Random Thoughts

Introducing Marisa from UMass. It's been awhile since we had a potato sack girl, but this chick totally fits the bill. Yes I love hot brunettes! I mean if you don't want to just throw Marisa in a potato sack and marry the shit out of her than you're freaking nuts. Anyway Marisa has just won 2 tickets to our Barstool Smokeshow Blueball which includes an open bar for all former smokeshows...

Do you know any girls who deserve to be at this party? Send them our way to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

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NY Times: Plaxico Burress appears to have a lot on his mind. Whether his problems at home have anything to do with his suspension is another matter, but it would hardly be surprising if they were a contributing factor.
NorthJersey.com has obtained police reports and corroboration from a New Jersey police chief about domestic disputes at Burress’s home:
Excerpt:

Totowa police responded to two domestic disturbance calls at Giants receiver Plaxico Burress’s home the past few months, borough police Chief Robert Coyle confirmed today. In one instance, Burress said his wife slapped him. In both instances, Burress’s wife, Tiffany, had phoned the police, reports show. Temporary restraining orders were obtained in each but were later dismissed in state court.

The more time goes by, the more you realize the Patriots weren't just trying to beat the Giants in the Super Bowl. It was us against the whole world. The rest of the NFL, the '72 Dolphins, the US Senate and last but not least, the media. Where the hell were these stories about Plaxico Burress Ike Turnering Tiffany the week of the game? Where was the bank of microphones and TV cameras and reporters asking him to explain himself and harassing his teammates with questions about him being "a distraction"? Because that's exactly what Randy Moss got. Randy, whom everyone knows would never hit a woman had to deal with false, scurrilous accusations by some jezebel who was trying to extort money out of him days before the biggest game of his life and every news outlet in America took the bait. Meanwhile, the wife-beating Plaxico was left alone, free to focus on the game and plan how he's going to get his pimp hand on Mrs. Burress next time she talks back to him. Well Randy faced the music and didn't let his team down, while Burress is running and hiding like the coward he is.

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LOUISVILLE, Ky. -- A Shelby County man and his wife said two doctors amputated the man's penis without his consent, and have filed a lawsuit. According to the lawsuit, Philip Seaton went to have a circumcision last October. Seaton said when he woke up from the procedure, he realized his penis had been amputated.  Seaton has suffered mental anguish, pain, and has lost the enjoyment of life, according to the lawsuit.  The lawsuit states that Patterson received consent to perform a circumcision and only a circumcision, and that Seaton did not consent to his penis being removed. Kevin George, the plaintiff's attorney, said Patterson amputated the organ after finding cancer, but he only had consent to remove the foreskin. "Sometimes you have an emergency and you have to do this, but he could very easily closed him up and said, 'Here are your options. You have cancer,' and the family would have said, 'We want a second opinion. This is a big deal,'" George said.

It’s all fun and games till you get your dick cut off.  That’s why as a rule I don’t let my junk get operated on.   I just don’t want to risk having an overzealous doctor try to prove himself by chopping it off without my consent.  And yeah I know he had cancer, but like the lawyer said losing your ding dong is kind of a big deal.   As a rule every owner of every dick in this country should be consulted before having it removed.  It’s just common courtesy.   In fact if Obama was smart he’d add this “no dick removal with consent” message to his platform ASAP.   It’s like one notch below no taxation without representation.

Germany: An Aachen man who failed to reach orgasm during his $44 session with a prostitute has accused her of unfairly taking his money, according to a bemused police report on Wednesday. The john and the prostitute agreed on the fee for the 20-minute service in an Aachen alley, but failed to pick a specific goal for their undertaking, the police report said. When the man did not have an orgasm, he accused the woman of having a faulty "egg timer" that went off before he could. He then demanded his money back. When the prostitute refused to cough up the cash, he called the police. However, the officers were unable to mediate the situation successfully, and the man filed charges against the woman. "The criminal case for fraud will now proceed, as the fronts remain hardened," the reported concluded.

