Random Thoughts

Introducing Erin from Maine.   I know what everybody is thinking.  Will “Miss Maine” show up to the Blueball and the answer is yes she will.    And by the way I’m not making up that nickname either.   That’s what they call you when you are literally Miss Maine 2007.   Anyway at this rate it wouldn’t shock me if Miss Universe showed up to this thing.

We’ve had a pathetic couple days of submissions which is mind boggling to me.  There is only a few days left to get the VIP invites to the Blueball Smokeshow.  Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more of Erin

Oct 1 (Reuters) - An Indian man has come up with a novel way of making ends meet - he dresses as a monkey to scare away monkeys for money.

Acchan Miyan, alias Gudde, is employed by the railways administration in Lucknow, in India's northern Uttar Pradesh, to stop monkeys menacing passengers.

Well it's safe to say this is one of the strangest videos in the history of The Stool. How fucked up was that mask? And the tail! The problem is we've seen this story 1000 times in literature. Man dresses up as monkey... man falls in love with monkey... man eventually quits his job dressing up as monkey and literally joins the tribe of monkeys. As they say, truth imitates fiction once again. It's just a shame this guy only gets $7 an hour and David Blaine is a millionaire.

I am such a sucker for videos like these. And this may be my favorite one of these of all time. Yup, better than Wondergirl Carly and better than Cody Paul. (both videos posted below) I literally gasped like 5 times after some of this kid's hits. The first one caught me so off guard too because I figured Ben was the RB. It's just rare that you get to see one of these videos that focuses on the defensive side of the ball. I mean Ben Wilson is an okay offensive player, but he's like some freak combination of Dick Butkus, Mike Singletary and Ray Nitschke on defense. It's almost as if God wanted to create the perfect linebacker and out popped Ben Wilson. The kid is a fucking heat seeking missile out there. I haven't seen anybody hit like this since East Lynn Pop Warner stopped playing at Manning Bowl.

Aww, who am I kidding? Wondergirl Carly is still my favorite. I think it's because of the music.

In case you missed it, (and I don't know how you could), Al Davis had a press conference yesterday to explain why he fired coach Lane Kiffin. To say that Davis came across like a mental patient off his meds would be an insult to med-free mental patients everywhere. You can click on the link to watch the highlights, but to save you time, I'll summarize it: "I want to fire my coach, but I don't want to have to pay him because I'm a miserable bastard. Any questions?" Suffice to say that this was too bizarre even to be a future Coors Light ad.

But it got even crazier after the cameras were turned off. Davis, in order to prove that he's not completely out of touch with what's happening in the NFL today, did what all owners and GMs are doing: blamed the woeful state of his horrible team on cheating by Bill Belichick. He told reporters that Belichick, whom he referred to as "What's His Name", tampered with Randy Moss when he swung the draft day trade with the Raiders in 2007:

"But what's his name knew he could run, he's a friend of Belichick's. Mike Lombardi. Mike sold what's his name, Belichick, on the idea that he could run. They tampered with him. I remember Bob Kraft saying that he had to look him in the eye and all that. They went down and worked him out, he could run. He's their team, of course, with the quarterback. "

Belichick responded on Mike Reiss' blog:

"I've told the story a hundred times. The first time I talked to Randy was after I talked to Mr. Davis, Saturday night/Sunday morning before the draft, the second day of the draft. I don't know what this workout is. No idea. Like I told Mr. Davis when I talked to him that Saturday night, we were talking about the draft pick. I joked 'why don't you send us back the fifth that we gave you for Doug Gabriel last year, and he ended up on your team at the end of the year? If you had any courtesy, you would do that.' We laughed. Some trades work out, some don't."

I don't mean to shock anyone here, but in this controversy, I kind of think I'm leaning toward Belichick's side. How exactly do you tamper with a guy if the team he belongs to trades him to you? If the Pats did something wrong, why didn't Davis just keep him or trade him to one of the other 30 teams? Besides, what's he complaining about? It's not like he got nothing for Moss. So what if Moss had 23 TDs? Davis a draft pick for him and took John Bowie, who had one whole tackle last year before being IR'd this year. Like Belichick said, some trades work out, some don't.

