpose, and I'm just not going to allow that."

(Click for slideshow of skit)

So the students are the ones complaining about this skit and the principal is the one defending it?  Wow I didn’t see that one coming.  Has hell frozen over or something?   Regardless this principal can play for me any day. I mean it’s refreshing to finally see an administrator with a head on his shoulders.  I just wish he didn’t sugar coat his explanation.  Because you know this is what he wanted to say;

“I’m not going to let a couple fat drama club bitches who have never been laid and who run the student newspaper with the rest of the geeks in the school make a big deal out of this skit because they are jealous of the hot chicks and hate their own lives. If anything was wrong with this skit it was the fact that the cheerleaders weren't dressed sexy enough. That's what we should be talking about today not this other garbage”

Preach on brother!  Preach on!   Oh wait I wrote that.

Click Here For the Answer

- From LA Times and MLB.com

"It's frustrating," Lackey said. "It's way different, this year from last year. They were better than us last year. They were not better than us this year. It's 100, 180 degrees different." "We lost to a team that's not better than us," "We are a better team than they are. The last two days, we shouldn't have given up anything."  "[Sunday] night they scored three runs on a pop fly that was called a hit, which was a joke," "[Monday] night they scored on a broken-bat ground ball and a fly ball that anywhere else in America is an out, and he's fist-pumping on second base like he did something great." Asked to describe his feelings, Lackey said, "Like I want to throw somebody through a wall."

- John Lackey

"I'm [ticked], I'm upset, this one's going to be with me for a while," Hunter said. "It doesn't feel good, because we're a better team than they are. But they're moving on."

- Tori Hunter

First of all thank you John Lackey for finally admitting that we were better than you guys last year. That was big of you. Because after we swept your asses I'll admit I still had some doubt. Anyway you got to admit that John Lackey does kind of have a point here.   I mean we did score a bunch of runs on balls that should have been outs and miscues and shit like that.    I wonder who the fuck was playing the field for Anaheim and letting this garbage happen?   Oh wait, the Angels were the ones in the field screwing everything up.    The way Lackey was talking I almost thought the Mariners were out there or something.   Seriously what is up with these California teams?   They just can’t take their whippings like a man.  First the Chargers and now the Angels.    Yeah, John you’re right.  This was a 180 degree turnaround from last year.  Last year you guys got swept and this year you won 1 fucking game.  Whoopdeedoo!!!!   And just in case you didn’t notice your team couldn’t fucking score a run off Jon Lester if their life depended on it.   I guess that doesn’t matter though right? Bottom-line is the Sox out pitched, out hit, and out fielded the Angels in virtually every game.   If that means Anaheim and their puffed up AL West record is a better team than us than so be it.  I hold no grudges for these comments. John Lackey can still be our #3 starter any day and I'd still take Tori Hunter as our 5th outfielder in a heartbeat.

Do you know how bad a move has to be to be talking about it even after a victory? Well that's how bad that move was last night. Seriously Tito Francona should be thanking his lucky stars that we won because I’m not exaggerating when I say the decision to pull Jon Lester after 7 innings was the worst decision I’ve ever seen by a Boston manger or coach in any sport in the history of my lifetime.   People grill Grady Little for the Pedro fiasco in NY, but that was child’s play compared to this.   I mean to say Jon Lester was breezing would be a major understatement.     He had thrown 109 effortless pitches.  The Angels were totally and utterly helpless against him.   And barring a miracle Lester wouldn’t have had to throw more than 15 pitches to give the ball straight to Papelbon in the 9^th and it was game set and match.   But when Tito took out Lester he instantly gave life back to the Angels.  In fact for a second I actually though Francona may have had money on Anaheim or something.  I mean it was just a totally mind boggling decision.    And his explanation was even more startling.    Tito said Lester pumped his fisted after the 7^th inning signaling that he had mentally checked out.  What the fuck does that mean?   Tell him to check back in because he’s going one more inning!  But none of it matters anymore since the Sox won and Francona will still go down as the greatest Red Sox manager of all time.    I guess you can’t argue with the results but that decision to pull Lester was flat out scary crazy.

Talk about tickling my balls! This has to be the first interview in the history of interviews where the reporter stayed bone dry while the player they were interviewing got a champagne facial. What the fuck? I was ready to upload this clip to redtube and instead was just left holding a limp dick in my hands. It's bullshit! The only possible explanation for this madness is that Tek has told everybody not to spray Heidi with Champagne. Nothing else makes sense because you know the players want to do it as bad as we want to see it. It's a fucking selfish move from the Captain. Seriously how about sharing just a little bit?

Click for more pics of Suelyn Medeiros

Send wakeup nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com