I'm no expert on the law... or for that matter, negotiating with hookers... but I took a couple of Business Law classes and I was awake often enough to know that what we're talking about here is an Oral Contract. No pun intended. (OK, pun intended. So sue me.) And as the old saying goes, "An Oral Contract is only as good as the paper it's written on." According to Law.com, "The main problem with an oral contract is proving its existence or the terms," and I think that's really the crux of the matter here. What exactly did the two parties agree to? He may have assumed he was paying for an orgasm, but does that compel her to give him one at all costs? What if he can't produce? What if he goes all Erectile Dysfunction on her or if he rubbed out the easy one minutes before entering into the agreement? Is she legally obligated to keep working at the guy for as long as it takes? Because time is money and she has the right to earn a living with other customers too. But looking at it in the light most favorable to the guy, what if she's not that good and 20 minutes isn't enough time? And I think he can make the case that an egg timer is interferes with his enjoyment of her services. In fact, it probably discriminates against those of us who are potent marathon men in the sack. You can't rush art.

I think I'm leaning toward ruling in favor of the guy, but I could still be swayed. So who's side are you on? Vote "1" for the guy deserves satisfaction and "10" for "I'm with the chick who has a home on Whore Island."

Boston Sports Media - WEEI.com editor Rob Bradford has confirmed to Scott’s Shots that part-timer Ron Borges is leaving the site for a full-time gig at the Boston Herald.  But Bradford indicated Borges would be done with WEEI.com on or about October 3 and that it is likely Borges will be writing for the Herald when the Patriots return from the bye week in San Francisco. “The Herald is getting a guy who is being read and I have the numbers to prove it,” said Bradford, who declined to be specific on page views. “He was living up to the investment we made in himBradford said he has no regrets in what turns out to be a month-long rental of the former Boston Globe writer who “retired” after his suspension from that paper for what the Globe termed plagiarism.

The Herald’s new Patriots reporter is Ron Borges?  That’s impossible!   Seriously how does this guy keep getting jobs?      You know what this means don’t you?   Yup, Tomase and Borges are going to be in the same building together!   That sound you just heard was me puking all over my computer.  I swear to God if it wasn’t for the Inside Track the Herald would have like 4 readers total.    And Rob Bradford can cut the shit with how much traffic Ron Borges was getting at WEEI.com   Because I’m not sure if anybody told Bradford this yet, but you can look shit like that up.   So next time he wants to pull the “I have the numbers to prove it, but I just don’t feel like being specific" routine he should probably stick that in his back pocket.  Somewhere in a dark alley, Jerry Thornton the best Patriots writer in this city weeps.

DailyTelegraph - A FULL-figured woman is facing 10 years in jail after getting collared as she tried to rob a bank for a second time - when a man recognized her enormous bottom. Police in Norf, Germany, say Sandra Meiser fled the first robbery with $28,000. Witnesses reported the armed raider was a woman with a "very large" backside. Weeks later one witness found himself behind what he believed to be the same bottom as they stood in a queue at the same branch."He called the police and they arrested her and found her ski mask and handgun in her jacket. He said he recognized her bottom straight away - he'd never forget something that big," a worker said.

This is so typical of fat bitches.   It’s like they live in a fantasy world where they think they can dance at clubs, squeeze into cabs, fly on airplanes, vote, rob banks and nobody is going to notice.  Honey you got a huge fucking ass!Wake up!  You shouldn’t even be allowed out of the house never mind trying to knock off banks.    Obviously people are going to remember you.   You leave a gigantic ass finger print everywhere you go.    Listen people may forget names and faces all the time, but you never forget a huge ass.   It gets burned in your brain forever.   Hopefully some good will come out of this story though and fat chicks will finally get motivated to hit the gym and become a useful member of society.

Assist to Mr. Mill City

ESPN.com - The Patriots aren't going to be fine. I expected this to happen even before Brady got injured. I've been skeptical for a while now. They lost their drive. They used to go out there and crush people, playing good football every Sunday. You could see when they were winning how great they were playing, how hard they trained and how disciplined they were. But then it became about 'who is this person dating' and whatever, and that's when I thought this would happen. I'm not going to say they're distracted because they're professionals. But when it becomes about all that other stuff it does take away from just going out and playing good football.

- Lil Wayne for ESPN

Fuck ESPN and their experts. All they do is bash the Patriots. We could win 1,000 straight Superbowls and they'd still say we suck and we're in trouble. The bottom line is that ESPN and their pseudo experts have no credibility in my book and they never have. I refuse to listen to anything they have to say. Wait a minute.....Lil Wayne wrote this? Shit! I guess we are totally fucked!

PS - Who knew Lil Wayne loved the Bruins, Sox and Wimbledon?

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. (AP) — Troy Brown has retired after 15 seasons with the New England Patriots in which he set a team record for most receptions.

