PORTLAND, Tenn. - Police arrested a math teacher who allegedly had sex with a student while school was in session. Portland High School math teacher Sandra Binkley turned herself into police Thursday. She was charged with statutory rape by an authority figure for allegedly having sex with a 17-year-old student on campus during school hours. "He said she was okay, she was real nice," said Fred Rogan, quoting how his son described the teacher. "He said she was real friendly." Investigators found about the case after the teenager told his parents, who reported the incident to school administrators this week.

(Thanks to Nick W. for the heads up.)

For openers, can there be a shadow of a doubt in anyone's mind that when investigators say "parents" reported the incident, what they really meant to say was "the kid's mother." Let's be honest here. Fred Rogan is the proudest dad in America right now. Archie Manning isn't living vicariously through kids with as much unabashed joy as Fred is at this moment. The kid is a juvenile so the press can't publish his name. If Fred kept his mouth shut, they couldn't use his name either. So he does what any proud dad would do, runs to the first reporter he could find to spill his guts so everyone will know what a stud his boy is. "Yup, she was real friendly. Real, REAL friendly ifyouknowwhatImean [nudge, nudge]. That's my boy. Even hot adult women are defenseless against his charms. Real chip off the old block."

The Grades:
Looks: Our best entry in months. No wonder the kid bragged to dad. Stupid mother had to screw things up. Grade: B+.
Moral Compass/Bad Judgement: Banging the kid in school, during school hours is exactly the kind of thing we're looking for. I promise you Fred Rogan's pride & joy won the "Perfect Attendance" award. Grade: A.
Intangibles: Odds that the kids in school called her "Miss Boinkley": 5:2. Grade: B-.
Overall: B+.