Random Thoughts

It seems like we struck a chord with all these drinking feats lately. This is some dude called "Moses" downing a pitcher of an Irish Truck Bomb. We actually got a couple emails about this guy. Apparently he works at a bar in NYC. Anyway not sure if that's the same thing as an Irish Car Bomb, but if it is this is as nasty as it is impressive. Still may be worth breaking it out this weekend if you're trying to impress the ladies.

Introducing Maggie from UMass.   If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times. If a chick can rock the freckles and still be hot as shit than she is a hotness juggernaut.  And that is exactly what Maggie is.   A hotness juggernaut.     Hopefully we will see her in person as she’s just won two VIP tickets to our Inaugural Barstool Smokeshow Blueball which is open bar for all former Smokeshows 

Do you know some smoking hot girls who should get VIP tickets to our Blue Ball?  Time is running out to nominate them.  Send all nominations to randomthoughts@barstoolsports.com

Click for more of Maggie

Click Here For the Answer

You don't see us reviewing a lot of books here at the 'Stool because... well, because reading books takes a lot of time and effort and these blogs don't write themselves. Plus we're not Dan Shaughnessy with dozens of colleagues who've written books we need to hype so they'll write something nice on the dust jacket of our next unreadable waste of paper. But every once in a while a book comes along that makes book reading worthwhile, because it's filled with all the things that are important in life: football, sex, violence and Charles Haley flinging poop at one of his coaches.

The book is called "Boys Will Be Boys" by Jeff Pearlman, and it tells the inside story of the Dallas Cowboys championship teams of the early '90's. Kissing Suzy Kolber lists some of the highlights:

• Michael Irvin once wanted his haircut by the team barber. When Everett McIver wouldn't get out of the chair, Irvin did what any reasonable teammate would do, yelled “Seniority! Seniority! Seniority! Punk, get the fuck out of my chair!” and stabbed McIver in the neck with scissors.
• Irvin bankrolled a 'Boys charity basketball team called the Hoopsters as an excuse to get guys away from their wives and onto a private jet where they'd bang women of Irvin's choosing.
• Haley (who I once heard Fred Smerlas describe as the most despicable person and filthiest racist he's ever met) once bugged Scott Case in a meeting by saying “Scott, turn around, I gotta show you something… Scott, dammit, turn around! You need to see this!” and when Case turned around, Haley had slung his massive penis across his desk.
• Haley cut a hole in the roof of Tim Haris' BMW and peed in it.
• At another meeting, Haley came out of the bathroom, dropped his pants, wiped his ass and threw the crappy toilet paper at his LB coach.
• The Cowboys held position meetings in strip joints and they gave specific instructions to American Airlines that they only be assigned hot stewardi.

This only scratches the surface. I can't imagine this book isn't full of dozens, scores, hundreds of gems like these. In a way it's kind of sad. Not that I liked those Cowboys teams, on the contrary I hated them with every fiber of my being. But you read this stuff and you realize that days like those and teams like them are long since gone. At a time when most of the women I know resent Tom Brady for going out with a millionaire model or will never forgive Jason Varitek and Bill Belichick for leaving their wives, you can pretty much be certain no one will sit still while an organization has Mile High Club orgies as team building excercises ever again.

"Take that Denice Clemmons"

I am absolutely flabbergasted by this video! That was some of the most nervous/uncomfortable laughter I've ever heard in my life from the Royals players. I mean what do you do when George Brett, the greatest Royal of them all is telling you a 10 minute story about how he shit his pants? Honestly, what do you do? You have to kind of laugh right? And who had the microphone? I mean I'm going to give George Brett the benefit of the doubt here and say he didn't realize he was miked up. Or maybe he is just so bat shit crazy that he thought this would make good television. Either way the Hall of Fame needs to add the following quote to his plaque in Cooperstown.

George Brett - "Good for shitting his pants at least twice a year"

PS - What's a double tapered shit? I totally want to do one of those AC Slater style. I bet that would get you in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Double PS - Is there a better segway to a shit story than "Hey who's pitching this game? I don't think so.

- Thanks to Todd for the link

DACULA - As the famous twang of Hank Williams Jr. blasted from an SUV stereo Friday afternoon, about 30 folks socialized, sipped soda and puffed on cigarettes. No, this wasn't a Fourth of July backyard barbecue. It was the run-up to a wedding.  In a Waffle House parking lot. The lucky couple, George "Bubba" Mathis and Pamela Christian - both 23 and employees at the Dacula diner located at the Ga. Highway 316/U.S. Highway 29 interchange - wouldn't have it any other way. For years, the couple tried to marry on their Independence Day anniversary. But the bride was always scheduled to work. Instead of waiting any longer - she got the day off at the last minute; Mathis had to report for the morning shift - the couple of nine years decided to seal the deal at work. The result was what a NASCAR tailgate might be like if Hank Jr. himself stopped by with all his rowdy friends: Loud and proud - country music, storytelling and plenty of Dale Earnhardt paraphernalia - and not an iota of pretentiousness.  "It's been crazy, madness," the bride said. "Finally, everything worked out.""I think it's pretty redneck myself," he said, laughing. "But I'm a redneck anyway, so." The couple plans to honeymoon Monday and Tuesday, but then it's back to work.