When you're living in the middle of the Golden Age of Boston Sports, it's a target-rich environment of good athletes, great ones, all time greats, and the Truly Special. There aren't enough hours in the day to write glowing tributes to all of them, but when one of the Truly Specials announces their retirement, you make the time. And without question, Troy Brown is one of the Truly Special athletes to ever play in Boston. Brown was the classic over achiever. Taken in the no-longer-existent 8th round of the 1993 draft (the same draft that had a No. 1 pick named Drew Bledsoe), the 198th pick overall. There were 22 WR's drafted ahead of him, including first rounders Curtis Conway and OJ McDuffie and other immortals like Horace Copeland, Sean LaChapelle and Walter Dunson. At the beginning of his career he was cut several times by Bill Parcells. But he survived to at one point or another hold the Patriots records for receptions in a game, a season and a career as well as punt return yardage. But what he'll always be remembered for are the clutch plays. He made a career out of picking up one more yard than the Pats needed on crucial 3rd down plays. It was like a superpower; like he had some sort of Superimposed Yellow First Down Line Vision. And throughout his whole career he was a class act, a pretty rare breed among guys who play WR in the NFL.

By way of tribute to Brown, click here for a list of his Top Ten Greatest Moments...

I gave it a six. Probably would have been a 7 or 8 if the TV guy didn't hype it up so much. But the Tyrone Prothro catch from Alabama is still the gold standard in terms of unreal football catches. Even the Russian judge gave that one a 10.

Okay I’ve been meaning to write this blog for a couple weeks now.   Have people been watching The Island on MTV?   What the fuck is going on with Johanna?   She goes from being engaged to Wes one second to fucking his arch enemy (Kenny) two seconds later?    Yikes!   So much for taking it slow huh?  Listen, I know that murder is illegal, but I don’t think there is a court in the world that would convict Wes if he went ape shit and killed the both of them.   I mean if you start fucking everything that moves on national television 10 seconds after you break up with your fiance, you have nobody to blame but yourself when you get your tits chopped off.    That’s free advice for all the ladies from the Stool.

PS - How did MTV not put Wes on this show?  That’s the biggest crime of them all.

Sportingnews - "The biggest problem is the divisional setup in major league baseball. I didn't like it in the 1970s, and I hate it now," Steinbrenner wrote. "Baseball went to a multidivision setup to create more races, rivalries and excitement. But it isn't fair. You see it this season, with plenty of people in the media pointing out that Joe Torre and the Dodgers are going to the playoffs while we're not.  "This is by no means a knock on Torre - let me make that clear-but look at the division they're in. If L.A. were in the AL East, it wouldn't be in the playoff discussion. The AL East is never weak." "I'm happy for Joe, but you have to compare the divisions and the competition," Steinbrenner wrote. "What if the Yankees finish the season with more wins than the Dodgers but the Dodgers make the playoffs? Does that make the Dodgers a better team? No." "People will say the2006 Cardinals were the best team because they won the World Series," Steinbrenner wrote. "Well, no, they weren't. They just got hot at the right time. They didn't even belong in the playoffs. And neither does a team from the N.L. West this season."

I think I’ve said this before, but I love Hank Steinbrenner.   I mean every time I think he can't outdo himself he does. The guy is flat out insane.  Honestly how fucked up in the head do you have to be to start bitching and moaning that the Dodgers are making the playoffs over the Yankees? That is like complaining that a 9  inning game is unfair because it isn’t long enough to figure out who has the better team.   John Henry and his team of writers/pimps couldn’t come up with something this funny if their lives depended on it.    Honestly I should try and get Hank to write for the Stool since Manzo doesn’t blog anymore.  The guy is liquid gold.

The first time I watched this video I almost had a heart attack. I swear to god I thought Tom Brady was going to emerge from the car carrying his own luggage or worse yet Giselle’s.   I had one foot out the door and was headed straight to New York to fucking slap Gisele around something fierce.    Thank God it didn’t come to that.  But I’m still kind of pissed.  Gisele needs to slow the fuck down!  Don’t sprint to the door and make the league MVP hobble out of the car by himself.    It's so freaking rude.   Sometimes I just don’t think she gets it.  Yeah she is a supermodel and has a great ass and can probably fuck like a porn star, but guess what?  Tom Brady can snap his fingers and replace her in a heartbeat.  I’d like to see her find another 3 time Superbowl Champion and league MVP.  They just don’t exist.  So when Tom Brady is hurt, Gisele's life should grind to a halt.  The only things that matters is making sure his needs are taken care of at all times and judging from this video I don’t think she has gotten that memo yet.

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