In the meantime, Davis' hunt for a new coach begins. And I'll give you 10-to-1 the next coach of the Raiders is out there right now on a street corner leaning on a sign that says "Furniture Liquidation Sale."

"His mother was a mudder.."

This 10pm start time tonight is a joke. If I had a real job I’d be fucking pissed.   Yeah I know it’s 7pm in California but since when does Pacific Time count for shit?  Bottom line is that MLB is taking advantage of the fact that Red Sox fans are the best fans in baseball.   They know that they could start this game at 2am and we’d still stay up to watch it.   Hell even with this ridiculous start time we’ll probably have a better rating than LA for this game.  But it’s still bullshit.  There are 3 games today.    They easily could have done 1pm, 5pm and 8pm and put us either at 5pm or 8pm.   If they want to keep the Cubs in primetime that’s fine, but give us the 5pm then.    But since MLB knows they’ll get huge numbers from us no matter they got greedy and basically opted for two primetime games.  In other words Bud Selig gave Boston a big fuck you.   The good news is that we will have live chat for not only this game, but for all 11 playoff wins this year.  So be sure to log on for the Stool After Dark tonight.  Maybe we’ll even kill two birds with one stone and play porn in-between innings. 

GLENS FALLS, N.Y. - Sometimes, blowing your own horn is too much of a good thing. Glen Falls police said an upstate New York driver who was stopped for blowing his vehicle's horn excessively was charged with driving while intoxicated. Glens Falls police said Rodney Northey told them he was blowing his horn on a downtown street dotted with bars to "let people know he was in town." Officers on duty noticed, pulled Northey over late Saturday and found his blood alcohol content was .23 percent, nearly three times over the amount for legal intoxication. Northey was charged with aggravated DWI, a misdemeanor, and ticketed for excessively blowing his horn.

Listen I have no problem arresting people for excessively honking their horns while intoxicated, but come on, the guy was back in town!   How else was he supposed to let people know?  Mass text? Facebook? From what I hear Glens Falls is pretty much hell on Earth as it is, the last thing they need to do is lock up guys who are back in town.  They're the backbone of the community. Anyway if you’re in Glens Falls today, turn around, but first honk twice for Rodney Northey.  Make that three times.  Actually make that 39 times. Once again, the system claims another victim.

KNBC - Police are asking for the public's help to find the man who repeatedly punched a 16-year-old girl in the face at a McDonald's restaurant in South Los Angeles.  The victim was attacked while in line at the McDonalds at 7123 Crenshaw Boulevard at about 10:15 a.m. on Sept. 14, 2008.  Police say the suspect and the teen got into an argument about who was first in line, and he struck her repeatedly in the face.

CLICK HERE FOR VIDEO

Well that settles it. I'm officially crossing Crenshaw off my list of potential Honeymoon destination locations. The First Lady can bitch and moan all she wants, but we're not going there. Seriously I knew Crenshaw was tough, but I didn’t it was this tough.  Yikes.  Even the guys kid knew it was time to get out of dodge after this sucker punch.

Thanks to John for the tip

Photo by Ted Fitzgerald

Herald.com - A well-turned-out Texan and his stunning stiletto-heeled wife pleaded not guilty yesterday to charges they acted like boorish buckaroos while guests of the luxurious Boston Harbor Hotel, allegedly attacking police and berating staff with racist slurs. The Rowes Wharf rodeo was allegedly precipitated by the lovers locking horns at 1:30 a.m. Sunday in a boudoir brawl in Room 1103, and then refusing to ride off into the sunrise at the request of hotel security. John Troy Miller, 41, a self-described self-made collegiate sports marketing consultant from Southlake, Texas, just north of Dallas, shook his head and rolled his eyes after Boston Municipal Court Judge Annette Forde ordered him and the missus to appear in person at a pretrial conference Oct. 30. Jennifer Miller, 36, sleekly dressed entirely in black yesterday right down to her stiletto heels, is free on $700 cash bail. Jennifer Miller, Driscoll said, even drew blood from one Boston officer she allegedly scratched while being booked, in addition to kicking a cop. Her husband is accused of bumping officers in a combative manner.