I fucking told the First Lady we should get married at IHop!   But nooooo she had to pick some fancy schmancy place in Newport.   Yeah it’s on the water, but you can’t get pancakes if you want em.  I knew I should have help out for Ihop or at the very least Denny’s.  Regardless if she thinks our honeymoon is lasting longer than 2 days and is happening anywhere other than Suffolk Downs she’s fucking nuts!    I mean I got to draw the line somewhere.

Adrants.com - When it comes to educating the public about sex, nobody beats the French for racy content and entertainment value. But RFSU, the Swedish Association for Sexuality Education, comes pretty close. Visit Shave the Pussy, a promotional "intimate care guide" for, uh, trimming Fiffi. Style you own, name it too (the one at left is called "KFC"), or just rate the designs of others. Get this: for entering a unique design, you could win your own barber set. Fun times in the bathroom!

In the four years of doing Barstool Sports I think this may be the most fascinating/awesome website I’ve ever encountered.   I mean just when you think you’ve seen it all, you run into a site that allows you to test drive shaving pussies.  Now I don’t know whether this makes me a pervert or gay or what, but I spent like an hour trying to shave my initials into this thing and I couldn’t do it.   I had to settle for just making a smiley face.  I guess I’m not the pussy Picasso that thought I was.   Regardless is there any doubt that pussy cards are going to be all the rage this Valentines Day? I mean nothing says I love you like a custom Pussy gram.

ESPN's Page 2 has come up with a formula to determine the NFL's Ultimate Power Rankings. In other words, ranking all the franchises 1-32 since the NFL-AFL merger in 1970. Their criteria included factors like championships, postseason wins, All Pro selections, coaching stability, MNF appearances and a few others. The Top Ten breaks down like this:

1. Cowboys
2. Steelers
3. 49ers
4. Dolphins
5. Broncos
6. Raiders
7. Vikings
8. Redskins
9. Rams
10. Patriots

Picks 11-20 are here, and 21-32 are here. I suppose I could quibble with the top of the list... you can make a case that Pittsburgh has been more consistently excellent than Dallas over the last 38 years. But the Cowboys won championships with three different coaches and like the article says, if the Steelers had beaten the 'Boys in Super Bowl XXX they'd be in the top spot. But that's nitpicking. What isn't nitpicking is asking how in the name of Brady do the Patriots end up only at No. 10? Behind St. Louis, Minnesota and Denver? Or Miami for that matter? Are they kidding us? I'll grant that they don't belong in the Top 5 given that for most of this time frame they were an abombination. The team that gave us the Rod Rust, Ron Meyer and Pete Carroll eras, that was banned from MNF, and didn't have asphalt in their parking lot, never mind a Bed, Bath & Beyond, has a lot of ground to make up.

But has a team ever had a period of sustained excellence like the Pats have had this decade? The Steelers shared the '70s with Miami. The '80's Niners split the decade with Washington. The Cowboys fizzled out in the second half of the '90's. No one can touch the Patriots for dominance over so long an era. Three titles. Three plays (at Denver, at Indy and Super Bowl XLII) away from possibly SIX titles. They have a 20 game regular season winning streak which breaks their own record. And that's not enough to rank ahead of teams that never won without John Elway (Den), since the mid-'80's (Mia), only once (St. Louis) or not at all (Minn)? Maybe when they win it all with Matt Cassel, they'll finally get some respect.

Okay I admit that I don't really know if this punch was over a Beirut argument or not, but I bet it was. My guess is that the guy was talking all sorts of trash about how chicks suck at Beirut and the only thing they can do is fuck and cook and crap like that. It was probably his way of flirting with her. Kind of like sticking gum in a chick's hair as a kid. Then he dared her to punch him in the face and boom it's all over. Let this be a lesson to all the college kids out there. If you're going to dare a girl to punch you in the jaw you better know that you can take it or you can kiss that pussy good bye.

PS - You know Alicia Sacramone is foaming at the mouth after watching this.

Double PS - If I saw this live I totally would have had the same reaction as the kid in the blue shirt and white shorts who just starts jumping up and down in sheer joy.

SUDBURY, Mass. -- Officials at Lincoln-Sudbury Regional High School say students planning to attend the next home football game must be accompanied by a parent because of widespread drinking at the last game.  Two students were taken to the hospital and seven others were suspended after they were caught with alcohol last week. Superintendent and Principal John Ritchie thinks many more students were drinking and did not get caught.  He called the incident a "low point." He says the requirement that a parent go with students to Friday night's game against Hingham High School will hold students accountable while sending the message that underage drinking will not be tolerated. He says the plan applies to just one game until a long-term policy is devised.

Principal Ritchie suspects many more students were drinking than the seven that got caught?  Man this guy is a regular Sherlock Holmes.   Regardless this policy makes no sense to me.    I mean why not just put a couple more cops on duty and frisk kids as they enter the Stadium?   Or is that like too crazy?    Because my guess is that now lots of these kids won’t go to the game since their parents won’t go.  So instead of hanging out watching football on Friday Night they’ll be drinking getting shitfaced someplace else.  Not to mention there goes home field advantage right out the window.   Sounds like a great plan to me.  

More Cobie here...

Who do you want to Wake Up with? Ub@barstoolsports.com