First of all who teaches these people how to write at the Herald?    They try to get so gimmicky with their sentences that half the time I can’t even understand what the hell they are saying.    It looks like bad blog submissions I get from people.    Anyway, I fucking love this Jennifer Miller bitch.   We need more pictures of her.  She looks like a total smokeshow.   Free Barstool hat to anybody who can deliver me the goods.   More importantly what is she doing with this dude?  “A self made collegiate sports marketing consultant”?  I haven’t heard a more ridiculous job title since that guy who beat Julie Donaldson claimed to be a slamball player.    What do these hot chicks see in these unemployed assholes?   

PS - If I was a cop I’d love for Jennifer Miller to resist arrest because that totally gives you the green light to unintentionally intentionally grope her and frisk the shit out of her.

(It's time for the Angels annual rite of passage. Watching the Sox celebrate eliminating them at Fenway)

Are you shitting me? How are the Red Sox not at least -200 in this series?   I mean these teams are evenly matched at every position except for starting pitching where we dominate their asses.  Hmm, starting pitching isn’t important is it?  Listen spare me the mumble jumbo on what the numbers say.    Bottom line is that I’d rather have our starter than their starter in every match up.   Hell if I was building a starting rotation from scratch and could only take pitchers from these two teams the first 3 guys I’d take would all be Red Sox.   You do the fucking math.  So how is it possible that we are a slight underdog?  It’s mind boggling.   I’m telling your right now that if the Angels somehow beat us I will get an Angels tattoo on my ass.  That’s how confident I am.  Seriously my only question regarding this series is whether if we beat both the Angels and Dodgers on our way to winning yet another World Series championship, does that mean we get to annex the State of California and make them our slaves?   Because I’m pretty sure there is some shit about that in the Constitution.  Basically if you knock 3 different teams out of the playoffs all from the same state within the span of 10 minutes you automatically take control of that territory.      Yeah I know that we don’t want all those pussies living amongst us, but they do have some hot bitches.    And everybody else we can just stick in Nahant.  

Series Prediction

If Beckett is healthy Sox in a sweep

If Beckett can’t pitch Sox in a sweep.

Boston.com - Editor's note: A photo on Page C6 in Sunday's Sports section showed Patriots rookie quarterback Kevin O'Connell wearing a wristband with inappropriate language written on it. The photo did not meet the Globe's journalistic standards and should not have been published.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!! Do you know how much sleep I lost over this photo? All the tossing and turning? The mental anguish. The pain and suffering. And what about the children? What about the fucking children??So if the Globe thinks they can issue a little apology and all will be forgotten they are nuts! No I won't let it happen! Not on my watch! The only way to make up for this egregious transgression is to fire Dan Shaughnessy. That and only that will prevent blood from being spilled in the streets.

PS - How is it possible that not one Stoolie emailed me about this? For shame. Get your asses in gear.

pic from Deadspin

I had my money on the dude on the left the entire time. I thought for sure he had fainter written all over him. The chick with the glasses was just too obvious a pick for me. But I never saw it coming from the kid on the right. He was a real sleeper. I love how nobody moved when he went down either. I actually think my guy thought it was a practical joke or something. His facial expression was priceless. The speaker (AKA Mr. Excitement) was not nearly as amused though. He looked like this kid just ripped a fart or something in the middle of his speech. Regardless this is how you deal with a fainter. You just drag his ass out of there and continue on with the show like nothing happened. Bravo.

PS - I may start selling those Canada shirts. Those things are a hot mess.

More Isabel here....

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com